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Public Reviews
Review of Old One Ear  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a lovely tale of two lovers and the lessons learned from them. thank you for entering it in our contest.

I do think it could take a little shortening, and that the part about the Blights sounds as if it came from another story. At first they were two simple cats, but then he is some mythical prince and really, that is not needed. It is the story of their love, her death and his reaction to it.

Some other thoughts on the writing.

I remembered well the day One Ear had first gotten that Journal. That beautiful journal .....this latter is not a sentence, but should be joined to the other sentence with a comma.

unfortunate might be better than mis-fortunate

He found a lovely shell in a tide pool, and going down on one knee, like a knight of old, he presented it to her. This is a lovely image, but maybe dropping to one knee would be better than going down on

he presented it to her. A token of his his love and affection, a treasure which she This latter starting with A token is not a sentence, maybe making it 'to her as a token and then continuing as one long sentence.

Thanks for the enjoyable read.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a tour de force, if that is the phrase. This work will be awarded my Pizzagaine Prize in the Mystery Newsletter due out the 21st. You have managed to sound like good old E.A. Poe, down to the sentence that have no end and the breathless nature of the script.

My only suggestion would be to put a space between paragraphs; with the Arial font it is hard enough to read as it is without it being lumped all together.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I think you have created a very interesting character here in Jessica, and I think this story should definitely go on to the finish. I like the way you do not hurry things.

I will be featuring this story in my Mystery Newsletter for the week of December 24th; some Christmas feast, huh? I am giving it my monthly prize to encourage you to finish it.

I have many reservations about the writing. The chief one is the number of run-on sentences or places where phrases need a semi-colon to separate them, not commas. For example: The stride had a heavy tread that made it sound pissed, my lips curled into a definite smirk, my night had just gotten better.
Three separate thoughts, connected albeit, but they should either take two semi-colons or be made into three short sentences. I would lean toward the latter because it adds a certainly leanness to this graphically brutal story.

There are a number of other places this occurs: the sentence that begins "There was something about Lucinda Alverez that irked me" is one, and in that sentence, check the spelling of was and think about eliminating the word 'just' It is not needed; it is an oral word used when speaking more than one used to write.

Blowing out a stream of smoke as I leaned against a battered light post, contemplating my scuffed work boots. Now this isn't a sentence; make it I contemplated my scuffed work boots.

"I fight the urge to cover my sensitive ears" has tense disagreement; the story is told past tense.

"I noticed that several officers where getting reacquainted the their dinners, and quite a few more were looking extremely pale. where s/b were and there is an extra 'the'

Several places the plural pronoun is used in conjunction with a singular subject. Did the killer bring extra blood with them? I know you are trying to avoid choosing the gender of the killer, and perhaps there is no better way to do it, but some might object.

There was a hint of rain, not unusual in Seattle, but the smell of forest and something primal was. The second part of this sentence is very awkward because the comparison is to the qualifier in the first thought. Maybe The hint of the odor of rain was not unusual in Seattle, but the smell of forest, and something primal, was.

Victor Freemont in one place, Freeman in another.

I let my hands shift slightly; elongating the fingers and nails, unfortunately that also required several other changes, like a fine layer of silky black hair covering them up to my elbows and paw pads appearing on my palms. Neither of which bothered me but I would have to shift them back before my hands left the drawer, things like that had a tendency to make people nervous. This is a perfect example of what I said earlier. 'shift slightly [comma, not semi-colon, elongating is a modifying phrase, not a separate thought] slightly, elongating the fingers and nails. Unfortunately that also required several other changes. A fine layer of silky black hair began to cover my arms up to my elbows; paw pads appeared on my palms. I was used to this, but I would have to transform myself back before taking my hands out of the drawer. People tend to get nervous when seeing my wolven signs.

As I said earlier, do go on with the story; you have something here. david
Review of Hop-Tu-Naa  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a lovely story. Jinny bears a resemblance to Boo Radley, the character in Harper Lee's novel, To Kill A Mockingbird.

There are a number of phrases without verbs that you put in sentence form. These are mostly descriptive and could be bound by a colon, or series of commas. This is especially true in the words following 'childish lives.'

We began to sing, a little hastily at first and I was conscious of Billy’s adolescent voice croaking alternative lewd lyrics. But I concentrated on my own singing, trying to sound as sweet and angelic as I could. This could be better punctuated. hastily at first. I was conscious of Billy's adolescent voice croaking alternative lewd lyrics, but I concentrated on my own singing. I tried to sound as sweet and angelic as I could.

creek should be creak

and realising that I was now alone and at her mercy I blanched. take out the and and make it a new sentence. Realising that I was alone, and at her mercy, I blanced. You don't need the now.

Once again, I liked this story. Do keep writing.

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