*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/doccoyote
Review Requests: OFF
16 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Comeback:  
Review by DocCoyote
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You are too humble when you claim to not be a writer. There may be a few errors in grammar and format, but those can be fixed. It seems to me that you are a great storyteller and I strongly believe that to be the most important part of writing. I'll be checking your portfolio in hopes of seeing more of your writing.

Doc
2
2
Review by DocCoyote
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I was very amused by this piece and I am not easily amused before my first cup of coffee in the morning. Of course, such a piece might offend people dealing with alcoholism in one way or the other or the Irish, but that's fine. We all need to laugh a lot more and let thing offend us a lot less.

I noticed two possible very small glitches.

"You relish in how other" I think it is uaually stated as either, "you relish how other" or "you revel in how other."

I think the Irish holiday would be "St. Patrick's Day."

I had to work to find anything wrong, though. It is good work and I will take a look at the rest of your portfolio.

Doc
3
3
Review of The Company  
Review by DocCoyote
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You're off to a good start.

I think it might be best to break the first paragraph into at least three paragraphs. Perhaps start a new paragraph at "He woke up" and "After work" at least. Quite a lot of ideas are all lumped together in that one big paragraph.

I would suggest using a different analogy here: "He felt like Neo in the Matrix when Morpheus was directing him out of the building." Or perhaps spend a few words explaining exactly how Neo felt, as those unfamiliar with the movie scene won't be able to understand how he felt.

Seems like you have a good idea rattling around in your head. I look forward to seeing where you go with it.

Doc
4
4
Review of Karma  
Review by DocCoyote
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your poetry shows promise. I especially liked these lines:

"An innocence to guilty to recieve,
To self-confident to be sly"

I noticed a couple of spelling and grammar errors:

"simtum" supposed to be "symptom?"

"innocence to guilty" should be "too" instead of "to."

"To self-confident" again should be "Too."

Keep up the good work.

Doc
5
5
Review of The Ranch  
Review by DocCoyote
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice poem. I see you posted it back in November and had a few reviews along the way, but you still have not posted anything else. Is it possible that your feelings for the ranch and experiences would give you material to write more about it in the form of an essay or story?

There are a couple of small errors in the piece. In the second to last line, instead of "days" it should be "day's" I believe. The end should have a period.

Please write more. We need more writing from people who know and love ranch life.

Doc
6
6
Review of West Trans living  
Review by DocCoyote
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I noticed that you posted this story last November and that it was never reviewed by anybody and you never posted anything else. I hate to see that, so gave it a read. I think you did a very good job and have an interesting story going. The basic plot is interesting and you demonstrate good storytelling skills. I do have a few suggestions.

"Unfortunately for young Steve, he was only used to shooting the rifle while it was leaning up on the fence" Perhaps it would read better if you said it was "supported by the fence" or "propped up by the fence?" As written, I get an image of an unattended gun leaned against a fence.

"Steve took aim at an older, more slower moving rabbit," should simply be "older, slower moving."

"extremely hot, hence why the boys" I think the "why" should be dropped.

I suspect you aren't checking into the site often after going so long with no comments, but when you do get this, if you would like me to continue through the piece and offer further assistance, just let me know. Hang in there and keep up the good work. I look forward to seeing where this story goes.

Doc
7
7
Review by DocCoyote
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I like it a lot. I am already drawin into the story and wanting to read more. My only humble suggestion would be to flesh it out more and draw the character and setting descriptions more into fewer paragraphs. It seemed they were a bit chopped up in scattered fragments. I will be keeping an eye out for a continuation of this story.
7 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/doccoyote