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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/drsmith
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98 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by DRSmith
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your title appeared with about a half dozen other "related" items to something I was looking at that hooked me for a peek. Loved it. Can relate to the average trials and tribulations of everyday life of an active family. Made me smile. Merely a suggestion, not criticism, but give another look at the last line that seemed to me a little awkward for beat. Perhaps something akin to the following might have a little better flow while also delivering your final summation line (a good one) with a little more umph?

Juggling and tumbling; a balancing act of fam'ly reality
Where I'm in awe of its Ringmaster, my Wife, their Mommy. (my Wife for eternity)

Just some shared thoughts, but overall, I liked and it evoked positive reaction from your audience... what we all strive for, eh?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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2
Review by DRSmith
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ok, good one. You got me to concede a bow. Well constructed, true to the basis theme with a good touch to its ending. Well done.
3
3
Review of The Glass Tree  
Review by DRSmith
Rated: E | (5.0)
Found this noted from a recent award and although I'm more of a fan of rhyme and metered poetry, with little knowledge of free verse, but from just a readers point of view this is in my opinion, a superbly written piece. This is a prime example of where an author has successfully massaged every line with carefully selected words that work hard for the piece. I can imagine being transposed within the willow wood, observing the fixed but temporary glistening throes of winter yielding to the coming spring. Well done.
4
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Review by DRSmith
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Given the required challenging format, I like this; good job in rhyme scheme, cadence, and keeping with the original theme.
5
5
Review by DRSmith
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Love it. But then again, it could have been a Kodiak sow and her donkey mare room mate who decided to pair up on a TV dance contest doing a... bear - ass can can. *Blush*
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Review of What if...  
Review by DRSmith
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ok, I bit. My first gut reaction upon a quick pass? I think it's going to be a tough one to beat. You hooked me from the onset, kept and teased me throughout, and left me wanting to go back and read again... and likely a third time. Although it wasn't what I expected from a plot viewpoint vis a vis my initial impression of the contest prompt, but it worked well for a captive read... although I found the ending to be a bit predictable for me, but not a retraction.
From a tech standpoint, it was well written for a good show of your particular skill set and style.
You got me skeerd to toss a try into the ring. *Smile*
DRSmith


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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7
Review by DRSmith
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ok, saw this in a recent Newsie and from the start, you hooked me. (Always a key element of the craft, eh?) Then the fun began, that aside from the amusement, the background of the act was distorting my grins... in other words, you managed quite well to deliver two additional elements of the craft (keeping me riveted while evoking some sort of emotional response). And, I also liked the ending... and easy and gentle way to turn the reader loose.

Now, these comments are meant to be constructive that since you've scored so well on the elements, what I suggest is you look over and rework the opening stanza a little... perhaps break it up into a couplet and quatrain, or in other ways keep it somewhat consistent with the piece's format and tempo out the chute as I found it a bit awkward... what some of us refer to in the craft as "literary speed bumps." A few other spots within other quatrains could be tweaked to help retain meter consistency that in my view will work very effectively for the piece. Just a quicky example:
Then one day it happened.
As Pete picked in his nose here, take the "in" out
his finger got stuck
In that horrible pose just an idea, but perhaps: in a permanent pose (alliteration & consistent with the story line to follow?

All in all, well done as an entertaining piece a half star from classic.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
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Review by DRSmith
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Given this is an essay where I presume your intentions are to metaphorically use your experiences gleaned from kayaking in order to convey how and why your creative inspirations tend to emerge; views you'd like to share with fellow WDC'ers?

Assuming so, for what its worth are my impressions and thoughts for tightening.
By definition, an essay is a relatively short item usually centered around a theme, a focal point of view.

Here, you begin by setting a nice tone, one of logical anticipation, ie: leading your audience into a peaceful scene of freshness, of natural beauty and serenity, but then you shift gears into what seems like a mechanical treatise on how to kayak... then revert to painting a work of art, albeit likely intended to be in parallel to creative writing... yet you treat same with only a brief mention of the literary craft which is you attendant audience in WDC.

For me, the diversion abruptly unseated me... sort of like cringing from the screech of chalk on a blackboard that distracts one's attention from the data displayed.

My recommendation is to go back to your opening "hook" that develops tone, and aptly sets the scene exemplifying your personal sources of creativity; whether its your talent for art, or similarities applicable to writing. Be rid of the paragraphs that drift off course, that offer little of value to your theme, and then pick selective wording used to drive home your message focused on that theme.

Another quick thought I found a tad annoying was you went from sharing your personal views in the first person ("I") which would be consistent with expressing your feelings. But then you divert to preaching or instructing in a way when using "you" do this, "you" would feel that. Stay with your thoughts. Let your audience identify however the choose... as I did when reading your first lines.

If cutting and tightening for word economy and impact shortens it to half length, so be it. It's an essay. Leave your inspiration on the table for others to taste and perhaps gain from or empathize with the emotions, feelings, thoughts that motivate you into putting pen to paper or camel hairs to canvas.

In closing, a short story on how you reached me; of identifying with your own experiences for wakening the muse. Early on in my endeavors to write, I once wrote a short but serious poem inspired by a scene from an epic novel I had in progress. At one point, I happened upon an ad in some rag that encouraged me to submit at no cost, a poem that could win a $25,000 prize. Naivety taking charge, I did. Lo and behold, I received a reply that my poem was not only fit for publishing, but qualified for becoming a finalist for the $25K. Oh my... they first offered me my own poetic page could be published in their leather-bound anthology. "Only $29.95 for six discounted copies to share with friends and family." Yeah, right. Got to thinking with 7 cylinders by then. So, I compiled in no particular order or purpose, a couple dozen lines I'd seen scribbled on restroom stall doors and what not and submitted for consideration. Yo... another identical response. Yet about a month later, while not kayaking a placid lake at dawn, but marching behind a lawn mower doing a chore I hate, I envisioned how poetic masters of yore would cringe with disgust over such rubbish being published. Form began to take shape. I must have re-mowed half the yard I was so absorbed in comedic thought, my rhyming and meter in sync with cadence to the puttering of a Briggs and Stratton. That event eventually becoming my source of inspiration for penning:
STATIC
THE BARDS CONVENTION  (13+)
A "spirited" spoof of win-big-cash vanity poetry contests
#1569451 by DRSmith


Enjoyed spending time with you and hope to have been of some inspiration to you that may help furthering your first attempts at writing essays.
DRSmith


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of And  
Review by DRSmith
Rated: E | (5.0)
Clever theme AND very well delivered that not only evokes reflective thought, but begs multiple re-reads for full impact. Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by DRSmith
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I thought a terrific story, with an overall theme of how one can instantly find attraction and a expansion of a mutual love when least expected; sprinkled with a few twists and turns that keep the reader actively involved, and left with a definitive poignant feeling and attachment to the piece.
Particular phrase that had quite an impact:
<<All thoughts of a thoroughbred were banished permanently.>>
as well as exemplified the underlying theme, in my view. Well done.
drsmith
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Review of The Hidden Heart  
Review by DRSmith
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Hunter,
Congrats on the win. Didn't enter myself (probably a good thing as I'd likely still be picking up the pieces, *Smile*), but noticed it was you in results. So, figured it had to be a good one as you seldom if ever disappoint. Poem was exceptional, poignant, yet softly inviting to the reader with good use of effective, yet layman's words that enable the reader to not only absorb the moment, but more likely share much of the same observations and emotions. That's why we all write, eh? Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by DRSmith
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Stumbled on this via random read and review, and at first was hooked as I had never seen such an item as this outside the bio section; thus inspired intrigue, and was hooked. Couldn't stop but wonder if this was for real, or a very clever way of roping in a reader and leave them perplexed as I am at this point. Hence, an interesting piece while mission accomplished as a writer.

ONE outstanding segment made the hairs stand on end... For starters, not only am I actually a Bouchard myself, from northern New England originally, but it was when I reached your "Background" segment that made me go: "wow!". For me, it was a serious N.H. beach injury requiring 5 years of therapy to recover that negated my farm team contract with the Red Sox while still in high school; but did move on later in life to finally make the pros in hockey... which, should you care to indulge, prompts me to share an eerie parallel with one of the first items
STATIC
HARDLY HEATHENS  (ASR)
Social bigotry and blind-faith hypocrisy exposed
#1709041 by DRSmith
I had written as WDC member.

Back to your item... only a mere suggestion for what it's worth, but to me, your multiple reference to your implying of being "overly friendly or sexual" tends to stand out, to somewhat detract from an overall interesting personality and the item's style and format.. ok to make a brief point and leave it at that, but to me, the repetitive reference tends to be over done, or override other characteristics which could lead one to envision your demeanor in more of an unfavorable, overbearing or stalking type bent when it could be nothing more than a result of natural shock and loneliness over the loss of your wife; your soul mate.

Your new friend,
DRSmith


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review by DRSmith
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well, well well... not sure how to react, so thought I'd simply let you know the sequence which prompted me to stop, look, and listen.

The title...yeah, the title first caught my eye that got me to thinking even before I opened the link. "Hmm, you don't suppose this guy wrote about... yep, sure as s*** did."

And once in, wasn't sure if in my taste to warrant a continued full read, but you got me... especially after the second thought that flashed into my mind: "good, thought so... White's a guy." I could better relate after conjuring up all sorts of skank images, figuring only a guy could find inspiration from such a heap.

Moving on, a smirk appeared throughout, so you managed to not only keep me slippin' and slidin' with imagery, but evoked comedic emotion. It's what we artisans of the craft aspire to achieve with audiences, yes?

I think what really helps with the topic, is the metered rhyming scheme and you did a brilliant, unforced job of putting together the entire piece with flow, timing, and enough to induce and maintain comedic tone.

Only one spot, for sharing and not critique, you might want to consider an edit... and that is with respect to your last stanza
I flushed it's slippery carcass down
Its face did vanish with a frown (I'd suggest: and watched it vanish with a frown)
A nasty tale for me to spin
I'll never eat fried squid again! *Monster1*
Reasoning being, this last stanza offers not only an ending, but a closing relief for the reader as well. So, since it be you who flushed, and proffered such a nasty tale, I think it would seem less forced if you take that frown from your beastly creation and plant on your own face. You take credit for the resolution.

Therefore, my artist friend, you're quite the accomplished poetic pusher of the pen as well as the brush from what I saw on your website as well. I may be partial to humorous poetry, but good job... eh, on both counts. And by the way, I'll likely never eat calamari again as another cluster of images are sure to superimpose themselves over the menu. LOL
DRSmith


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by DRSmith
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Oh my god... what a groaner, but the clever kind that manages to still hit the humor button. A fun read, especially picturing the owlets so attentive and filled with self-gratitude when correctly assessing the moral. Yes, you managed to evoke a chick chuckle at the end, so mission accomplished. I couldn't leave without leaving a thumbs up. Well done for the day's smirk.
drsmith
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Review by DRSmith
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, far be it from me who grew up doing long division with a green lead pencil on recycled newsprint to know how to insert and use, but given your obvious skill surpassed only by your generous intent to serve our community, with gratitude I have to commend your efforts.
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Review of Monster Mash 2014  
for entry "Tall Tales
Review by DRSmith
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Hunter,
I swear, not only are you good at the poetic craft of which I'm familiar with many of your pieces, but prolific. I envy that. With me, it's like driving on a flat tire. I have to be inspired as an idea eventually takes root between the ears.

At any rate, with so many garbage marathons on TV today, thought I'd wander about the WDC site; poking around tabs and corners I hadn't noticed before when I saw the tab for "reviews". Hence, I stopped to take a quick peek when I noticed I'd dropped a 1 star on one, which I don't remember never ever doing. "Hmm, must investigate" I whispered, and upon this spot I stumbled.

I have no idea what the purpose was at the time, but this little gem to me was precious, and not deserving of a 1 star. So if I somehow screw up the party flavor here, so be it. LOVED this perfect little, superbly written poem; it conveyed all the perfect imagery, well selected and placed words that work hard for the piece; perfect rhythm and pace that offered up a terrific ending that evoked an emotional response. I could empathize with all the characters for a satisfying perusal. Superbly done, and herewith my new rating, sire.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Sister Justice  
Review by DRSmith
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ok, Shannon, where do I start?
I’m so captivated by this piece, I hardly know where to begin. I've been so short of time lately that I haven't dropped a review in here for months. Even so when I do, it's usually because I'd stumbled on something that left me inspired, moved... both from an enviable demonstration of literary skill as well as superb content and theme. As such, your Sister Justice reeled me in which compelled me to bow to your literary brilliance. I've seen your stuff before, and you've never disappointed, but this one was a WOW, a BIG WOW from every angle.

Your opening hook and subsequent first couple/three paragraphs are some of most effective techniques I’ve ever seen in literature, even the classics. You not only NAILED the prompt, but did so in such a way as to really set the stage and then so effectively drove home the theme─ opening with a bam, bam, bam like pops from a 9mm, you unveil the whole enchilada, for example:
<< I observe. I eavesdrop. I follow. I confirm. I insinuate myself.>> followed by the brilliant way you slide your character to the forefront, allowing her to quantify her “innocent” driven motive behind such a powerful role; <<It all comes down to the shoes, you see.>> BRILLIANT!

Moving on, the manner in which you justified the character's intent on cleansing the nation of parasitic bastards that we all secretly want to expunge likewise, yet cleverly distinguishes herself from the true pathological “CRAZIES” is another example of genius.

There is a difference, however perplexing! Your readers will identify with the theme─ as why Charles Bronson’s “Death Wish” series became such a big hit, or how moviegoers cheered Dirty Harry who defied the establishment and did away with the “punks” who dared challenge his logic vs the real nemesis of society.

I could go on and on but don’t need to. However, if I had to offer anything in the way of constructive critique, it’s only with your apparent need to feel you had to insert an Author’s Note at the end. After such a powerful and superbly delivered read, the Note let me down though I sensed it was coming (the ol' PC caveat leaked through, I guess?)

Nevertheless for what it’s worth, I’d suggest you delete the Note. Your effort is so strong, so effective as a literary piece, I say let the readers who truly know you’re an accomplished author; who know that its clearly driven by a deliberate prompt; and that there’s no doubt it’s a FICTION and not a personal essay… to let them enjoy the read, its theme, its empathetic tone to its fullest.

We can see that Sister Justice is NOT a WDC Bluecase expressing latent desires, but merely a character who has successfully exposed the degradation of societal integrity since The Great Depression… the emasculation of a once proud, hard-working people filled with hopes and dreams of a future, yet instilled with an unshakable moral character and dignity no matter their fate or level of poverty (such as portrayed in two classics: The Grapes of Wrath and The Cinderella Man) of only two generations past.

I’d venture to guess this piece will indeed stir a basket of inner frustrations shared by the majority, fearing the nation has morphed into a bloated society trying to stay aloft on stubby wings flailing against the headwinds of rising PC bullshit. But, once again I say, let them enjoy the literary high and screw the mindless idiots who may amble by with naive indoctrinated comments smothered in socialistic crap that has never worked in the history of any nation.

I LOVED IT! And for my money, I’d say 99% of those who “can read”, will feel likewise. It should win the contest, by far, as I remain...

forever one of your biggest fans,
DRSmith
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Review by DRSmith
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
WOW! I love it, love it. Flash fiction as it is by itself I find to be quite an interesting challenge for introducing a story, characters, setting, emotion, climax, and theme all within the space of a cereal box cover, and all the while offering a pace that remains unforced and riveting.

This little gem accomplishes it all. The intro immediately painted a clear picture, including the ability to figure things out in context. The entire story quickly took shape as it was well delivered in its own right, but when the closing event unfolded, my nanosecond thoughts expected little Rose was in for a crude dude pummeling, or worse... but the wham, bam, thank you ma'am took a swift shift which uncorked her true identity. Wow, what a punch; she's the rare, Black Rose... of death. What a twist, and the metaphorical method by which she unveiled her name was brilliant... the capture of his soul with the softness of a delicate kiss. Love it. Wish I had wrote it.
DRSmith
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Review of Heart Song  
Review by DRSmith
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Figured it would be a good one as most often then not, one can usually depend on your poetry to be superb... well crafted and balanced and composed with meaningful, insightful, and cohesive in theme leaving the reader feeling fulfilled versus force-fed. This piece, as "simple" as you say it is, I found to have all the skillful ingredients alluded to above. The only thing to me, and merely from a personal perspective and not critique, is the title. As strong as the entire poem conveyed a terrific theme any of us can relate to, the title left me feeling just a mere gram of an ounce short of total fineness.

My thoughts being that many will argue titles can be, and often are, just as crucial to a piece whether for reeling in a reader's roaming eye, and/or of leaving them with a sense of satisfaction, a sense of completeness as the title subliminally lingers transparent to the words as perused throughout the discourse. That said, for what its worth... perhaps something directed more toward the climactic effort of "reaching inward", of successfully embracing the creative juices of the subconscious for resolving fleeting dilemmas of a skilful wordsmith.... What could it be if at all considered for edit? Lord knows, but you're definitely talented enough to craft a fitting home run if so inspired.... ie, a few combos of words for giggles and grins... The Subliminal Scribe... The Soulful Song of Words... The Ephemeral Soul of Words, or of a Wordsmith, or whatever. Merely ideas for sharing and not a critique as it still has overall oomph as it stands.

all the best
drsmith


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of #bestvacationever  
Review by DRSmith
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Here's an Instagram for you, too... Tweet, blip, diddle toggle and diddly do, DOT com... yeah baby. Of course falling behind the winner and place in the humorous poetry contest, I had to see what I was missing. So, in keeping with a genuine congratulations for your 2nd, which in my humble opinion, should have displaced the winner's "joke" versus your true to form poetic rendition, I thought it was not only a good job in the drafting, but you managed to effectively and humorously deliver conformity to a theme, by capturing every nuance of our current digitalized thumbamablottering acronymphomanical culture. No need to say more that the stars can say for me. Well done.
drsmith


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Monster Mash 2014  
Review by DRSmith
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
diddit, dude
22
22
Review of Monster Mash 2014  
for entry "Tall Tales
Review by DRSmith
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ok, I bit... knowing your talents as I do, I figured for a good read and wasn't disappointed. Overall, a neat little piece with all the warm and fuzzy flavoring it was intended to be while entertaining the reader... sort of like a xmas poem. You did well to paint a picture of not only scene, but the obvious warmth and love a man has for his family... you captured the readers imagination and delivered a smile sharing the kids reactions, as well as consequences at the end for a fulfilling read. It's what we all strive for, eh... reaching out to, keeping, and satisfying our audiences.

not critique, but merely sharing a few thoughts for what they're worth, meant to inspire thoughts to be considered at your discretion.... but in playing around with a couple segment's wording, take a look at the following...see if it rolls off the tongue a little smoother, but still keeps with your flow and glow

I smugly snicker at the door. "smugly" snicker to me, tends to read a little awkward... maybe: I softly snicker, I stifle snickers
I take a breath and “Boo!” I roar. and take a breath, a BOO! I roar.
Screams and shouts from their mouths pour in lieu of "shouts", perhaps squeals and screams from little ones pour
in chaos that I can’t ignore. rid "that", add a little alit...? ie: causing chaos I can't ignore

They hit the door which bumps my head
as they run pell-mell for my bed .... as they dash a beeline for my bed?
and burrow deep beneath the spread,
the peaceful night now filled with dread. replace "the" with "their" ?

Ah well, while sharing a cuppa, friend to friend, mere thoughts for a job well done.
drsmith
23
23
Review of One Night Stand  
Review by DRSmith
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Noyoki,
Got the list from George and thought I'd browse a few. It's quite a challenge to deliver a beginning, plot, and meaningful ending with a message, or theme in exactly 200 words without leaving a reader feeling shortchanged. But you did a good job, and though I'd suspected something like your ending just before getting there, it did NOT disappoint (your reference to the name and Klingon was a hint of predictability... which is fine actually; as sometimes it tends to satisfy, subliminally rewarding the reader for his own sleuthing observations in some respects, or enables a softer landing for others). Good technique, nevertheless.

I think opening line needs a touch up...ie: <<coed at the baby. Her aged finger reached stroked over one velvet soft cheek.>> whole thing, especially for "the opening hook", is a bit awkward... starting with "coed" is misspelled and should be "cooed"... likely a typo miss the eyes could easily glance over... and:.... the finger "reached stroked" over perhaps better conveyed if redone to something akin to: Her aged finger gently stroked my baby's soft, velvety cheek ? same 10 words in keeping with the word count.

At any rate, overall a good entry. Best of luck.
drsmith


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
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Review of prompt Sept 6  
Review by DRSmith
Rated: E | (4.5)
Cute little tale, and yes, I too was envisioning a castle structure of sorts until toward the end, my imagination kicked in and suspected it was indeed, a septic tank. You've captured the essence of the prompt, AND of what a wildly imaginative little one would likely convert most anything to a "thing of wonder". Good job. For what it's worth, and bear in mind, I'm nowhere near critiquing free verse, but thought of a few things while reading through it which might... MIGHT mind you, help the tongue roll along a little easier while not changing your format or story. So for what it's worth, from Friend to Fyn, here's a few considerations for tighteners....

Newly seven year old eyes Pop! open,..... the word, "newly" threw me...kept me coming back to it trying to cipher it's placement..in other words, it interrupted my literary vision out the chute. MIGHT want to reconsider...something akin to: A slumbering seven-year-old eyes popped... open!

Nightgown flapping, bare feet sliding across dew-wet grass,...... here, "dew-wet" seems awkward to the tongue... slows pace; try ...across sliding from the mornin' dew?
I ran out to see my very own round castle turret.... and here, i think if eliminate "to see" (which is implied as she already saw... you might paint a little strong picture leading up the its reality...ie: something akin to... I ran to my very own castle, with a giant turret


I pretended my way.................................. here, the following word "imagine" captures the action... so I'd suggest flower it up here, like with "fancied" instead of the redundant, triple syllable "pretended"
through every fairy tale I could imagine.


lumbered down the road, I plotted with the wizard............ here, "down the road" could imply "away from, irrelevant, etc... try bringing it into her mind as something of threat... something akin to: ......lumbered closer, I plotted...
to create a spell of vanishing. It was coming very close.... followed by; "ever" in place of "very"
to my castle, its steel, sharp toothed jaw menacing............. maybe "jagged-toothed"
It ignored me, proceeding to dig a vast hole in the earth.......... in keeping with the imagination... maybe: proceeding to gulp vast bites from the earth?

My father, the king, came out, sat on the castle wall........... same as above... reverse the opening...ie: The King, my father came out and sat...
to tell me a story. The beast was digging the hole to.......... was gouging a hole

to bury my magical haven? It's magic only worked underground,.......... only to avoid too close a duplication... suggest changing "magical" to something like "enchanting", fanciful, mystical, divining



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
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Review by DRSmith
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Mitch,
Just got word on the comedy contest results I totally forgotten about... and noticed your second place item. Took a look, and glad I did. There are few comic pieces I've come across in WDC that really tickle the funny bone, but yours did. You did a terrific job of portraying the poor slob, a harried husband having to deal with a harem of hens every day. The sequence, in such a short piece starting with the interaction between the doc and your character, then the frenzied household activities, and his final solution had me smiling and chuckling. You did a terrific job of portraying the nuances of a rather discomBOOBbulated family. lol

Technically... a couple spots (literary speed bumps I call them) could be tweaked.. more like typos than anything else.. ie: two that come to mind are:
<< I asked if he could give that to me in writing but he said his nurses didn't like when he did that. >> perhaps the word "it" after ....didn't like (it)?
<< I could twist all their heads off and enjoy the silence of a dead of family and not feel guilty>>

Overall, a fun and enjoyable read.
All the best, DRSmith

PS: noticed my rating slipped off the 5, so went back to change.
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