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168 Public Reviews Given
170 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm a no nonsense reviewer. I give my honest opinion. I look for flow, plot holes, and other various creative issues. I am taking creative writing classes right now, so my style will change as I go through these classes.
I'm good at...
Looking at details, descriptions, flow, plot, and overall opinion.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Erotica, and paranormal, I am also open to others that are not on my least favorite genre list.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, poetry, children's pieces, horror
I will not review...
romance, poetry, children's pieces, or horror.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 ... Next
26
26
Review by Goblin Slayer
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Okay, Hi, I'm Marty I am a no-nonsense reviewer, I will tell you honestly how I feel about the piece but I will also make sure that my suggestions are merely that, suggestions, my opinions. With that being said let us begin.
I had to read through the piece twice to get a feel for who "I" was, and what is her name?. It is my opinion that in the first chapter you should hint at more dangerous missions rather than doing an escort, show that the team is the best there is and are ready for the most dangerous missions. I came up with that idea while reading your very last sentence. You introduce four characters at once, the main ones and Meysa. That got kind of confusing for me especially when there was the dialog between the four of them. I personally think more description would help out both chapters immensely. Describe a little of what your characters look like, what their wearing, etc. Maybe describe the platform a little more and the crystalbloom also, that really interests me, I know you have it in your mind but you want your reader fully immersed in that whole world. Does it cover the planet or just the city, does every major city have one or is it just this one?
You've definitely piqued my interest. You have a solid idea here and I would love to read more. I think as the chapters move on I will no doubt find out more about your main characters to help humanize them a little more. I also like that air of mystery you've added to this piece it makes me want to read more and find out what is going on. The last sentence, was that a thought or did someone say it and if so who? I would like to read more so if you want to e-mail me and let me know when your next chapter is out, I would be happy to review that one as well, besides that, I want to read it anyway.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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27
Review by Goblin Slayer
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey there again! long time no see. I hope you're doing well, me, I've started writing consistently again. Anyway, you know my review style, I like to get the suggestions out of the way first as I go through the story and then give you my overall impressions and tell you what I like at the end. Without further ado, here we go. "Now the queen of Ladlian with all the responsibility that went with it; as Marcus and Tolvarn kept reminding her." I think there should be a comma after 'now' representing a pause in speech, it read better when I figured that out. At first, it didn't feel like a complete sentence. That was it in the first chapter, well written, now on to the next.
Chapter 2, near the end, if I were the beggar boy, I would be a little more concerned by their generous offer of a home before getting to know Soltin better, unless you explain about them being able to see each other's light that surrounded them all, could all dragons see it. had Matra seen it in him? and how did they know that Soltin had chosen wisely when he was just a beggar boy? I don't know, it all seems just too convenient, I know I would be scared as hell if the dragon king and queen just suddenly invited me into their home, Also did Matra know Soltin? ok, Chapter three, maybe you answer some of that there.
Chapter 3 was well written and flawless. Overall this is a great beginning. I think your characters are well drawn out, with the exception of that part where Soltin was invited into the queen's home. I like the setting, it is very visual and I could picture it perfectly. What I like about it is that you give just enough information that your reader can see what they want to see. I would have liked to see a little more of Emerelda and Matra's looks, other than that, fine work! send me your next part when you have it done, I'm enjoying this book very much.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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28
Review of True Nobility  
Review by Goblin Slayer
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Most of the time writing about time travel stories get done because the writer has no more ideas left in them or its a cheap way out, but that is not the case here. I think you are pulling this off rather well. The only thing that I could see enough to mention is several word errors. some words were missing and then there were times that you had one too many words in your sentence. For example; " Blood began running down her the side of her face." There is an extra 'the' in there. Other than that I see nothing wrong with this chapter, in fact, I want to read more now. I like your characters they seem well developed and your plotline is strong and shown almost right away and even though this is a time piece, you did it well, your flow was good. I think you have the makings of a great book here. Thank you for inviting me into your world, I hope to visit again soon.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Goblin Slayer
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well, I'm not the fastest turtle in the race but I had to read the ending twice. Other than that I thought this was a brilliant tale. Was that the end of the story? I could see you going into more detail if this wasn't for a contest with a word limit. I liked this a lot and I'm going to check out some of your other stuff now as well. Keep up the good writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Goblin Slayer
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Fantastic! I can't wait to read more. Makes my book look like an amateur wrote it. The only thing I noticed was that you used "of" instead of "off" a lot and that you were missing words all over the place. I know first hand how it is to write until your fingers bleed and then go back and revise. I figure that's what you're doing here.
The storyline is fantastic. Your characters are well developed and your setting is very clear and easy to envision. I'm sorry it took me so long to read this, but now I'm looking forward to your next chapters. When do you think they will be ready? In any case, I think this is moving along nicely and I look forward to seeing what happens to James and how the king handles the takeover. Thanks for getting me to read this.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Goblin Slayer
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like the concept. I like how you started out above the earth and then crashed. If I were you and wanted to make a small novella out of this idea, I would start out by adding a lot more descriptive detail, Like, what do these creatures look like? Like us? and do they now know how to speak our languages? you could also give a lot more information as to how the craft looked. I think the descriptive detail is all you need here to really suck in your readers. I really think you did a good job telling the first part of your story. Good job, keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Goblin Slayer
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A "Shadow Shifter" That's AWESOME! I wish I had thought of that one. Obviously I liked your piece, however, I have some suggestions for you. Remember this is only my opinion and I'm not trying to write this for you. Ok, down to brass tacks. I thought that your opening few paragraphs were kind of bland and that your main character had very little depth to her. Remember your opening paragraphs should slap your audience in the face and really make them want to read more. I could suggest maybe this needs a little more drama at the beginning, you could have her remembering something about her mom that maybe brings tears to her eyes, and if you do it right, and it looks like you could, based on what I see here, bring some emotion to your readers as well. Other than that, I really liked it and I would read more, it is a very interesting concept so far, and as a writer, I would be curious to see where you would take this. If you have the time I would appreciate you taking a look at at least my first chapter of Dopey's brother: A prophecy rises. I put an auto reward of 750GP's but I'm not sure if it's enough. If you could let me know if I need to up the anty that would be great, and thanks in advance.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
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Review by Goblin Slayer
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
That was a great story and I can't wait to see more of it. I had a couple of minor problems with trying to figure out what was going on, not sure if it was your wording that confused me or just me. picking up in the middle of the sentence; "follow the footprints and found them dead as a black dragon" It sounds to me like the footprints were dead, or did the footprints lead to a dead stop in front of a black dragon? That's one thing that got me curious.
The next one; "As the world was burning she came to laying in a bed with white sheets and people all around her." At the beginning of the paragraph, you said "When Gia woke up she was in a strange forest," So when did she pass out again and why?
Those are the only things I had a hard time with. I'm not trying to be too critical in my review, I'm just stating what I felt needs addressing. So far I want to read much more, and I do think with more description you could make this a bit longer and more interesting, but I definitely want to see more. Let me know if there is more. And if you're looking to return the favor, please check out Dopey's Brother: A prophecy Rises, in my port. I'm going to say this again, I want to read more. keep it up! and thank you for letting me into your world.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
34
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for entry "In the Beginning" 
Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Okay, I'm only reading this one for today, I read your intro and this chapter. So far I have a vague idea of what is going on here, these three are going to save the world, basically. If I were you, and I'm not, I would try to make your first paragraph something that really grabs your readers attention. I try to make my intro's either really dramatic, action-packed or well-worded description. Now, I like your idea so far and the explanation of how things run is good. Also, let people know that you're narrating the story to the people of earth, I'm pretty sure that those people don't understand what "Beverly Hills" is. Anyway, I will try to continue reading this maybe tomorrow. Keep writing!
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Review of Unicorn Legend  
Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! I'm impressed. how long have you been writing fantasy; I never thought of merging something like this with a modern earth setting. Most of my fantasy deals with another world. Anyway, I noticed that Hazel was kind of flat as a character, not wholly, but just enough for me to notice. I would try to put a couple more emotional tags and more show don't tell attributes. As for the showing part what stands out for me was "her mascara running down her face" that really showed not told. That was excellent. Overall I really liked your story and I think if you didn't have a word count restriction, with your writing, you would have been able to do a lot more. That was a very good piece thank you for inviting me into my world. If you have the time and like to read, I'd like you to take a look at my "Dopey's brother" chapters. It is also fantasy if you like that kind of thing if you're looking for something smaller I think you might like "The music box" which was a contest winner, I'm proud of them both.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
36
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Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I love your wordplay with this piece. You are a true wordsmith, I would like to consider myself that sometimes but the way your word placement and rhythm of your sentences are strung together, I'm afraid you have me beat bad! I also like the humor you put in here, some of it was a bit subtle, but I get it. I am trying to find a way to interject humor into my stories as you do. I hope someday I become as good as you. Thank you, I enjoyed this piece very much.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Hawks With Sins  
for entry "The Crawling Thane" 
Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: 18+ | (1.5)
To be completely honest and to the point, I didn't understand it. I don't know what happened, did he sleep with her? and why would he not survive the night? Almost all of your sentences were structurally sound save but 1. The sentence that starts out with, "As was finishing a final brush", is a run on sentence and I didn't really understand if he found the brush or the comb on the beach, I assume the comb. This is only my opinion and it's your story don't let anyone else tell you how to write, maybe I'm just being dense today. I'll try again tomorrow, maybe it'll be a little bit more clear to me then.
38
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Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: E | (5.0)
First off, I'm going to rate this a 5 and I think there has only been one story that I have ever read before that was a 5, my story, the music box, (joking). I like how you used emotional tags throughout your chapters. I am trying to become REALLY good with those and you used some good ones in almost every situation that needed them, however I also thing you needed more emotion in general at the points where she bites her friend and where she kills a man, that would fundamentally change a person's personality all together I think. Other than that, your going onto my favorites list. You did an excellent job with this piece and I'll be looking for more adventures of Faith and Emilio. Thanks for letting me into your world.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
39
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Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: E | (4.0)
It's good, I love the concept! I take it that this is to be an interactive story? It sounds like a good one to me. Come up with a mission and let other writers bring it to its conclusion. The main thing that I would do differently would be to give more details on the scenes before he died. Not things like the color of his sweater, more like, why was he reading that particular book? Could a different book offer up some foreshadowing of what's to come? Just an idea for that. The only other thing I can see to work on is detailing some emotional tags into the story. So far your main character feels a little flat. His father yelled at him to save himself with tears streaming down his dirty face.
These are just suggestions that I have for you and are only my opinion. I think I would want to see more of this if that's where your going. Email me or respond to this letting me know if you'll have more, I'm any case thank you for allowing me into your world, I enjoyed it thoroughly.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
40
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Review by Goblin Slayer
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
It definitely gets more interesting here. The second chapter seems to be less descriptive than your first. I would try to be as consistent as you could; your descriptions in chapter 1 are almost too descriptive, but in this chapter, you give out almost no description. The good stuff is that I saw more explanation and when he first woke up he was very disoriented and that is very realistic. I guess I could say I related to it because that's probably how I would have reacted. I think that's how my character reacted when he got to his new world also in my book. Don't worry, you're actively writing yours while mine is still sitting up on a shelf somewhere collecting dust while I write my newest creation. Speaking of my newest creation, step on over to my page and have a look at Dopey's brother: A Prophesy Rises. I'd be interested on your take of it. Anyway, thank you for inviting me into your world.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
41
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Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is good, I will be reading chapter two in a few minutes. I noticed a few tense issues where you said something like 'looked' and then in the same sentence you say 'looking'. I thought I found something else but upon looking and reading again I could find nothing else wrong with the piece. You did a very good job with this, it kinda reminds me of one of my old books that I wrote about fifteen years ago and still have to finish. lol. I like this and like I said I will definitely read chapter two in a minute. And don't worry about the tense issue too much, I'm having to go through and edit my chapters for just that reason, it's painstaking I hate it, but . . . I gotta do it lol see you on my next review.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
42
42
Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I absolutely loved this. Wow! Did you get this published already? Okay, I'm done now, lol. Here is my critique and opinions, remember I said MY opinions, anyway, I thought your first paragraph could use some more drama, maybe 'show' more than tell. Give some more emotion, more anxiety in that first paragraph. I call them "Emotional tags" it's where you describe what he's feeling as if you can see it, anyway, people here just call it 'show, don't tell.' So, other than a few minor grammar and punctuation issues, I see nothing else that I would change in your prologue at all. I liked the piece very much, you were descriptive to the point that I could see the surroundings in my head, and the ending was vastly unanticipated. I did NOT see that coming, all the way until the end, I had no clue. Marvelous! well done! Thank you for allowing me into your world.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
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Review by Goblin Slayer
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
First off, let me start out by saying I love your story. It was really a treat to read . . . After the initial first couple of paragraphs. I personally think that your opening could use a little more uummpphh, Something a little more dramatic, if you will, you don't need an action scene, that isn't the general idea of the first part of this story, but then you could have started out with them finishing up the lesson for the day and then eating and heading to bed, that would be action though. but during that, you could add some foreshadowing into the story. I think that it could also use some of that, in some way, at the beginning of your story even without the action scene, maybe a memory or her wondering about her parents in the war or something. The rest of the story was awesome and it looks like you did a lot of editing and took the time to do so, your sentences all made sense and the flow of the story was nice and even. All in all, your story was a good short story, but also something you could make into a novella or even a book. I'm happy I was able to have a look into your world.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like your story and would like to see where it goes. It does sound very similar to the story of Hercules. I assume it is more in-depth or different in some way. I would also assume, due to the word count, that this was made for a contest. Should you decide to write more of this I would like to see how it differs from Hercules and how she handles the different situations that you can put her into. I did see some things in the story that need attention though. First, your 4th sentence in your second paragraph makes no sense to me. I also think you should do a little more editing before posting, act like you're a reader, not the writer, that's what I do sometimes, there are several sentences that need review. All in all, I like the story so far, oh yeah, when you're describing the scene around her after she falls, try to add some more detail and describe the pain as in "Show, don't tell." Like I said though, I would definitely read more on her adventures, should you produce more of this story. Thank you for letting me into your world.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
45
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Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: E | (2.5)
This is definitely a unique story, I like the way you did the dialog, I've never seen it done that way before, where you put the name of the person who's talking first. It's a great idea. the story is short and simple, though a bit confusing, I like the way you did the names for dialog but I don't think it quite works for this story. I also think there needs to be more dialog, but I can understand if this was for a contest. oh yeah, and just one technical thing, there is no verb to your first sentence making it a fragmented sentence, just figured I would let you know. Other than that it is a sweet idea and if it was a contest you did a neat job coming up with it. Keep on writing, your doing fine.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Samount Gugar v2  
Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
First thing I see is that you could add some exciting thoughts on what those experiments could be. The plus minus thing I had to read twice to get the meaning. Might be good to introduce his math obsession before the plus minus thing, then saying plus "or" minus would help the flow a bit. Her hazel eyes vearing towards green look up at me from librarian looking glaszes, is somewhat the way I'd go. Ok, I see you have the guy girl flirting thing down! Good jod, I like it. Again nice job with wordplay as her gaze lasers through me as I look for an escape, love it! Ok wow! I did NOt see that coming! You did a really good job of leaving that till the end, now I see why all the details, even when they didn't make sense. Somehow he wanted to remember it all. Good work! I enjoyed it thoroughly. However, my initial comments stand. But durnet! Good work, I want to know more. Btw, if you check out my portfolio, there is one piece there that is XGC if you don't know it's there you could end up with a big surprise.lol


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Prophecy  
Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Okay, I love the story line. Your flow is pretty good also. I saw two issues, the first is in the second paragraph, "her long silver hair flows down her back" it just doesn't go with the subject of the paragraph. You describe that pretty well, I'm my opinion, when you say, "Margo boss her silver head" the second thing I thought could be changed is the description of the drakoons. Try describing them from the viewpoint of a memory, "Just then she remembered the seven foot Angel like creatures devouring her best friend right before her eyes" then you could continue with the description. Now these are just my opinions, I am not trying to write your book for you, that being said, take them or leave them, if you want to use the sentence as it is, do it, it's cool. Oh, and tale, is spelled tail, for your purpose. I would read this book, I like it. Don't stop writing this, it will turn out great, I think.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow! Good story!I like the plot, the flow, the characters, everything. One thing I would say, is this, describe the forest in more detail this way, after she runs (through the green underbrush) she finds her way to a freshly fallen tree. I LOVE descriptions and those descriptions have a meaning in your story here. Also, I would suggest looking into the real history behind the druids, and the dungeons & dragons version and include some of that info as well. Now that I've said all that, know that I am not looking to write your book (because I can see this easily becoming one), I am just thinking about what I would do if I were writing this story. But I want to see more regardless. I will be favoritism you and checking out more of your work. Now please do me the honor of checking out my first chapter of "Dopeys Brother: a prophecy rises" I would thank you for your feedback. I really did enjoy your story and I look forward to reading and reviewing more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
49
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Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I like the story especially the ending. It really, quite marvelously, brings the whole story together. I couldn't really see to much wrong with the story, I'm fact, you're getting 5 stars from me. The only thing I can suggest to you it's something I'm trying to work on too, is try to become a wordsmith, make your sentences more "artsy" if you will. Other than that, nice work!
50
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Review of The Road Ahead  
Review by Goblin Slayer
Rated: E | (4.0)
Let me guess, you're a chain smoker? Lol. Ok, this is really good. I like the flow of the story and the story itself. It's a good topic with a wholesome message. I have to tell you that I'm a smoker and nicotine is one of the hardest drugs to free yourself from. I like the emotion you put in at the end. A couple of thoughts try using more emotion in your story to build up to that emotional ending, use emotional tags along the way. And technically speaking, at the end there try switching your words around from "song together the chorus" to, song the chorus together. It helps with the smoothness of the sentence. Other than that, welcome to WDC!
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