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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/durlstonp
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11 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Neighbors  
Review by DP
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Total honesty time: no, this start would not prompt me to read on, but that's mainly because it's not my type of tale. It's all very angst-ridden over nothing much. I'm a simple soul and nothing blew up, was stolen or died and I was left with no question i needed to answer in this first passage in order to drag me on further. That said, it's well written in that I shared Jonathon's restlessness and discomfort with the conversation. So I consider this to be a successful piece, just not my cup of tea.
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Review by DP
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
It seems somewhat pedestrian to me, but maybe that's the point and I'm too thick to realise. It lacks any compelling conflict - everyone is just too happy to help a stranger that doesn't even know her own name - perhaps she could have experienced being ripped off and being 'rescued' by Sarah or Yuki? I really liked the description of the experience of the suicide (Only, how can she report it to us if she has amnesia?). I only spotted one spelling mistake: “Maya, you’re pants.” was presumably meant to be "Maya, your pants." as otherwise Yuki is being fairly derogatory. ;) There's also what I believe is a grammatical error when she wakes up: "...my supposed clothes were in a neat pile...". Are they 'supposed clothes'? Or are they 'supposedly her clothes'? I also uspect that it's more of a presumption than a supposition and so believe that a better line would have been, "...some clothes, presumably mine, were in a neat pile...", but I'm no language professor. :) On the whole, I like it and am intrigued enough in her fate to want to read on.
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Review of A Rose for Angela  
Review by DP
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Superb1 So much story in less than 500 words. It demanded a second reading that was even more impressive than the first time through. I particularly liked the almost incidental aside “You know, twenty years later and I can still speak Italian. I’ve even taught Joana some words.” as it it is compellingly realistic of the near random thoughts that occur to you when chatting to dear ones that have passed away.

I always find dialogue hard work to write, but your piece, using just dialogue has inspired me to use a similar restriction in a writing exercise today. Thank you.
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Review by DP
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Very good. The characters (with the exception of Nelson Stewert) leap of the page and I can't help but thoroughly dislike the pathetic figure of Gertie. I did find the last part slightly slow for a short story, but not overly so and it certainly has me wanting to read on.
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Review of Ashborn  
Review by DP
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very good. The characterisations come across well (although I would have hoped for a better retort from Malchior than "Yeah, whatever."). The plot moves along at a cracking pace and there's plenty to pull the reader along, with intrigue and the promise of much more to come. How long a story is this intended to be?
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Review of Rise of an Empire  
Review by DP
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like the first person chatty style, although the tone of it seems incongruous with the position of authority that James now holds. There are a few minor spelling mistakes Briton vice Britain and Capitals vice Capitol's but I liked it enough to move on through the following chapters.
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