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Grammar has never been my strong point, so I focus on the heart of a story. I look down into the story to see how the plot and characters are developed. Do your characters sound real? Are their pieces to their background missing? Is the plot complete? Does is flow with consistency or jump around?
There is always room for improvement, and I am here to help you find any weak spots that may exist.
So deep, so dark. My husband is currently in a position where he just hates his boss. Thankfully, his dark side doesn't go this deep. But he does have some of the other employees against the guy.
The plot was so well played out, I can't see of any way to make it darker.
It makes me wonder if you did some research on these personalities. You could see how much of a hard worker Carlson is as well as his level of expertise in everything he does. He is so believable that I wish to never come across him.
Roger is the exact boss we all hate to have. I would have loved to see him crying hysterically though.
Why aren't you a yellow yet!? There was only one sentance that didn't sit right with me. It just seemed out of place with the tense of it.
The police don't come around until Tuesday when Santos can't make contact with Roger.
I would think: The police didn't come around until Tuesday when Santos couldn't make contact with Roger.
But than again, I fail at grammar.