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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ervalle
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Review of Take The Train  
Review by Edword
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Yes, we should all take your advice and "Take This Train!"

I love the imagery and the fact that each verse had a different inspirational thought. And yet, as a whole, it seems clear that you are asking us to get out there and experience life.

I think this could make a great song! And. the musical flow ( or rhythm ) can dictate or change the rhythm of your poetic stanzas. It would all depend upon style of music and type of song. I don't know if that makes sense, but I have always found that most songs when aspects were written by two different people were "collaborations." ( ie: Lennon / McCartney, Rogers / Hammerstein, Elton John / Bernie Taupin, etc.)

One thing I noticed; I think you mean "chorus 2" not "course 2."


I will try get to some of the others soon. I like your work.

Eddie V



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Edword
Rated: E | (4.0)

While reading this. I knew something was going to happen, I just didn't know what! And. I thoroughly enjoyed what did happen. The comment, or message, within the piece was apparent. However, the twist at the end was the high point of the read and created a smile for me.

I thought you did a very nice job on this considering the the limits you were working with. The only thing I saw was in the sentence, " He carefully put the saw down and picked up the canvas bag that had been slung over a branch on that tree." I exactly know why, it just didn't flow quite as easily as the rest of the read. It could just be a little long, or maybe the tense isn't quite right. At any rate, it's somewhat a minor thing in an otherwise really enjoyable read that I think could be developed further!

Nice job!

Eddie v.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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