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Review of Dream  
Review by Esomers
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey, it's me again. (: I like the subject and idea of the poem and I am enjoying your poetry, but I have a few suggestions. (Remember that all suggestions are just that, suggestions, you don't have to do anything I'm saying.)

Let's start with stanza one...

Sitting here all alone,
wondering what to dream.

...The first line in great, and gives the reader a good look at what's going to happen instead of beating around the bush.

The second line however gives way to a lot of repetition...

To dream a dream of happiness or
dream a dream of sadness.

...There were four "dream" in that one stanza. If it had stayed inside this one stanza it would have been okay, but since it's in other's I'm going to suggest changing the wording in the other stanzas. (Sometimes repetition can be good to help sink an image in, but at other times it can make the reader lose the flow)

I suggest changing "dream a dream" to something similar to "close my eyes to find happiness" or anything of that nature (:

To dream a dream of happiness
would be full of sunshine, love and laughter.

In this one I suggest changing it to "or fall into a world of sadness", again it's your choice on what you do.

But to dream a dream of sadness
would be full of dark clouds, sorrow and tears.

The only thing I have to say here is that the "i" needs to be capitalized. (:
So happiness i will dream.

I really enjoyed your poetry and found it to be a very interesting concept.

I hope to hear from you soon,

Keep on writing (:
Review of Writers Infinity  
Review by Esomers
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed you poem. The rhyme scheme was simple and helped the poem flow.

The only things I can think that may need editing is in the third to last stanza. The first line works fine, but the second seems to long to go with the flow. Maybe make It a bit shorter, but I seemed to stumble through that line. Second the last stanza in the first line "perfections" should be changed to "perfection is".

Other than those two thing, I found your writing really cute. I hope to read more of your work soon. Welcome to writing.com and keep on writing.
Review of LOVE HORIZON  
Review by Esomers
Rated: E | (3.0)
I will be reviewing each stanza it's self so that we can get a better understanding of what's happening. Please, also remember everything I'm saying is to make your poem the best it can be and that the suggestions I make are only suggestions, you have the free will to do what ever you want with what I tell you. (Try reading the stanza we are working on out loud)

"Today's morning is as dark as the night last,
When I open my eyes today, there's are broken glass of past."

Looking at this stanzas is hard to understand what you're trying to say. I would suggest changing the first sentence to "Today's morning is as dark as the sky last night' or something similar. I say this because the way it is written the reader automatically wants to divide the sentence in two, yet you need to read it as one part. The second line has a type-o in the second part, however fixing it the line still doesn't make sense. Maybe you meant to say "When I opened my eyes today, there was the broken glass of the past" This should end with a result similar to this...

"Today's morning is as dark as the sky last night
When I opened my eyes today, there was the broken glass of my past"

...The only other thing in this stanza that caught me was the fact that there were only two lines in it. This is only odd because all the other stanzas have four lines. So, maybe try figuring out something you can put in there.

Focusing now on the good, I'd like to say I really enjoyed the flow at the end of the stanza when you wrote "broken glass of my past". It sounds beautiful and makes the reader want to continue to the next stanza. I also enjoy the over all dark tone of this stanza. Dark tones at the beginning, help make bright tones pop even more at the end. Good job. (:

"I had scratched and bitten you,
to taste every drop of love from you.
But, that beast hidden in me,
Dies when there's no light of THEE."

I really enjoyed the beginning (first two lines) and the only thing I would change is the word taste, this is because when you taste something you're only taking a little and when your taking 'every last drop' that's a lot more than tasting. I would suggest the word withdraw, as a better suited component.

The third line in fine, may be use the word "within" instead of "in me", but remember it's your choice to change anything.

The last line however doesn't seen to flow correctly. I know your trying to say something along the lines of "when you leave me", so maybe trying inserting something similar to that for the end?

"Now, there these reddish cloud,
Surrounding and shouting your name clear and loud.
One day with this air of love
may be I could move your heart"

Type-o again, there is a "are" missing from between "there these". I do find this line very pleasant though.

This line seems to be missing something, maybe try "surrounding us and shouting your name loud and clear", inserting the word "us" or something along the lines .

"May be" should be "maybe" for the last line, so it should look like this now...

"Now, there are these reddish clouds,
Surrounding us, and shouting your name clear and loud
One day with this air of love
Maybe I could move your heart"

After fixing the few type-o's on this page the flow words really nice and it sounds really good together. I particular likes the rhyming of clouds and loud, if fits nice and it doesn't sound forced at all. (:
"And then we'll sail across our dream,
holding hands, we'll reach our realm.
Where we'll make our hut,
Surrounded by all red rose bud."

I enjoy the rhythm of this stanza and the way it feels so uplifting since the first stanza. It really has become a good love story.

The only minor things i would change is maybe adding an "s" to "dream" and maybe changing "make out hut" to "build our house" (I would only change this because of the symbolism of a house: stability, family, life, ect...).

The one big thing that caught me here was the last line "Surrounded by red rose bud" it just doesn't flow, sorry. Maybe you could change it to something more romantic such as "Surrounding by the red a million roses" or something similar to just give it some "omph".

"Wish when the sun will set,
I found you on my red carpet,
Coming out from the Mediterranean line
showing me that our love is DIVINE.........."

This ending part needs to be spectacular, so when you stumble on something it really spoils the moment. I am, of coarse, speaking of the first two lines. This is because this needs to be in the moment, in the now. Try making it present tense so it sounds like this...

"Wishing on a setting sun
I find you on my red carpet"

...This makes it seem more in the now, and entices the reader more.

The only complaint I have on the last part is the last word "DIVINE....." and not even the word it's self. It's the way you wrote it. It doesn't need the capitalization. It needs the finesse of being the last word, the absolute. It doesn't neet the "...." because the story has ended with a good ending, leaving the reader nothing to thing about.

The story it's self is beautiful written and gives the reader a good, old fashioned fairy tale. I hope to see more of your writing soon.

Sorry this ended up to be so long and detailed, but I really liked the idea of your work. I hope that you'll message me once you've fixed it up. I can't wait to see what a beautiful piece it will become.

Keep on writing
Review by Esomers
Rated: E | (4.0)
Okay, I'd like to start off saying the reaally enjoyed you poem, and asking you to forgive the forgotten grammer. I'll start out with the things I'd like to fix then move over to the parts I enjoyed, so thanks for listening.

I'd first like to point out that your writing is not divided into stanzas. Though I can easily find when the start and end should be, it helps your readers understand your writing to have it already divided. I took the liberty here and divided it up in a way that would fit the poem right underneath.

"Haunt me in my sleep departed state
Just wipe me off of the crowded slate

I will find a way not to care
No, I do not despair

Was it only just game for gain
Like a vixen, you played off my pain

I gave only dedication to your cause
In my peril I begin to see you pause

How could you act so selfish to me
the sleep calls out, I feel for an eternity

I only with I could manage to hate you
Then maybe I could put you through

The pain you put on a foolish boy
Who dedicated himself to your joy

You are a dream I wish to forget
But forever in my memory you will set"

I would also like to say that in the forth stanza "you" should be "your".

Now, that the bad part's over with I would like to say that I absolutely loves the last stanza. In my head while I was reading I envenom came up to a similar ending to your own. :) I also find the fact that your grammar is already placed to be most delightful, seeing as it's one of the more difficult things in writing.

Once again thanks for listening (remember all ideas are just suggestions) and keep on writing.
Review of Untold Again  
Review by Esomers
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, first up sorry if this sounds a bit rough, it's my first reveiw. So, here we go.

When I was reading I found that there were a few parts that a was stumbling over. One reason is because the stanzas are not divided, I noticed however that is would be divided into four line stanzas so, manybe press enter after each stanza so it looks like this...

'Run to far
As far is untold,
Answers asked
And answers told.

Know the mystery
And mystery solved,
At point of life,
Is life unfounded?

To search or seek,
Knowledge hidden;
Find what’s sought,
And go unbidden.

Farther away
Then back again,
Don’t be led astray.

Hunted fortune
Cached within,
Enigma broken,
Then asked again"

... Looking at the spacing like this however shows that you would need one more line to divide in such a way. The stanza that seems to be missing a line would be the one be fore the last...

"Farther away
Then back again,
Don’t be led astray"

...It may sound better with a line like "follow your own path" at the end, or something similar.

Now I would Also like to say that I really enjoyed the poem and that i found it lovely and enticing. I really enjoyed the third stanza and hope you continue writing. I hope I wasn't to harsh and thanks for listening.

(These are just my thoughts on the poem. Most of what I say is just suggestion so your free to do whatever you want with what I say.)

Thanks, and keep on writing.
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