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9 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Love's Token  
Review by Evan James
Rated: E | (3.5)
I love the idea that you have in here with the chain analogy; for me it was different enough to make it compelling. Overall, I think it needs some work; some of your ryhmes need work (gone and done don't really work together except as a visual rhyme, nor do stuck and lock.) Ending was strong and compelling; rewrite and I think this could be a very good poem.
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Review by Evan James
Rated: E | (3.0)
Overall I liked what I read and what this story was about. The story started slowly, but picked up about a third of the way through it. Although I did like the thought behind the intro, ...was it only yesterday, there were no details that made me feel like the writer still remembered this vivadly like it was actually yesterday, more a distant memory. Throughout I felt there should be more details of the girls or of the scenery to make the reader feel like this just happened. Towards the middle there were more details, but the writer still needs to paint a picture of what he wants the reader to feel. Also, lot's of "telling" of what's happening, not "showing", especially in the first half of the piece. The story was fairly predictable too; I don't mean this in a bad way and I understand that if the writer was relaying a true story. I think that for me and other readers if this had something that differentiated it from other similiar stories that would help to keep the readers throughout.
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