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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/evil_pez
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12 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Dmitri Cassel
Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought this poem was very sweet. I like how you made the poem into a journey that takes you from the comfort of the tree only to guide you back to it.

My only gripe is that you don't say what took you away from the tree. Was it war or family issues or what? I'd love to know what made you have to leave this paradise. Also, you start the second stanza with "Sometimes" instead of "My love". It's just a little confusing.

Those are my only problems with it. You have a very loving poem that can become a very easy five with a little more description. I look forward to reading more of your writing.
2
2
Review by Dmitri Cassel
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I thought this was a good madlib, but I have to say it was very long for a quick exercise for a madlib. I spent a long time entering in words to get to the story.

I don't do madlibs, but the categories were extremely varied. Some parts were terribly specific (ie Jewish Last Name, a French phrase) while others were so general that it was hard to think of what exactly was included in the category (ie substance, noun). The demographic for this madlib is confusing with this broad spectrum of difficulty.

Otherwise, I liked the story the words were put into and I liked where you placed the words in your story.

Keep on writing!
3
3
Review of Institutionalized  
Review by Dmitri Cassel
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a very insiprational tale. The ability to hit rock bottom and climb back up to regain your life. You did some things in this story that I really liked. There were a few really good phrases like "starry camera sky" and "limited as a human being". Calling your roommates by single letters was also a very interesting view into your psyche.

However, the one thing that really brings this down is the rampant use of parenthesis. I have always felt that parenthesis are used when you refuse to write more of the story. All of these could have been integrated into the story for more dramatic effect instead of being there as an after thought.

That is my only issue and it's a very technical one at that. This is a story that should be shared with anyone who feels that there is no other way to feel happy other than to hurt themselves. I applaud your recovery and being able to realize when you've hit rock bottom. I hope this story is read by those who need to read it.
4
4
Review by Dmitri Cassel
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow. This is a really heavy piece of writing. Extremely well done. It gives the impression that you both love and spite your loved ones. Man, I wish I could describe this in some sensible way, but this is just good poetry. I can't see anything wrong with this at all, so it's a 5.0. Great stuff.
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