I'm not generally a big fan of poetry but I found this really good and easy for me to absorb. It made me feel- something. Good work. You're clearly better with words than I.
I really like the flow of this piece. But the part with the dialogue bit confused me a little. But all in all very easy to read, I thought it was headed to a dark place at first but was glad when it turned to something more light hearted toward the end. All in all nice work.
The piece is well written, I like how the colonel is female. I feel a bit fooled for reading it to it's end. One of those won won wooon moments. Not sure how I feel about "mystery" as the primary word for their dilemma and confusion. But all in all a good piece of writing. Funny. :)
I like your usage of the 2nd person point-of-view. I would recommend editing to catch a few simple grammatical errors and breaking the work into paragraphs so it's more readable. Overall, it was a relatable piece of writing that communicates a moment or perspective, but still requires some polishing to be considered a finished piece. Keep producing and refining your craft. Good luck.
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