|Hello! My name is LadyGreen and I'll be giving you a review today!
I've been a huge fan of Weird Tales and pulp fiction ever since I was little. So, it's no surprise that I was delighted to find a entry for the contest as an option for review today!
The opening of the story is very pulpy, which I like. As a matter of fact, my favorite thing about the story was the voice. Spot on and well done!
There's a few things that I noticed with your story that could use some improvement, however. The first thing I noticed was the line, 'Besides being in the same class in college, Alonzo and I admired the charms of a certain woman.' This line is a non-sequitur that doesn't enter into the story at any other point. I feel as though the story would be stronger without it.
The second is regarding the narrator. The ending of the story reveals that he had hired a violinist to torture his relation. However, there's no hint of this in the story itself-- something that comes across as deceptive to the reader, considering the intimate point of view in this story. Also, I feel as though, if the violinist was real, that someone, somewhere, would have pointed this out to Alonzo or remarked on the strange noise. This discrepancy could certainly be made believable with the right world-building, but it doesn't seem likely with the story as it's currently written. A little more work is required, whether it's bolstering your ending or reworking it.
That said, this was a wonderful little pulp story and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I wish you the best of luck on your entry into the Weird Tales contest!