I disagree with your theology, but you've expressed yourself beautifully. I'm wishing for a pronoun for the creator other than "he" but English is very difficult in that regard. God should have a unique pronoun so that we can escape from the problems inherent in assigning a sex-specific pronoun to a sexless being. There are ways around this problem, and if you were in seminary you'd have to learn them. You might see if you can reconstruct your sentences to avoid pronouns for God altogether -- not easy, but possible. I'm pretty sure you are male, so maybe you don't appreciate the consequences of calling God "he" all the time as fully as the females on the planet. You've got a typo in the paragraph beginning "The Son arrived." I think you have achieved what you wanted to.
Congratulations! You took the really big leap and put your stuff out there for people to look at, read, and criticize -- and from your thesis that looks like a huge leap.
You do a great job of talking about what anxiety feels like and use great examples. You don't offer any insight into the mental health question -- why people espouse that idea and why you reject it. If this really is a thesis, then that needs to happen, and then you need to build an argument and draw a conclusion at the end.
1. In the title you want a colon and not a semicolon between Anxiety and Mental. I recommend Hodges' Harbrace Handbook. It's a college standard and there are multiple editions so finding a used one is easy. Finding exactly what you need is easy in this text.
2. In your introduction, I think you need a semicolon between soul and tricks -- otherwise you have a run-on sentence.
3. In the first paragraph, you don't need both "in my opinion" and "I think" -- redundant. You've misspelled considered. Got spell check? But I really can tell exactly how you are feeling. Communicating how you are feeling is a great writing skill, but if this really is a thesis, is this the right place for your feelings? If this is supposed to be presenting an argument about whether anxiety is a mental or emotional disorder, then this first paragraph is the place to define anxiety, emotional disorder, and mental disorder. Then you state your thesis -- that anxiety is an emotional disorder.
4. Second paragraph: You need a comma after supposedly; it's what is called a parenthetical remark. Then, I think the word you want is "arise" and not "arouse". Again, the problem of when to use a semicolon and when a colon comes up. I think you mean "were" and not "where" -- typo? Once again, you do a great job of communicating your emotions and the anxiety arising from them. But if this really is a thesis, then these need to support or refute the definition of mental illness and emotional illness you gave me in the first paragraph. I'm not certain at this point you understand the distinction.
5. Third paragraph: You need a comma after "feelings" before "although". I don't think a comma is the right punctuation between "emotional questions" and "emotions". Maybe you want a dash. You need quotation marks around "lol", "laughing my ass off", etc. Again, great description of the emotional process which causes anxiety. Again, I am missing the logical development of your argument about why this is an emotional and not a mental disorder, if this really is a thesis. On a personal aside, regarding the emotional process -- it's my experience that when I'm questioning my friend's sincerity it's because I'm not being genuine. If I'm masking my true self, trying to be someone I imagine they will like, then when they give me a compliment there is an inner dialog which boils down to "You don't know who I really am; if you did you wouldn't think that." The solution is obvious -- be yourself and then when people tell you they like you, it will be easier to believe.
6. Last paragraph: If this were a thesis, this would be the spot to pull your argument together. The rule for writing a thesis or essay (again see the Hodges' Harbrace book) is tell them what you are going to tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you told them.
I see that you believe this is an argument for the mental versus emotional issue. I repeat that you need to look up the definitions of each -- I'm not sure you understand the distinction.
My rating is low because you identified this as a thesis. If you called it something else I'd have rated it higher. You are communicating emotional process very well. You need to work on mechanics.
Keep writing.
Tehilla
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