Very descriptive! I could almost taste the chocolate myself. Is this vignette part of a series or is it stand alone? With your styleof writing you could easily build a whole series based around the silver box.
This was nicely done, although I don't think the graphic or the bold type add to the story, and at times are distracting. Keep up the good work! I must now go find some chocolate!
This is a sweet metaphor, but I don't think its thought out in its entrirety. Your descriptions make it as if love is like a song and life is like a dance. Either way it makes for a fascinating thought and I could see this being developed into a full story with underlying metaphor.
This is a great story and, as you claimed, it is even better on the second reading! I like that you never outright state that the Sentry is a dog, but rather rely on the reader's intelligence to pull all the clues together. That being said you might want to throw in a more "doggie" term at the end for chow, such as "puppy chow" or Kibbles and Bits. While I understand that you were talking about a dog, I did have to read the last few paragraphs twice (three times total) to make sure I was correct.
Its a bittersweet story. I liked the "Everyman" quality of the story when you say "the girl" or "Father". Later in the story you give them names, which I feel takes away from the story, the names take away some of the power of the telling. You have some repetative descriptions that you could cut, but all in all I like it. I've included some editing suggestions below.
"Dad? Dad? DAD!" A teenage girl screamed to her father...
Change "A" to "The"
"now he was dangerously speeding "
speeding dangerously
"...break the heavy silence.
Her father still hadn't answered ..."
formatting problem, happens a few times
"The girl could no longer see the speed limit signs as they appeared into focus and then whizzed past her before her eyes could register the numbers on them."
This is an akward sentence, try cutting "appeared into focus and then" and use only on "her"
"country house-the house that she was born and raised in."
Instead: "country house she had been born and raised in."
"snow-capped mountains that rest in the background of their home."
"snow capped mountains that rested in the background of their home." you may want to consider "backdrop" or "beyond" or "rested on the horizon."
"Angela heard her father in a disgusted tone as he placed his head on the steering wheel. "
??? Who is disgusted Angela or the father? What is being said in a disgusted tone(you can't HEAR in a disgusted tone).
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