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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/goldenmead
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16 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for a great read. This story reminded me of the folk tales I've read as a young person.
The plot was believable. Setting suited the story and the characters were clearly drawn. The stars in the sky foreshadowed the ending.
Spelling and grammar - no issues.
I really enjoyed this.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Rated: E | (4.0)
First, let me say that this critique is just my own opinion. Please take what works for you and ignore the rest.
I enjoyed the read, thank you for posting it.
There were no issues with grammar or spelling.
The pace is good. I was not tempted to skip over a sentence or a paragraph.
The sentence, "I had just the leisurely route in mind for a cool autumn evening." is a bit awkward and might be rewritten to flow more smoothly, or even leave it out and go one to the next sentence. That reads a bit better to me.
At the beginning, we are told something of the rider, "In college you are grateful to have any bike." So we have a general age for him.
The descriptions of the events that take place are believable.
There could be more descriptions of the scenery and the temperatures as night descends.

The final paragraph sums up the rider's experiences and offers a thought that draws on the Bible verse at the beginning. A good effort that should only improve with small rewrites.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Freshly Dug Grave  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
My critique just offers my own opinions. Take what works for you and leave the rest.
This was a great read. I enjoyed the story.
The pacing is good. At no time was I tempted to skim a sentence or skip a paragraph. The story unfolds slowly and really draws the reader in.
I think that at the very beginning, there is a bit of "head hopping" when Jen and her husband first bury their son. That part could do with a rewrite.
I like that we are never told the name of Jen's husband. This provides a bit of a detachment from Mikey, and it is clear that it was Jen, as mother, who was closest to the boy.
There are no issues with grammar and spelling.
The character of Jen slowly unravels, as she gives in to her obsession with "bringing back" her son. We see this in the description of her, "Her pale skin was dotted with sores, and her prematurely graying hair was a disheveled nest framing sunken, red-rimmed eyes. The lab smelled of dusty sweat and microwaved meals, but Jen didn’t notice. Time stood still when she was with her baby."
There is foreshadowing of what will happen to Jen, when the power is interrupted and when the boy starts to call Jen by her name rather than "mommy". We can see that he is changing, even though Jen's character doesn't see it.
The dialogue serves to move the story along.
I wonder about the time frame. The mother has worked on the program for three years, and her husband leaves just "a few months ago." I think he would have left sooner than that.
The ending was not totally unexpected for me, as I could see Mikey becoming stronger and needy. At the same time, the ending was a good one. Very believable.

A word on using the "-ly" words. It is often best to avoid them. The story can be stronger without them.

Thank you for an interesting and spooky story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Restless  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thank you for letting me read this part of your story. Take what I have to say if it works, and leave the rest. This is my personal opinion only.

First, the beginning paragraph sets the tone and is well written, I think, with those quick short sentences. The reader is immediately pulled into what is happening.

The story moves at a good pace. At no time was I tempted to skip a sentence or a paragraph.

The descriptions of the characters that Sean reveals are well done.

I was not sure what was happening, though, as the baby arrived in the piece. I think that part, revealing the characters, may need a bit more work to show us who they are - or perhaps that will come later in the story.

I do think that the character of Dr. Benson is a bit stereotyped and I was not that interested in him. Have you thought of making him a woman maybe, not that I am trying to change your story! That is up to you!

Spelling, tense and grammar are good.

The water that appears was a nice touch.

Overall, a good read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I enjoyed this story, and was surprised by the ending. It all comes together very well.
One part caught my attention. There is a sentence in the early part of the story "This usually happens after a family style dinner, when we’ve had our fill of broasted chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy and whatever vegetable my mother decided to create a casserole with."
I would rewrite to avoid ending the sentence with the word "with".
"Mother would visit Denny’s parents later and erase the memories that related to their son’s visit with us."
Pacing is good. At no time did I feel the need to skim as I read.
The dialogue moves the story forward.
Spelling and grammar are good.
Nicely done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is my first review, as a newish member here. Please note that as a new reviewer, I may miss important points!
I read through this story, and found myself immediately identifying with this character. It has been many, many years since I was in this situation, but reading it brought back some unhappy memories. That is a good thing as I sympathized with the character.
There were a few typos - missed words I think, but nothing major. Examples "your dad cracks a few jokes to wake and you laugh a little." and "The teacher puts in another group".
Overall, a very good read, and keep up the good work! Is there a part two? I would like to read part two!
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/goldenmead