|General Impressions; I always enjoy being thrown into a traumatic event at the start of a story and having to read on to know how it came to be. Not only am I intrigued to read further but the detective in me goes hard to work trying to figure out the missing pieces. You do a good job of working in enough information to make us(the reader) doubt some of our theories. For example, in the start of the story we're informed Leah is incredibly close to her sisters, a second mother in fact. So even with knowing that the girls are living with her when she starts revisiting old troubles, we can assume there's no way it could be their things she's finding because Leah would know. Still we also know that they've been away since graduating high school so there's room for her to be mistaken, which after reading the story of course we can assume is the case.
What I Liked;
I like that you show Leah's love of the life of a homemaker early on, because it gives a nice background to her mindset when the future child bearing problems arise later on, and how that also might send her off the edge.
In fact I like how almost everything that happens in this story has something else we can look back on and say 'aha I can see how that would effect her' or 'it makes sense she would feel/act this way' You do a good job with cause and effect.
The information we're given about her being called Barbie in school i found irrelevant. If you were trying to paint a picture as to why she might be insecure in the future I would go with relationship stand point, which I know is pretty uncommon in a ten year old. To be honest I don't think you need it at all, so if you wanted you could just skip that all together. You can just give us the information about her mother passing and the role Leah took on for her sisters.
- It was never a consideration that she would go to college, even though she scored a full ride to more than one university - instead of `It was never a consideration` I'd say `She never considered....` It lets the reader know it was her choice and not her surroundings. She didn't want to leave the girls, not that she couldn't.
Cliff: An english professor, I'm pretty sure, after doing a little research, would be no younger than 28/29 in his first year of teaching. So, depending on how far in his career you want him to be, i'd base my age range off that.
You mention something called Southeast, which i assume is some sort of mental health facility, but i would probably state that.
- After he was celebrate two years she relented and took him back... - celibate for two years
- You can’t hold him, your too pathetic to have his baby, your too boring - your in both cases should be 'you're'
The lead up to the ending where Leah starts to experience the phone calls, the strange woman, and the moment with the car, i'm left uncertain if this is actually happening, if she's imaging it, or as noted at the very end in the authors note if it's a part of the strange happenings of the place they live. Reading the story on its own, without the note and away from the series I don't think the latter comes across well. I don't know what it is that she's seeing, because even though we see what her sister is wearing at the end, I can't believe that her sister would actually do/say any of those things to her. What was happening to Leah?
Overall I think you have a really interesting story here, and it seems like a interesting series idea. Keep writing, I look forward to seeing what comes of it.
Remember that this is just one person's opinion. It is meant to help not hinder your writing process.