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1,795 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
My reviews tend to be positive and encouraging, no matter what rating I give. However, I will be honest, so if you request a review, please do not be offended. I assume if you are requesting a review, you'd like feedback on how to improve your item. *Smile*
I'm good at...
I'm a grammar, spelling, punctuation, rhyming, meter sort of gal! If you are looking for technical errors, I'm the girl to call! No longer items, please!
Favorite Genres
Children, YA, and Poetry are my favorites, but I still enjoy most other genres... As long as they aren't too long.
Least Favorite Genres
Non-fiction: I lose interest easily if it doesn't hook me right away.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, short stories, children's genre
Least Favorite Item Types
Longer items. I am so focused on detail that it takes me forever to review longer items.
I will not review...
Longer items. I am so focused on detail that it takes me forever to review longer items.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Red Chair  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Hufflepuff Girl Image
A Harry Potter Review

Greetings, Queen NormalGreenJean Punkins! I am reviewing this because I am part of the "Harry Potter and the Writers' Spell Group.

My ultimate goal in this fantasy genre flash fiction story is to describe what I like, what I think needs improvement, to share useful suggestions, and give you my overall view on the item.


*Quill* My reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Wand*Visually appealing ~ Well-balanced paragraphs with decent amount of dialogue. Looks great! *Thumbsup*
*Wand* Easy to understand ~ I had no trouble following your story. *Smile*

First Impression*Wand*
I was grabbed right away with the red chair and the red clock in the otherwise drab, empty room. The lone, red chair in the middle of the room and the red clock popped out as everything else in the room faded into gray for me. It sort of reminded me of those black and white photographs where only one thing is red (or perhaps a different color other than red.) I've always been drawn to those photos that pull your focus into one area.

Character(s)
*Wand*
I can feel the hesitation of the main character as she stands in the doorway, staring in at the strange set up. The instructions are clear to her and she is willing to take the risk because the reward will make it worth it. At this point, the reader is curious as to what the reward is and continues to read, hooked. The character appears to be a normal person, a little afraid and anxious to proceed, though she does. As this is a flash fiction piece, it is nearly impossible to offer much background information about this character, which is understandable

Plot
*Wand*
The main character receives instructions ‘Go into the house. Find a red chair. Sit in the chair.’ Though somewhat anxious, she follows the directions, willing to take the risk in order to reap the reward. This is a good plot as it keeps the reader reading. The reader is hooked. What is this reward that is worth the risk? The reader is curious and continues to read on.

Is there anything I would change about the story itself?*Wand*
First of all, I realize this is flash fiction and you've packed in a lot in only 300 words! Wow. Amazing. I'm not sure how you could squeeze much more into this little piece, but if you could, I'd like to know more details such as why she would risk this move to follow instructions on a note with no idea who wrote it. What is the risk and what is the reward? Of course as the reader continues on and some of her answers are revealed by the ending, there are still a few unanswered questions. Many times with flash fiction, it's up to the reader to determine the outcome because of the limited word count.

Suggestions*Wand*
In Paragraphs 2 and 4, you've repeated the phrase thought about this for a moment
. You might consider rewording/replacing one or the other. A few options to consider: I pondered further (for Paragraph 4) or I stood, analyzing the situation for Paragraph 2. Repetitive phrases sometimes weaken the writing. Just something to think about, anyway. *Smile*

Also in Paragraph 4: I thought about this for a moment, But decided the risk was worth the reward. You don't really need the comma as the word but works in place of it. Also, you've capitalized the B in But, which is also not needed as it still is part of the sentence. *Smile* I'm sure the capital B was unintentional. *Wink*

In Paragraph 9: “The face of what?” I'm pretty sure you meant race instead of face, since the dialogue above this paragraph says “You have been chosen to bear the race of the colorless.” Unless you meant it the other way around... face instead of race? Either way, I'm pretty sure you meant it to be the same word--either race or face.

What did I like most? What stood out?*Wand*
I love the color-popping visuals this little piece is filled with! So much colorful description not only with the red chair and red clock, but the woman with the long white hair and purple eyes. Even the phrase race of the colorless brings such a strong image to me. And also the part where she delivers a blank child! What a grand imagination you have! I would absolutely love to read a longer version of this flash fiction! Have you thought of expanding it? It's a real attention-grabber!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")

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2
2
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, Bob's Skull Sweat, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


September's Prompt:
In 750 words or less, write a scary story or mystery that includes the following words:
bed
map
cat


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt

*Crayons4* Plot / Internal Conflict / Goal: Little Snake has never hunted for food so Momma Snake takes him out to show him how it's done. When Little Snake disappears, Momma Snake is worried that Tom Cat or Wild Dog might discover him, ending her son's life.

*Crayons7* Characters: Momma Snake and Little Snake steal the show here with background characters such as Tom Cat and Wild Dog. Wow. Very well-done with your characters! I am very impressed by the detail in your descriptions of all four characters which you show the reader instead of just tell. Momma Snake is a great mother figure with her concern over Little Snake, and her patience.

*Crayons* Dialogue: Your dialogue flows nicely and naturally. Excellent. I especially like the elongated Ssss in words such as Yesss and Sssorry. Very snake-like! *Bigsmile*

*Crayons3* Setting(s): The story takes place mostly in the rose garden, which you describe its surroundings nicely. Your added descriptions of the garbage cans spilled by the raccoons were well written. The visuals through the eyes of the main characters are awesome, and just detailed enough that it shouldn't overwhelm a child's interest.

*Crayons5* Technicalities:
Paragraph 2 - “Sssorry, Momma Snake, Sssome noise ssscared me.” This has a couple options for you to consider: 1) Just uncap the S in Sssome, as it's preceeded by a comma, so it's not a new sentence. “Sssorry, Momma Snake, sssome noise ssscared me.” or 2) Divide this into two sentences by replacing the comma with a period. “Sssorry, Momma Snake. Sssome noise ssscared me.”
Paragraph 6 - Tom cat should be Tom Cat to stay consistent. *Wink*
Paragraph 11 - Momma Snake to get scared. You might consider replacing to get with a verb such was or felt or better yet, show she was scared or worried. Maybe Momma Snake worried. Or whatever you think. *Smile*
Paragraph 16 - his very one first meal mouse Did you mean his very first meal mouse without the word one?
Paragraph 17 - It darted into Little Snake’s open fanged mouth. There's really nothing wrong with this sentence, but you might consider It darted straight into Little Snake’s open fanged mouth without realizing it. Just something to think about. *Wink*

*Crayons2* Favorites:
rattling hissy fits
silently on fur padded feet
all teeth and claws
tumbling garbage cans
one twist and snap of their jaws
slither and glide
His tail whipped in the air

~to name a few!
*Starb* I think my ultimate favorite is: “Mice.” Momma Snake tasted them with her tongue on the evening breeze.

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: Well done, Bob! You definitely have a gift for the Children's Genre. I love how you don't actually tell us the snakes are rattlers, though we know they are because of sentences such as Momma Snake became rattled. Her tail shook out loud. You've also covered all the sensory details: sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste. I commend you on this as it's not always an easy task to achieve, nor to remember to include. I don't know how serious you are about publishing, but if you are, I believe you have the talent for it! Very impressive! (Also, from now on I'll look at snakes differently... as mice-eaters. By chance do they eat ground moles, too? *Whistle*

Best of luck in the contest, Bob! *Smile*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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3
3
Review of Hello Again  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, , I am reviewing this today as a judge for "The Writer's Cramp.

Writer's Cramp Prompt: Howard Carpendale had a great hit in Germany with a song with the following title: Hello Again.
Use it as your title, and start the second paragraph of your story with it. (bold for tomorrow's judge) For poets: You have to use it as your title and as start of your poem.


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand

How did the writing make me feel? Did it invoke any emotions? I felt pulled in by this piece, surrounded by years of procrastination. I could feel the narrator's suffocation, too, and temptation of options, though in the end, preferring to at least have the freedom of his own prison.

Can I relate to this? Yes! My neighbor, who is sixty, could have written this very piece! He claims, however, his ma burdened him by leaving him with a house on half an acre. He lifts not a finger to do any repairs. He will mow once in a while, but that's about it. So your poem drew me in as I related to him.

Is there anything I would change within the writing? Not a thing. Great job!

What did you like most? Did anything stand out?
*Starb* I especial liked...

blindfolded windows
and
I prefer this prison over the other

*Starb* You have many great visuals in this piece and it sort of reminds me of the 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle I'm working on right now. There is disarray everywhere, which makes it interesting. The following image especially stood out to me:

the backyard shed
that leans 30 degrees to the east


*Smile* This piece is a wonderfully put together creation of a disordered life. Best of luck in the contest!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Leslie! I am reviewing this because I am part of "Harry Potter review affiliation group. *Smile* I chose your item because it has the Harry Potter theme. *Wink*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* First of all, I love the concept of Harry Potter having a twin sister (Calysta, though known before as Rosabella Cullen (who comes from the Twilight series.)) It's a new twist I haven't heard yet and would love to read more about! *Smile*
         *Bullet* The story reads along easily and I want it to continue. *Bigsmile* To be honest, I've never thought about writing FanFiction nor have I read much of it until a few months ago when challenged through a WDC Official Contest. I chose The Wizard of Oz and found I enjoyed writing a new twist to a popular tale. It was fun! So I've opened my mind to it now, and you've definitely got a knack for it with this idea of Harry Potter meeting his twin sister.

         *Starb* My favorite lines: I walked onto the scarlet train, nerves racking my body. I was going to meet my brother for the first time in eleven years. I can easily visualize Calysta anxiously boarding the train, all in aflutter to meet her brother. *Smile* I also really like a smile curling at my lips. Great visual!

Suggestions to Consider


Let's get those silly little typos out of the way first: *Wink*

         *Bullet* Paragraph 1: now its Calysta *Right* now it's Calysta its should be a contraction here, representing it is.
         *Bullet* Paragraph 1: the chose one *Right* the chosen one
         *Bullet* Paragraph 2: My eyes widen as I took in the appearance *Right* My eyes widened as I took in the appearance You've switched to present tense here and then went back to past tense. Easy to do! *Wink*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 3: He stood up rather slowly, recognition in his eyes, did he recognize me? *Right*He stood up rather slowly, acknowledgement in his eyes. Did he recognize me? So as not to be repetitive, consider replacing recognition/recognize with something similar. Also, splitting the sentence into two sentences is something to consider. *Smile*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 3: He whispered astonished *Right* he whispered, astonished
         *Bullet* Paragraph 3: He engulfed me in a tight embrace, he smelled of the earth, the scent was very comforting. *Right* He engulfed me in a tight embrace, smelling of the earth. The scent was very comforting. Please consider breaking this run-on sentence up a bit. This is one example for you to consider. *Smile*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 3 I had almost forgotten he was here, my brother and I pulled apart, we were both smiling widely. *Right* I had almost forgotten my brother was here. I pulled apart and we were both smiled widely. Another run-on sentence to consider changing.
         *Bullet* Paragraph 3: Calysta meet my new friend *Right* Calysta, meet my new friend When addressing someone, always add a comma after the name. *Wink*

Final Thoughts

         I'd love to see you continue with this! You've grabbed this reader and she wants to read more! *Bigsmile* And please don't be discouraged with the above suggestions, as they are just technicalities. It's the story idea itself that is important and you have a great start! Also, if you decide to go back and edit those typos, let me know and I'll change the rating. *Smile* Write on!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Ted  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Odessa Molinari - killed in 53! I discovered this piece in Random Reviews and decided to review it. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* *Shock2* Oh.My.Gosh. *Laugh* This is definitely a horror story, indeed. The annoying mother, the chubby baby, and Teddy the teddy bear who is evil!
         *Bullet* Great ending! It actually could not be better.
         *Bullet* The middle, of course, covers the teddy bear murdering the baby's mother. The baby tells Teddy to wait till tomorrow, but the stuffed bear cannot wait. The baby now is in a dilemma, since his mom provided him breast milk and is dead.

*Notev* Favorite line... Where was the human milk supplier when I needed her? I know I shouldn't laugh. *Laugh*

Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* Paragraph 4: "I've done what you wanted," teddy said *Right* "I've done what you wanted," Teddy said You might consider capitalizing the t in teddy
         *Bullet* I have no other suggestions. Great spelling, punctuation, grammar, and so on. *Smile*

Final Thoughts

         You did such a great job telling a horror story in only 361 words! It was creepy but with an ending that put a smile on my face. *Bigsmile* Great sense of humor in that last line. *Laugh*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Violet! I discovered this second chapter of yours in your portfolio, to my thrill after reading the first exciting chapter. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* So now the blonde guy enters the scene and he's human, which puts a new spin on things since he's able to see the Open sign and all the dead people working and living in the hotel! *Shock2* Now what? Can't wait to find out! *Wink*
         *Bullet* You keep the reader interested throughout the chapter!
         *Bullet* A favorite line: Now, Tatiana, why don’t you tell me why it is you looked like you’d just seen a ghost when I walked in here?” Loved this! *Bigsmile*
         *Bullet* Another favorite line: I was always a bit shy, but when most of the world can quite literally look through you and not hear you when you scream as loudly as you can, the desire for attention creeps in until it carves out a hollow space in your heart that never really gets filled.
         *Bullet* Nice ending to this chapter, too. I've already got my eye on Chapter 3! *Smile*

Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* Paragraph 9: “Well I do have eyes,” he chuckled *Right* “Well, I do have eyes,” he said, chuckling
         *Bullet* Paragraph 19: “I certainly do use a guest book Mr. Ivanov. *Right* “I certainly do use a guest book, Mr. Ivanov. Consider using a comma to address someone. *Smile*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 22: “you know *Right* “You know
         *Bullet* Paragraph 26: as rolled his eyes *Right* as he rolled his eyes (left out a word *Wink*)

Final Thoughts

         Like your previous chapter, everything flowed nicely and you kept me reading! I do hope you continue with this. I've really enjoyed it so far!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Violet! I don't remember where I found this treasure, but I had it saved in order to review it. The title and its summary drew me in immediately! *Wink*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* *Shock2* I want more! *Sob* Please!!!
         *Bullet* I didn't miss a word! I hung on to each and every one. I absolutely loved the idea of a hotel run by ghosts whose guests were ghosts, too. The narrator--Tatiana--works as a receptionist at the hotel and has her own room on the third floor. The guests are wealthy, poor, young, old, intelligent, funny, strange, and a variety of other adjectives I couldn’t possibly think of all at once. One thing they all have in common though, is that they are no longer alive.
         *Bullet* And now Tatiana has become bored, longing for something to break up the monotony. I love how you left me hanging... and that something happened to walk through the door last night.

Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* I have no suggestions as far as corrections go. Otherwise, please keep going with this story... I'm lovin' it!

Final Thoughts

         You definitely have what it takes to be an author, as far as luring, hooking, and grabbing a reader's attention! I haven't checked in your port yet to see if you've written a 2nd chapter, but I will. *Wink*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Snow Soup  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, 🕷🕸Cursed_Spider! I discovered this piece in Random Reviews. You wrote this in 2014? You've been here since 2008? How did our paths never cross till the past year or so? *Laugh*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* Great story! I definitely understand Penny's anger. *Laugh* Especially with Edgar's laid back attitude. *Whistle*
         *Bullet* Snow Soup is a great title! Doesn't sound like a great soup though. *Wink*
         *Bullet* Superb dialogue.
         *Bullet* Realistic. Did this happen to you, Mike??? *Smile*
         *Bullet* Smooth, no typos, polished. *Checko*
         *Bullet* You are a good storyteller!

Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* I have nothing for you as far as suggestions go. Good job!

Final Thoughts

         I heard Colorado (or at least up near Denver) got some snow yesterday. Hopefully you went to the store beforehand. *Wink*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, JubeCube ~ SSDGM! I discovered this piece in Random Reviews and decided a slumber party murder might be an interesting read! *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* Tension adds curiosity to the story, so you hooked me right away as Emily walked home, hearing the Pat. Pat. Pat. Pat. Pat. Scary!
         *Bullet* I love the slumber party theme for the murders! You did a good job with the imagery of the girls screaming. I have two daughters who are all grown up now, but when they were younger and lived at home, they had slumber parties once in a while. I definitely connected with your slumber party, minus the murders, of course. *Laugh*

Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* There are lots of names! Perhaps leave off the sir names of Emily's friends since they aren't relevant. I also noticed some of her friends' names were similar to each other, like Katherine, Kathlene, and Cathleen. This can be confusing. You could name one Kat and call another Cathy, for instance. *Smile*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 8: “Dunno lets go have a look.” Alana replied. *Right* “Dunno. Let's go have a look,” Alana replied. I added a period after the first word, then added an apostrophe to lets because it's a contraction. I also replaced the period after the word look. *amaile*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 12: “Kayla what’s on your nightshirt?” *Right*“Kayla, what’s on your nightshirt?” Use a comma when addressing someone. *Wink*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 27: I lent on the bench *Right* I leaned on the bench
*Notev* There are a few other typos, but nothing huge. I also noticed on some of your dialogue tags that you capped She said so you might consider fixing those, too.

*Noteg* I'd be happy to rerate this if you decide to polish is up a bit. *Wink*


Final Thoughts

         I just noticed that you wrote this 13 years ago! Wow! I have no doubt if you go through this now, you will pick up on what I've suggested, then edit this and contact me to re-review it. *Wink* It definitely has potential and I can see teen girls reading it for a scare!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Happiness  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, 🎃Lili J.🎃 - Is Spooky!! I discovered this piece in Random Reviews and am happy to review it. *Smile*


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* I like the orange font. *Wink*
         *Bullet* I love the font size! *Smile*
         *Bullet* And though your poem is short, it's worded very nicely and has meaning. Sometimes less is more. I get weary at times when reading stanza after stanza, unless it's a story within a poem, that is. *Wink*
         *Bullet* You are consistent with using no punctuation, which sometimes I prefer. In this case, it works. *Smile*
         *Bullet* Your meaning is clear, your spelling is perfect, and the flow is smooth.
         *Bullet* I believe you are correct in saying that if you look in the right places, you'll find happiness! Good message!


Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* I have one observation worth mentioning in Line 3: You'll find happiness *Right* You'd find happiness Because the other lines are past tense, this line should follow suit. *Wink*
         *Bullet* Everything else looks great!


Final Thoughts

         Great hakui following the 5/7/5 line count! Something you might try just for the heck of it, is uncapping the first letter of lines 2 and 3.


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Press  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Ckrose77! I discovered this piece on the Newbie Works List page. I also noticed you have been a new member for less than a month. Welcome! I hope you are enjoying the site! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* I really enjoyed this free verse poem about pressing on towards a spiritual awakening. *Smile*
         *Bullet* The repetition of yet I press! and So I press! works well in this piece.
         *Bullet* Great rhythm and flow! No awkward areas at all.
         *Bullet* I liked your imagery, such as thorns reach out to tear my skin and the taste of dirt entertains my tongue. Very nice!

Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* Line 1: an thorns reach *Right* as thorns reach
         *Bullet* Line 3: My mouth dry *Right* My mouth is dry or My mouth, dry,
         *Bullet* Line 4: it's heavy rays *Right* its heavy rays It's is a contraction. Pronouns do not follow the apostrophe s rule.
         *Bullet* In Line 9, you switch from present tense to past tense. I looked up to You and gave it all. should be written in present. I look up to You and give it all.

Final Thoughts

         I thought this poem was awesome! Great job! *Smile*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Josh Bolling! I discovered this piece the Newbies Work List page. I also noticed you are brand new to WDC, beginning five days ago! Welcome! I hope you are enjoying the site! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* I liked that you kept my interest in this Twilight Zone-type tale!
         *Bullet* What great images you produced in my mind, such as a tiny spider nestled in the hairs within Mrs. Sutphin's ear.
         *Bullet* The main character--the doctor who likes his gin and tonics--thinks of his weekly rounds in the Atlantic Coast Care Facility as inspecting the walking dead!
         *Bullet* Another great visual that shows the too-excited doctor's anxiety over spotting the tiny brown spider once again... My breaths are short and a bead of sweat trails down my back underneath my button-up. I switch the otoscope's light on and peer into the void of her ear. Excellent image! *Smile*
         *Bullet* And then there's the ending! *Shock2* Oh. My. Goodness. *Laugh* I believe the doctor went off his rocker! The perfect ending, of course. *Wink*


Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* My only suggestion is irrelevant to the rating and review of this piece. *Smile*
Most members double-space between paragraphs because it makes it a little easier to read on a computer screen, especially for the sake of reviewing. *Wink* I did appreciate the larger print and the indented paragraphs! *Bigsmile*

Final Thoughts

         A great and entertaining piece of writing! It might, however, make me think twice next time my doctor takes a peek into my own ear. *Laugh* Though mine isn't hairy... at least I don't think it is. *Shock2*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Tema! I discovered this piece on the Newbies Work List page. I also noticed you are new to WDC, though a returning member, Welcome back! I hope you are enjoying the site once again! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* Children's stories are my favorite genre, so of course I was lured in by yours!
         *Bullet* Your paragraphs are perfectly short (not overwhelming for a child to read) and you've included lots of dialogue, which moves the story along nicely.
         *Bullet* Fuzzy the caterpillar added a nice touch to the story. A colorful creature that wiggles and squirms and soft to touch is an instant friend to any young child!
         *Bullet* You include an antagonist, which is a perfect pick as Alex's older, bully brother. I was relieved that Mark never discovered Fuzzy!


Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* Paragraph 2: inched it's way along *Right* inched its way along It's is a contraction only. *Smile*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 3 You have lots of tiny legs Fuzzy *Right* You have lots of tiny legs, Fuzzy Insert a comma when addressing someone's name.
         *Bullet* Paragraph 5: "A-l-e-x, oh A-l-e-x," Mark called sweetly. *Right* "Alex! Oh, Alex!" Mark called sweetly. Unless Mark is spelling Alex's name out, perhaps italicizing her name would be an alternative to consider. *Smile*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 11: Alex had started to try not to giggle *Right* Alex tried her best not to giggle Just an option!

*Notev* I have one other observation worth mentioning... I'm wondering about a four year-old being at a park alone. Could you instead replace the park setting to the back yard? Or perhaps mention the parent or grandparent nearby, perhaps on a park bench? Just a thought. *Smile*


Final Thoughts

         This is a sweet story about a little girl, a caterpillar, and a brother who can be a bully. Alexandria manages to hide Fuzzy under her sun hat, protecting him from the hands of Mark. At last he goes home and Alex takes Fuzzy to a bush and lets him go on a leaf. *Smile* A feel good story, which I feel is a must for children! *Wink* Good job!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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14
14
Review of The Leap  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, lloth5454! I discovered this piece on the Newbies Work List page. I also noticed you have been a member of WDC for about two weeks now. Welcome! I hope you are enjoying the site! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* This reminds me of my daughter's job! She works with challenged children at a public elementary school and often shares similar stories with me. It takes a special person to work with special kids and I commend you! *Smile*
         *Bullet* You've done a great job telling us of this experience! It's clear, easy to follow, includes humor and is definitely visual! *Wink*
         *Bullet* Favorite line: He does it with such a face of disgust that it reminds me of someone disposing a dead mouse from a mousetrap. *Laugh* Great comparison!
         *Bullet* I got a kick out of all your universal references. *Smile* And I wasn't too surprised when you added But autism doesn’t really hold tight with the ‘universal norms’.
         *Bullet* This is a wonderful piece! I absolutely love how you end it, too.


Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* Paragraph 5: teachers chair *Right* teacher's chair
         *Bullet* Paragraph 5: Worse. The chair is on wheels! *Right* Worse? The chair is on wheels! or Even worse, the chair is on wheels!


Final Thoughts

         You are a wonderful storyteller! I'm sure you and my daughter would have many stories to share. I enjoyed this very much and I look forward to reading more from you in the near future!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Noreen Snyder! I discovered this piece on the Newbies Work List. I also noticed you are new to WDC! Welcome! I hope you are enjoying the site! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* I liked that this piece speaks directly to the stroke. You did a great job with that!
         *Bullet* My favorite lines are:

So why-- Why my man?
Just bring him back to me
like he was


         *Bullet* Everything flows very nicely. Good job!


Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* I don't have any suggestions!


Final Thoughts

         I've never read a poem where the narrator speaks to a stroke who has damaged her husband's body. I'm sorry to hear about the whole experience. You did a great job writing this poem. I look forward to reading more from you in the near future. Hope you are enjoy our community! It's a great place to be. *Smile*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Love Me  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Elexis LaFay! I discovered this piece on the Newbies Work List. I also noticed you are very new to WDC! Welcome! I hope you are enjoying the site! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. *Smile*


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* Great rhythm throughout this piece. *Smile*
         *Bullet* I like how you tell it like it is. No beating around the bush! *Wink* You know what you want and that's good! You don't want to waste your time on someone who isn't going to be there for you.
         *Bullet* This is almost got a lyrical feel to it, which I like.
         *Bullet* My favorite line: Don't make love to me then up and disappear.
         *Bullet* Good job!


Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* Stanza 2, Line 1: through out *Right* throughout one word in this instance
         *Bullet* Your punctuation looks great, along with your spelling. Thumbs up! *Thumbsupr*

Final Thoughts

         Your title summary says it all: Something short and sweet on how to love me. You've got it exactly right! Great flow, too. *Smile*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of I Write In 2020  
for entry "The Gift of 2020
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, 💙 Carly - BLUE!!💙! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write in 2020. *Smile*


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* This is a great piece, Carly! I really enjoyed this.
         *Bullet* A favorite line... to stay afloat on a sea of insecurity
         *Bullet* Another favorite... introverts with writing dreams
         *Bullet* And also, we are in this together
         *Bullet* I could keep going, but I'd have the entire poem on here! *Facepalm*
         *Bullet* Great flow and images.
         *Bullet* Very nice!


Suggestions to Consider


         *Bullet* Line 3: it's anxiety *Right* its anxiety I know you know this! Just one of those silly typos! *Laugh*
         *Bullet* Everything else looks perfect!


Final Thoughts

         When I read a piece that flows so well, it feels like the words just fell into place for you. Sometimes that really happens, but most of the time, it doesn't, unfortunately! But either way, this is a great poem woven with positives in trying times. Great work!

Best of luck in the contest! *Smile*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*



Greetings, lezismore-with 2020 vision! I discovered this piece on the Please Review. How could I resist an alien canine abduction??? *Bigsmile*


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* I adore that you named your dog Loretta! It's definitely got character!
         *Bullet* This made me chuckle: (chocolate does not seem to have the same harmful effect that it has on most dogs I have owned in the past). Your humor seems very natural, not forced at all.
         *Bullet* I loved reading this! What a great story about a dog who was abducted by the aliens (or was she?) *Laugh* You are a wonderful storyteller!

Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* Pararaph 5: A blinding light filled the livingroom then slowly dimmed then vanished. *Right* A blinding light filled the living room then slowly dimmed until it vanished. Livingroom should be two words--I make this same error a LOT! *Wink* Also, to avoid the repetition of 'then' (you have it three times in a short paragraph), I replaced the last one with 'until it' as an option to consider. *Smile*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 8: the Television screen *Right* the television screen No need to capitalize the T.
         *Bullet* Paragraph 9: They gave me a curious look and but agreed *Right* They gave me a curious look but agreed I'm guessing you meant to choose one or the other and ended up typing both without realizing it. *Wink*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 14: hanging in the Living room *Right* hanging in the living room No need to capitalize the L.
         *Bullet* Paragraph 18 if she knew of anyway that *Right* if she knew of any way that I believe in this case, 'anyway' should be two separate words.
         *Bullet* Paragraph 26: When I finally came too *Right* When I finally came to to, not too
         *Bullet* Paragraph 30: my wallet had gone *Right* my wallet was gone
         *Bullet* Pararaph 32: I despair that may never *Right* I despair that I may never (forgot the word 'I'. )

Final Thoughts

         I loved reading this! I would have rated it higher except for the typos. If you make the corrections, I will be happy to up the rating. Just let me know. *Smile*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Walking Home  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Jacky! I discovered this piece in Random Reviews and really enjoyed it. *Smile*


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* I found this especially interesting since I, too, am a people watcher. Not a window peeker, to make it clear, *Laugh*, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't notice activity inside someone's house as I walked or drove by. *Whistle* But walking in the shadows to watch people feels like it might border on disturbing. *Laugh* And yet... intriguing!
         *Bullet* I didn't see the end coming, which thrills me that it was not predictable. I don't mind predictable stories as long as the writing lures me in enough to turn each page, but a surprise ending is like dessert!
         *Bullet* Excellent visuals, of course! People-watching can be very interesting. Your descriptions are great!
         *Bullet* I think my favorite line/visual is: Mr. and Mrs. Grant, still as stiff as ever, watching TV as rigid as if they were at a town meeting.

Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* Paragraph 2: Tonight, in her old neighborhood walking home after visiting her parents. *Right* Tonight, after visiting her parents, she walked home in her old neighborhood. Just an example, of course, but a complete sentence. Your version felt more like a scene set up for a script. *Wink*
         *Bullet* Paragraph 3: The envy of her group back then, only to find out later it was so swank then, because it was a brothel! *Right* The envy of her group back in the day, only to find out later it was so swank then, because it was a brothel!
         *Bullet* *Right* The word 'then' felt repetitious so I replaced it with 'in the day' as an option for your consideration. *Smile*

Final Thoughts

         I've always admired your writing and this piece is no exception! Loved it! Great work!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Jamaican Queen! I discovered this piece in Random Reviews. I also noticed you are new to WDC! Welcome! I hope you are enjoying the site! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. *Smile*


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* A love so deep like the ocean I absolutely love this line that you begin your poem with! Awesome opener! *Smile* What a great comparison, too.

Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* Just a minor suggestion here. I will use the following lines as an example and then you can decide if you like it or not:
As the wind blows
It soars throughout the day and night

You might consider uncapping the I in the second line as it is a continuation of the line above it. It's not a must, but it does help it flow a little smoother. *Wink* If you like it, you might want to do the same in other areas where two lines are a continuation of each other. *Smile*
As the wind blows
it soars throughout the day and night


Final Thoughts

         Your piece describes what unconditional love is like and you've covered it nicely. You use words such as soar, eternal, unconditional, and everlasting along as phrases such as deep like the ocean, my heart smiles, and more than eternal. Very nice!

Again... Welcome to WDC! *Hug1**hug**Hug2*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Aubrey's Play! I am reviewing this because I discovered it in Random Reviews. *Smile* I'd also like to welcome you to Writing.com, as I see you are quite new!


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* I liked your rhyme scheme of a/b/a/c which is less used in comparison to a/b/c/b. It's refreshing to read something unique. *Smile*
         *Bullet* My favorite lines are:

Sometimes everything will feel like an air raid
But after the storm, after the chaos, your rainbow will shine



Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* Not too much to suggest other than you might consider uncapping some of the beginning of your lines that are continuations from the previous lines. One example is:

Every step you take, every decision you make
Is a step closer toward your dream


Perhaps try...

Every step you take, every decision you make
is a step closer toward your dream


It's not really a correction that I'm suggesting, mostly an option. *Wink*


Final Thoughts

         Your message is a strong one. *Smile* Hope you are enjoying the site!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, HollyMerry! I discovered this gem *Gemt* in Random Reviews and am so glad I did! *Smile*


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* I thoroughly enjoyed this read! *Delight* It made me smile all the way through!
         *Bullet* Your writing style is amazing. Great flow, tone, and imagery!
         *Bullet* What a delight to read something through the eyes of a dachshund who uses a doggy wheelchair for his back legs. Such a positive story!
         *Bullet* Your visuals were awesome, for example: I got out of my bed dancing with my front paws, exciting as always for another day. and I played with my blue ball that has dog biscuits hidden inside, manically chasing it about the room.

*Pawprints* And my favorite is: I managed to relax despite the thunder as I was given some doggy reiki whilst listening to pet calming music.


Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* In a few spots I noticed: my Mummy where the M didn't need capping.
         *Bullet* Paragraph 4:goats milk *Right* goat's milk or goat milk.


Final Thoughts

         I adore this piece! You are definitely a gifted writer and I hope to read more of your work in the future! *Smile*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Cherish Now  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Fynspookular!! I am reviewing this because it came up in Random Reviews and it looked like something I might connect to. *Smile*


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* I instantly connected to this! Wow, I could've written something similar, myself, though not nearly as in depth. This is great! *Wink*
         *Bullet* Your opening lines intrigued me:
Angry.
I want to spit blood
in the faces of brain-dead people

         *Bullet* I think my favorite is:
empty words through toothy smiles.
         *Bullet* You have so much to say and I agree with every bit of it! You've written a great message.


Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* In Stanza 1: and her Great-aunt *Right* and her great-aunt
         *Bullet* In Stanza 2: relying instead up his poor *Right* relying instead on his poor}


Final Thoughts

         I'm thinkin your were on a mission when you wrote this... perhaps recently having experienced such relatives or a dearly departed loved one another only pretended to care about. I've seen these people. I probably know such people. It's sad and sickening, indeed. I loved all your great advice on things like:

laughing heartily at the story
of when Grandpa Whomever did that what-ever-it-was
and who will laugh
the same at the umpteenth telling
as they did when it happened.


A truly great and wonderful piece of writing, Fyn! *Heart*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Trick-r-Trinketing Sum1! I discovered this feel-good story on the Read & Review page. *Smile*


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* This is such a sweet story! Although I had a feeling of what was to come, it's nice to have it validated. Whew! I'm one of those who believe in good endings. *Bigsmile* Good job!
         *Bullet* There were so many things about this holiday story that I loved. I got a kick out of Lisa telling Christopher he reminded her of the movie star from the Jurassic Park series, Sir Richard Attenborough, instead of Santa Claus. *Laugh* And Santa... I mean Christopher, certainly got a kick out of it, too. Nice touch!


Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* The only thing I really noticed were a few areas where commas should be, which is a minor technicality, of course. *Wink* Everything else looked great!


Final Thoughts

         I enjoyed this feel-good piece very much! The little song/poem Christopher recited was special, too. Did you write that yourself? Now... if Santa could just make this virus disappear!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Trick-r-Trinketing Sum1! I discovered this on the Read & Review page and decided to review it. *Smile*


*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* I'm quite patriotic and my family has served in the military, so this poem drew me in. My uncle served in Vietnam, my father-in-law in Normandy, and other members also served though not in a war. I've lost no one to war, but I could have. I know others who did. It's heart-wrenching. Thank you for sharing this beautifully written reminder of those who have died fighting for our freedom.


Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* The rhymes and the meter weren't always right-on, but this still worked for me. In fact, for some odd reason, I could hear Johnny Cash's voice as I read through this with his guitar playing in the background as he read your words and it sounded perfect. I know that's weird, but true!


Final Thoughts

         This is a great piece and a great tribute to those who not only lost their lives, but the soldiers who carry the memories of their comrades. *Heart*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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