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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/grcubby
Review Requests: OFF
1,859 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
My reviews tend to be positive and encouraging, no matter what rating I give. However, I will be honest, so if you request a review, please do not be offended. I assume if you are requesting a review, you'd like feedback on how to improve your item. *Smile*
I'm good at...
I'm a grammar, spelling, punctuation, rhyming, meter sort of gal! If you are looking for technical errors, I'm the girl to call! No longer items, please!
Favorite Genres
Children, YA, and Poetry are my favorites, but I still enjoy most other genres... As long as they aren't too long.
Least Favorite Genres
Non-fiction: I lose interest easily if it doesn't hook me right away.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, short stories, children's genre
Least Favorite Item Types
Longer items. I am so focused on detail that it takes me forever to review longer items.
I will not review...
Longer items. I am so focused on detail that it takes me forever to review longer items.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Goats 4 Sale  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, Sewcrazy Again 🤗, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing Yes, no issues, well-balanced paragraphs.
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand Lovely flow!
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt Yes!

*Crayons4* Plot It is Gemma's birthday and she's hoping to find Goats 4 Sale.

*Crayons* Dialogue: There's some dialogue, but since this is narrated by the main character, not a lot is need. It worked well the way you've written it.

*Crayons3* Setting: Nice descriptions throughout, beginning with the ride to the auction and the auction itself. Good job!

*Crayons5* Technicalities: (just a few easy-peasy fixes *Wink*)
          the things he going to need --> the things he is going to need
         We’re almost there everyone --> We’re almost there, everyone
         I asked a farmer lady who had some baby pigs. “If she saw any goats come in today because it is my birthday, and I am looking for a baby goat to raise.” --> I asked a farmer lady who had some baby pigs, “Have you seen any goats come in today because it is my birthday, and I am looking for a baby goat to raise?” or perhaps I asked a farmer lady who had some baby pigs if she saw any goats come in today because it is my birthday, and I am looking for a baby goat to raise. (You also worded a similar line a few paragraphs down.)

*Note* Your tense changed from present to past part way through. I know this is easy to do because I've done the same thing before. *Whistle*

*Crayons2* Favorites: I must say, I really enjoyed the tone of this piece. You have a nice way of storytelling. It rolls along smoothly with lines such as With the quiet rivers and creek beds, sometimes I can see the fish jumping out of the waters.

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: You include very nice visuals in your story! I enjoyed every single one. I loved the easy flow, going on the journey with Gemma on her birthday as she looks for Goats 4 Sale. Such a lovely story with a great ending! Please don't be discouraged with my suggestions, as they are small in comparison to the story itself.

Best of luck in the contest!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
for entry "Getting Your Goat
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, Bob'n Around, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing Nice imagery
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand Yes

*Crayons7* Characters: Great characters, especially Mister Snyder.

*Crayons* Dialogue: Excellent!

*Crayons3* Setting: The country

*Crayons5* Technicalities: Only one: “You’re not bad for being ancient history, Mister Snyder,” the kid looked awkward, hands stuffed restless into pockets. You might consider replacing the first comma with a period or adding a dialogue tag. *Smile* A couple examples: “You’re not bad for being ancient history, Mister Snyder.” The kid looked awkward, hands stuffed restless into pockets. or “You’re not bad for being ancient history, Mister Snyder,” the kid said, looking awkward, hands stuffed restless into pockets.

*Crayons2* Favorites:
I absolutely loved the tone in this story. The old man was amazing, how he dealt with those kids.

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: Wonderfully written, Bob! Great flow.


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, Marvelous Friend, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing Excellent visuals!
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand Yes!
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt Perfectly!

*Crayons4* Goal: Farmer Dan goes to market to buy some goats but gets distracted. *Laugh*

*Crayons7* Characters: Farmer Dan is quite a character! *Smile*

*Crayons3* Setting: The market

*Crayons5* Technicalities: I found no issues whatsoever. Excellent!

*Crayons2* Favorites: Oh my goodness! I loved this entire story! I absolutely love the interaction in this piece, along with the icons of all the animals. Children would love this!

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: I am so totally impressed with this little story. You are very gifted, I hope you realize. Writing for children isn't as easy as some think. You, my dear writer, have what it takes! Best of luck in the contest!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
Image #1191551 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, cdcraftee, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt

*Crayons4* Plot: After moving from the big city into the country, Sarah realizes she isn't able to buy the essentials she had access to before her move, and the ingredients she uses for the special formula she needs for the baby, is next to impossible to find. Then she comes up with a great idea!

*Crayons7* Characters: Believable characters

*Crayons* Dialogue: Good dialogue

*Crayons3* Setting: The country

*Crayons5* Technicalities: I didn't pick up on any misspellings, grammar issues, or typos. *Smile* I did, however, notice you have this rated for age 13+ and also as non-fiction. Not sure if you meant that, or not. *Wink*

*Crayons2* Favorites: I loved the ending! What an unsuspecting surprise! *Shock*

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: Like me, I think children would love your ending. And Nan, too, of course. This is an adorable story. I really liked your title! *Wink* Best of luck in the contest!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
for entry "Where Have You Been
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Prosperous Snow writing poetry! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write In 2021. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* Great rhyming! It's not always easy rhyming one word six times without it sounding forced. You did great! *Smile*
         *Bullet* You managed to grasp my curiosity about where this person spends their daylight hours. I feel like this could be a riddle.
         *Bullet* You followed the rules to the contest perfectly. *Smile*


Suggestions to Consider


         *Bullet* I have no suggestions


Final Thoughts

         I can't help but wonder what the answer is. *Laugh*

Best of luck in the contest, Neva!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Survival  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Sumojo! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write In 2021. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* Wow. I felt like I had my binoculars, watching every detail through to the end! I was completely mesmerized by your story. *Smile*
         *Bullet* I learned about an unfamiliar plant--the wait awhile vine! I even went as far as looking it up so I could visualize it. *Wink*
         *Bullet* I've always loved survival stories, so this was a pleasure to read! You've done an awesome job with this. Great sequencing, as well.
         *Bullet* And of course I was cheering Sam on, especially regarding that wild boar!
         *Bullet* Great flow!
         *Bullet* A clearly visual experience!


Suggestions to Consider


         *Bullet* Word count limit is 2000 and I noticed yours is 2114.
         *Bullet* It could have been Sam, Dave wasn’t sure at first, it didn’t look like his friend. You might want to consider replacing one of those commas with a semi-colon to help break it up. Or a period. Or both. Just an option. *Smile* It could have been Sam; Dave wasn’t sure at first. It didn’t look like his friend.


Final Thoughts

         What a way to choose to spend a four-week holiday! *Facepalm*

Best of luck in the contest, Sue!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Sumojo! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write In 2021. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* I know this is fiction but it definitely feels real and drew me right in! *Smile* I hung onto every word.
         *Bullet* He moved with a strange gait; reminding me somewhat of Quasimodo, the hunchback of Notre Dame. Great visual!!!
         *Bullet* I was sure that a dump like the Bloomfield Lodge could never be fully booked, but the clerk still went around the counter and opened the reservation book on the desk. Oh my goodness, lol, I've been to motels like this!
         *Bullet* Your description of the hotel room was great! The neglect, the Bate's hotel reference, and the number of the room being thirteen, kept me alert, lol.
         *Bullet* I loved the way you ended this, without coming right out and stating the outcome.


Suggestions to Consider


         *Bullet* take over from me *Right* take over for me This could very well just be a difference in dialect preference, so please ignore this suggestion if that's the case. *Wink*
         *Bullet* “Did you reserve a room?” He said *Right* “Did you reserve a room?” he said
*Note* I wasn't sure what you meant by Maybe it’s a fancy title for a dog’s body. *Confused*
*Note* Just one other observation: You begin your story in present tense and eventually switch to past test. *Wink*


Final Thoughts

         I always enjoy reading and reviewing your writing. Your words flow along so easily and you make it seem effortless. *Smile* Best of luck in the contest!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Waiting  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Sumojo! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write In 2021. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* I was mesmerized by this excellent piece of writing, Sue! Simply captivated! It's highly impressive.
         *Bullet* The sequencing of your story, beginning with George, the retired coal miner from 1950 Derbyshire, and onto one of the few things he had left to enjoy--the pigeons (specifically Sweetheart) glides the reader through without a bump! I loved everything about this piece!
         *Bullet* Your descriptions, imagery, phrases, all drew me in. My absolute favorite:

Removing his tobacco tin from his waistcoat pocket, he began to fill the bowl of his pipe, tamping it down with a stained thumb. He struck a match and sucked hard until the tobacco glowed red.


Sue, this is magnificent writing. I could praise you all day on this!


Suggestions to Consider
(Just a few, hardly-worth-mentioning)

         *Bullet* a bird he called, Sweetheart. *Right*a bird he called Sweetheart. Since you are not addressing the bird, I don't think you need a comma here. *Smile*
         *Bullet* this then pin-pricks *Right* You briefly switched to present tense here. *Wink*


Final Thoughts

         This is certainly top-notch writing! I hope you do something with this, because you should. I'm serious! *Smile*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
for entry "Spring Awakens
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, 💙 Carly - BLUE!!💙! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write In 2021. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* I love poetry about spring, rebirth, new beginnings! *Heartg* All the buds and green grass and yes, even dandelions, boost me up to no end! *Delight*
         *Bullet* I enjoyed the visuals in this piece and my heart in happy it is spring! Last year, we were cheated out of our spring here in Michigan. It was miserable and on top of that, the virus emerged. So far, this spring is lovely! Perhaps it's time for the virus to exit! *Wink*

Suggestions to Consider


         *Bullet* I have nothing to suggest for improvement! *Smile*

Favorites: I loved the following phrases!

dappled heads
pops of brightness
tickle a smile


Final Thoughts

         Thank you for sharing this refreshing poem and lifting my spirits! *Hug1**hug**Hug2*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, dog pack:saving4 premium renew!I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing Looks nice and neat with short paragraphs. *Smile*
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand Yes, simple and informative.
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt & rules Yes

*Crayons4* Summary: Kermit shares a few facts about frogs eating flies.

*Crayons7* Characters: Kermit

*Crayons* Dialogue: No dialogue. This piece is narrated by the frog speaking to the reader/audience so no dialogue is needed.

*Crayons5* Technicalities: There are a few...

I hope high and far. Hoping like this helps --> I hop high and far. Hopping like this helps

The word a lot is repetitive in the last part of Paragraph One and the second sentence in Paragraph Two. You might want to consider replacing the second a lot with many --> I can catch many flies [actually, you could also change this to many insects, but that's up to you. *Wink*]

There were also a few places you could've used a comma. One example: Before it gets dark[,] I’ll hunt for more flies

*Crayons2* Favorites: Some people say yuck to flies, but I love eating them. They give me energy. Flies keep me healthy.

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: You included some good facts. I thought your flow was smooth, too. You added in your note information that the Readability level was 7th-8th grade, but in my opinion, it seems lower than that. A newspaper is normally 4th grade level. I am no expert on grade level vocabulary, so I looked up some links. Check out https://readabilityformulas.com/freetests/six-read...
You may have meant 7-8 year-olds instead of 7-8th grades. *Smile*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
Image #1191551 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Finding Flies  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, winklett, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing Yes
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand Yes, and great flow!
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt & rules Yes

*Crayons4* Plot Supper time has long passed and the frogs are hungry! Where are the flies? Aha! One frog finds a way to bring them back.

*Crayons5* Technicalities: I found nothing to suggest for improvement! Great work!

*Crayons2* Favorite stanza:

First to write down six [flowers] will win an appetizer prize!"
I've bought myself some time, he thought, and closed his bulging eyes.
Acting fast, he watched them write and slyly hopped aside,
did a poo behind a log and came back, grinning wide.


*Crayons8* Final thoughts: *Facepalm* *Laugh* I never dreamed I would be doing a search on frog poop, and guess what??? *Shock2* I was quite shocked when I discovered just how big frog poop is!!! Never would I have imagined it! *Laugh* This is an awesome piece (the poem, that is!) and thank you for your entry (along with educating me *Wink*) Kids will love this!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
Image #1191551 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, Marvelous Friend, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing Very much so. I loved the larger font and little icons you included. *Smile*
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand Yes!
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt & rules Yes.

*Crayons* Dialogue: Mostly narrated, which works out just fine, as the narrator clearly is asking questions to the child(ren) and most likely would receive a response. *Smile* This type of story interacts with listeners. What a great piece to read to kids in a pre-school and/or a toddler library program.

*Crayons5* Technicalities: I have nothing to suggest technically. You might consider a catchier title, such as Eating Flies or something that might capture the attention of readers/listeners.

*Crayons2* Favorites: Do you like eating flies? I don't like to eat flies. I can truly imagine the reaction of this question on the little ones' faces! *Laugh* You definitely would catch their attention!

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: Writing for younger kids is more difficult than it looks. You seem to have a knack for it!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
Image #1191551 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Darby  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, , I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing Yes
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand Yes
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt Yes

*Crayons4* Summary: After being gifted a teddy bear by Aunt Minnie, Sofia grows up and gives a special present to her aunt on her aunt's wedding day.

*Crayons7* Characters: Sofia and Aunt Minnie, mostly

*Crayons* Dialogue: Decent amount of dialogue

*Crayons3* Setting: Home, school, wedding reception

*Crayons5* Technicalities:
*Notey* one-year- old --> one-year-old You also left a space toward the end of the story for ten-year-old. *Wink*
*Notep* Her parents, found her a handful, --> Her parents [omit comma] found her a handful,
*Noteg* Together, they would listen to the mom’s fairy tales --> Together, they would listen to [her] mom’s fairy tales; go to places like the Aquarium or Museum.
*Notev* She shared her dreams for future --> She shared her dreams for [the] future
These are all just silly little typos you overlooked. There are a few more, but I'm sure you'll pick up on them yourself. Not many, though. *Wink*

*Crayons2* Favorite:
*Starfishr* From the moment she got up till the moment she slept, Sofia went about like a top that forgot to stop spinning. Great imagery! Loved this.

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: It's amazing how children become attached to a teddy bear and how important it can become in their lives. How sweet that Sofia had thought so much of her gift from Aunt Minnie that she presented her aunt with a similar gift on Minnie's wedding day!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
Image #1191551 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Fuzzy Bear Hugs  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, Bob'n Around, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing Looks great!
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand Yes
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt Yes

*Crayons4* Internal Conflict: Tony's mother thinks he is too old to carry around his Teddy bear. That is, until she and Fuzzy Bear become pals. *Smile*

*Crayons7* Characters: Tony and his mom

*Crayons* Dialogue: Good dialogue

*Crayons3* Setting: Home, mostly

*Crayons5* Technicalities:
*Notep* “I can barely bear the thought,” Tony’s mother’s hands wrestled --> “I can barely bear the thought[.]” Tony’s mother’s hands wrestled Period should replace comma since there is no dialogue tag. *Wink*
*Notey* “What is wrong, mom?” --> “What is wrong, [M]om?”
*Noteb* start sleeping alone.” Tony’s mom said faintly --> start sleeping alone[,]” Tony’s mom said faintly
*Notev* of your own, Start searching for --> of your own, [s]tart searching for
*Notebl* Fuzzy bear --> Fuzzy [B]ear

*Crayons2* Favorites:
*Starfishb*His mom gasped at getting caught kidnapping Fuzzy and fell on Tony’s bed in a swoon. Good visual!
*Starfishv* Old friends should never be cast off or forgotten. They deserve a forever place in our hearts.
*Starfishr* And the neatest thing of all is fuzzy hugs are free.

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: What a sweet and kind heart you possess, Bob! Your story about hugs comes at a time when many of us are missing them! Perhaps everyone should own a Teddy bear. *Hug1**hug**Hug2*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
Image #1191551 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, celticsea, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing Loved the font and size!
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand Great flow and clear sequencing
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt Met the requirements

*Crayons4* Plot Elijah is willing to give up his favorite toy in order to help Stuart feel welcome at his new school and offering his friendship.

*Crayons7* Characters: First-grader: Elijah, New student: Stuart, and the teacher--Mrs. Sanders

*Crayons* Dialogue: Excellent, well-balanced

*Crayons3* Setting: School and Elijah's bedroom

*Crayons5* Technicalities: There are only a few...
*Note* “Miss Sanders why won’t Stuart talk --> “Miss Sanders, why won’t Stuart talk [forgot comma]
*Notey* “Which race car won’t I miss? --> “Which race car won’t I miss?" [forgot end-quotation mark]
*Noteb* “It’s yours for keeps my newest friend. --> “It’s yours for keeps, my newest friend. [forgot comma]

*Crayons2* Favorites: So many! Here are just a few...
*Starfishr* but never said a single word. Just focused on his shoe. Love this visual
*StarfishV* By morning, though, he wasn’t sure if sharing him was right. Heart-tug!
*Starfishb* I’ll want to get Houdini back - in case I move again.” Awww...

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: Such a feel-good piece! Any child would love this story set in rhyme! I liked that Elijah was willing to give Stuart his treasured bear, and in the end...it all worked out. *Hug1**hug**Hug2*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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16
16
Review of The Coffin  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)

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Greetings, K.HBey, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing Nice sized font, paragraphs, all italicized letters.
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand Everything flowed and seemed in sequence.
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt Use of the teddy bear from the picture prompt.

*Crayons4* Internal Conflict It's Simone's birthday and she misses her mother who is dead.

*Crayons7* Characters: Simone and her father, plus the people at her party.

*Crayons* Dialogue: Yes, a nice balance of dialogue.

*Crayons3* Setting: Simone's house in the attic and also the back yard where her party is taking place.

*Crayons5* Technicalities:
*Note* Simone arrived home at six o'clock and in a hurry she went to the attic. You might want to consider rewording this. Here is one example: Simone arrived home at six o'clock and hurriedly went to the attic.
*Note* her mother white dress --> her mother's white dress
*Note* Are you crying?" She added. --> Are you crying?" she added.
*Note* She got diabetes.However --> She had diabetes. However
*Note* "Happy birthday Simone!" --> "Happy birthday, Simone!" Always use a comma when addressing someone, for pause. There are a few other areas, too, where a comma is needed for this reason.
*Note* "Come on quickly please I have a --> "Come quickly, please. I have a

*Crayons2* Favorites:
*Notep* a dummy skeleton is hanging in the abyss of an ancient spared wardrobe Great visual!
*Notey* Tonight she noticed a shooting star and understood that was a sign from her mother. Good ending.

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: To me, the story seems a little sad for children. Perhaps if it was a chapter in a book, it would be fine, but a stand-alone story, it's sad. However, what child wouldn't want their very own roller coaster for a birthday gift! *Bigsmile* I was confused about the coffin in the attic, though, with Simone's mother's white dress in it (the one her mother had died in.) On the other hand, I lost my own mother when I was eight, like your main character, so I could connect with the girl's sadness. I'm not sure, however, why the coffin was in the attic. I may not be familiar, though, with some religious practices, and that's why it was confusing for me. *Wink* I felt the shooting star at the end was a nice way to end this. *Smile*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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17
17
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, iKïyå§ama! I am reviewing this as I am taking part of the March Challenge for "Angel Review Forum. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* I've always loved reading writing tips! At one time, I had more writing books than I could ever hope to read. *Laugh* I finally gave part of them away to a writing group leader who not only led a writing group in our town, but also visited a prison weekly where she led a writing group.

         *Bullet* I love picture prompts so when I discovered this article on getting short story ideas from a picture, I quickly connected! I felt you did a wonderful job on giving examples (and inspiration!) on that dirty, grimy baseball. My dad used to be a pitcher (and had a chance to try out for the Tigers back in the 50s but he'd joined the Air Force at that time) and that ball you posted made me think back when I was maybe five years old, sitting on the hood of a car watching my daddy pitch. The batter hit that ball high and I watched it in that clear blue sky coming down, down, down...on top of my head! *Shock2* Long story short, the doctor said I had the hardest head he ever did see. *Laugh*

         *Bullet* I also love how you suggest to study that ball (or any picture for a prompt) and write down every word or phrase you can conjure up. It's like brainstorming and I love that!

         *Bullet* If you aren't already, I think you would make an excellent writing group leader! You've created an excellent, structured piece that would inspire anyone! Writing a book on writing might be something to think about, or articles for writing magazines, if you haven't accomplished this already. *Wink*


Suggestions to Consider

         *Bullet* In your 5th Paragraph: one ends up with a short story that will have readers buying a supposed ordinary 'baseball' can become quite extraordinary. one ends up with a short story that will have readers buying a supposed ordinary 'baseball' [that?] can become quite extraordinary. I think you just forgot a word after 'baseball'. *Smile*

Final Thoughts

         Very inspiring!!! I love to be inspired and this writing article did the trick for me. Thank you for writing it!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, Sumojo! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write In 2021. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* Wow, I loved the the ladder of vacation choices as we grow older! I like how you showcase each age group by stanzas divided by icons, each signifying something to do with vacations (beach, car, plane, and boat.)

         *Bullet* I felt you did a good job of covering each group, too! I never thought about how our vacation preferences chance, actually, but you are right on!

         *Bullet* The appearance of this piece is appealing. Centering it and including double-spacing within each stanza, makes it pleasant to look at and easy to read. That also includes the larger text. *Wink* Thank you for that!!!

         *Bullet* I've yet to go on a cruise, but maybe someday. I love the idea of all the good food and drink I can enjoy! I'm a little nervous about a cruise though. *Whistle* I will fly in a plane, but I'm not crazy about it. I like traveling in a vehicle, the best. *Bigsmile*

         *Bullet* Loved how you ended this. At first I thought the wheelies referred to a wheelchair with a case attached. *Facepalm* Then I realized you were talking about the wheels on the suitcases. *Wink* My bad. I'm thinking too far ahead. *Laugh* Your words were clear, my mind is still refueling on coffee. *CoffeeGr*

Suggestions to Consider


          I like it exactly as it is! No suggestions.

Final Thoughts

         This was a creative piece! I'm very impressed. *Smile* Best of luck in the contest!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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19
19
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, bas! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write In 2021. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

What I Liked

         *Bullet* I don't really know how something like a digitalized greeting card would go over, but since we both had the very same idea (I wrote something similar for the contest), perhaps others do, too. Perhaps we should put a patent on it! *Whistle*

         *Bullet* I loved the ending. *Laugh* Yep, always check with the approval of the wife first. *Wink*

Suggestions to Consider


         *Bullet* You might want to scan through this piece and perhaps polish it off here and there. I noticed a few punctuation typos, such as:

in our times , that was true love” *Right* in our times[,] that was true love[.]” I've made the recommendations in [ ].

“Well Love is in the air now too, but I guess in a different way. *Right* “Well[,] [l]ove is in the air now too, but I guess in a different way.["]

then take the trouble of going to the shop and buying a card” *Right* th[a]n take the trouble of going to the shop and buying a card[.]”
“Well, I can’t contradict that,so I say we change our approach too

“Well, I can’t contradict that,so I say we change our approach too*Right* “Well, I can’t contradict that,[space]so I say we change our approach[,] too[."]

I won't keep picking out punctuation typos, but I'm sure you get the drift. *Smile* Chances are, you haven't edited this yet. *Wink* I've noticed especially at the end of most of your dialogue, you have left out punctuation.

         *Bullet* “And how do you plant to do that” *Right* “And how do you [plan] to do that[?]”

         *Bullet* “Do you have any idea who expensive the card is going to be” *Right* “Do you have any idea [how] expensive the card is going to be[?]”

And also, lets should be a contraction --> let's

Final Thoughts

         Wow, great minds think alike! While your story is a little different than mine, there's so much that is similar! Maybe there's something to that idea! *Idea* Also, if you go back and polish this piece off, let me know and I'll be happy to raise the rating! *Smile*

Best of luck in the contest!

Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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20
20
for entry "Togetherness
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, Bob'n Around, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt & rules

*Crayons7* Characters: Jenny Play and her mom

*Crayons3* Summary: Jenny Play loves her last name because that's what she prefers to do...play instead of doing her chores. Her mother agrees to a deal—if she buys Jenny skates, her daughter will do her chores.

*Crayons5* Technicalities:
In Stanza 2: came to soon. --> came too soon. - You just forgot the extra o in to. *Wink*

*Crayons2* Favorites:
Jenny Play loved her last name
She loved to do what it said.
When her mom asked for help
Jenny wanted to play instead
of cleaning her room or making her bed.

(Loved this opening! How creative!)

“You’re skating on thin ice,” her mother said.
(I've heard these words from my own parents! Long ago, of course.) *Whistle*

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: I always enjoy reading your creations, Bob. You are very talented. Thank you for entering the contest! *Smile*

Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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21
21
Review of L'aura del Campo  
for entry "On the rink [322]
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, , I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt & rules

*Crayons4* Summary: A peek in at the ice skating rink at night with various visuals of skaters in their winter ware and ice skates.

*Crayons7* Characters: Children and adults

*Crayons3* Setting: Outdoors ice skating rink in the evening

*Crayons5* Technicalities: I really couldn't find anything to comment on or suggest. I might've italicized Wow. at the end, but that's only a personal preference on my part.

*Crayons2* Favorites: There is so much to like about this piece! Your imagery is very well done. It's almost like a painting with so much going on! Or a jigsaw puzzle (which I'm hooked on doing right now)! I will mention a few favorites, though I enjoyed it all:

         Time to put on gloves and furry hats
and wrap scarves 'round our necks.


         Our boots are black and white and pink,
and at the skating rink
ice is smooth and slick.


         Little kids
in woollen sweaters twirl
as older couples swirl


         Auntie Anna in her yoga pants
scrawls a figure eight,
then jumps and seems to levitate!



*Crayons8* Final thoughts: I'm becoming quite a fan of your writing! This is a fabulous piece filled with visuals of so much going on in the early night at a skating rink. It makes me want to be part of it! When I was young, I used to walk to the ice skating rink with my skates and go round and round and round with all the other people. There was an old wooden shack called The Hot House that had a heater in the center of the room for people to warm up with, along with benches lined against the walls where one could put on or take off their skates.

I am impressed!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
Image #1191551 over display limit. -?-


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22
22
Review of The departure  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


Greetings, K.HBey! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write In 2021. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


What I Liked

         *Bullet* A pink shirt molded her torso ~ Great description!
         *Bullet* She inhaled the fresh air and exhaled air that was trapped in her lungs many years ago. I really liked this.
         *Bullet* You do well with visuals! I can vividly picture this young woman in the scanerio you have provided. *Smile*

Suggestions to Consider


         *Bullet* Almost asleep *Right* barely awake You might want to consider this change as she has just woken up, not going to sleep. *Smile*
         *Bullet* her wardrobe *Right* in her wardrobe You just forgot a word. *Wink*
         *Bullet* With hazardous gesture she wore her denim trousers *Right* Not sure what you mean by hazardous gesture.
         *Bullet* in her old black bag already bought when she was a student. *Right* in her old black bag she'd bought when she was a student.
         *Bullet* that was trapped in her lungs many years ago. *Right* that had been trapped in her lungs many years ago.
         *Bullet* and left with an immense relief the locality forever. *Right* and left the locality forever with an immense relief.


Final Thoughts

         I know that English isn't your first language and I hope you see my suggestions purely as being helpful. *Smile* I've enjoyed your stories and poems in the past and feel you write well for this reason. Keep up the good work and stay safe!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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23
23
Review of "My pleasure."  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Greetings, PrudhviRaj12, I am reviewing this today per your request. *Smile*


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand

*Crayons4* Plot / Internal Conflict / Goal: Leia Woenita heads for the lake where she scatters her mother's ashes (and eyeball.) It had been said that the wisdom and vile of Gwanita’s great grandmother's soul was in the lake and she would help in times of need. Gwanita was Leia's mother's only friend. Leia is nervous as she hears noises while respecting her mother's wishes. And the lake whispers...

*Crayons7* Characters: Leia and the whispering lake

*Crayons* Dialogue: Yes, a good balance. *Smile*

*Crayons3* Setting: The whispering lake with nearby trees

*Crayons5* Technicalities:

*Asteriskb* Paragraph 2: "I...honestly...don't know what to call you...", Leia leaned over the trunk of the tree. You might consider omitting the comma after the quotation mark, as there is no dialogue tag afterwards. The comma otherwise would be inserted inside the quotation if you decided to add a dialogue tag. So you could either write "I...honestly...don't know what to call you...." Leia leaned over the trunk of the tree. or "I...honestly...don't know what to call you...," Leia said as she leaned over the trunk of the tree. *Smile* I noticed you also use the comma after the quotation in a few other places, too. *Wink*

*Asteriskb* Paragraph 3: It was pitch dark - twenty-three year old Leia had always been a brave woman. Instead of the dash, you might consider replacing it with either a semi-colon or an em dash {emdash}. Example: It was pitch dark; twenty-three year old Leia had always been a brave woman. or It was pitch dark—twenty-three year old Leia had always been a brave woman. There are a few other areas in your story that you might consider using this em dash. Also in this paragraph: it filled her two eyes with you might think about omitting two or saying both her eyes as you repeat the word two in the next sentence. *Wink* Just a suggestion, however. *Wink*

*Asteriskb* Paragraph 6: she took a deep breath should begin with a capital s as it is a separate sentence from the dialogue. Same thing goes for she broke into tears. Just remember that if there is a dialogue tag, to use a comma, but if there is no dialogue tag, the words following become its own independent sentence. You'll want to go through and catch any other areas that might need this same correction. *Smile*

*Crayons2* Favorites: I really liked the visual in Paragraph 16: As a child, she would imagine that the lake would form a mouth shape while talking. I could imagine this quite well and it's hard to forget. *Smile* You had other good visuals, too, such as the dumping of her mother's ashes (including the eyeball) and the tree with the openings, and so on, but this one really stuck with me.

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: This is a good story, one that leaves the reader with chills. I'd like to recommend eliminating some of your dashes and ellipses, as there are several. You could replace some of them with semi-colons or a conjunction (and, or but, etc.), if in fact you agree. It's only a recommendation on my part. Your ending intrigued me with the names scratched on the tree.

Best of luck in the contest!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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24
24
Review of The life lesson  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, K.HBey, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt & rules

*Crayons4* Plot / Internal Conflict / Goal: Kate has forgotten her pen for the exam and asks Caroline if she may borrow one of her two pens. Caroline refuses and now it's time for the test to begin...

*Crayons7* Characters: Kate, Caroline, Susan, Lili the teacher, cow-Santa

*Crayons* Dialogue: Yes, good dialogue.

*Crayons3* Setting: This story takes place in a classroom where exams are about to start. It later takes place at the school feast where the awards have been handed out.

*Crayons5* Technicalities: There are some punctuation issues here and there that you might consider changing. *Smile* For instance, in the second paragraph: "Why aren't you responding to the questions. "You are a studious student". The second quotation should be omitted and replaced with a question mark. Also, the ending period should be placed within the quotation. "Why aren't you responding to the questions? You are a studious student." In your second-to-last paragraph: "People cannot live without helpfulness", She adds. Again, the comma should be placed inside the quotation mark. The S in she does not need to be capitalized. "People cannot live without helpfulness," she adds. It is the same for the line after that one, too.

*Crayons2* Favorites: I believe I liked your dialogue best of all. *Smile* It felt like a real conversation and situation classmates might have. Good job with that!

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: I was a little confused about Santa being masked as a cow towards the end of your story. I know the prompt was a cow with a Santa hat, but perhaps you could add more of an explanation about it. And why does Santa insist that Kate be in the picture with Caroline? *Smile* Other than that and a few typos, it was an entertaining story. I'm so glad Kate's teacher let her borrow a pen. Caroline had a mean-moment but in the end, felt bad about it.

Thank you for entering this contest!

Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
Image #1191551 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Write 4 Kids clip art image
Greetings, ♥HOOves♥, I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest.


*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt & rules

*Crayons4* Plot / Internal Conflict / Goal: Snowflake Bull delivers the best gift anyone could ever have.

*Crayons7* Characters: Snowflake Bull

*Crayons* Dialogue: No, though he does moo Christmas carols. *Wink*

*Crayons3* Setting: Snowflake spreading the most cherished gift of all... love.

*Crayons5* Technicalities: None

*Crayons2* Favorites: First of all, I adore his name, Snowflake. *Snow1* And my second favorite part is the visual of him singing mooing Christmas carols to make the children grin and glow! *Heart* I think that warmed my heart the most. I also got a kick out of hooves of joy. *Bigsmile*

*Crayons8* Final thoughts: Of course the best gift of all is love. Great ending!

*Heart* Thank you for entering!!!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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