|Right, so first of all I would like to say that tecnically you write very well. I'm not the best at gramma myself but I didn't notice anything jarring with your work, so I wouldn't worry about that.
Now this is personal preference but you asked whether I would want to read more, and unfortunatly the answer is no. This isn't anything against your ability as a writer. There are a couple of reasons for this, which I will explain to the best of my ability, but mostly this just didn't catch me. It's writen and edited well, but I just don't feel engaged enough by the main character to feel like I want to know what's happening - you don't catch my attention soon enough.
Part of this is almost certainly linked to the fact that I'm not really sure what's happening. Most of the time when you read a story you have an idea of what's going to happen in it, either from a blurb or on writing.com the short summary. That helps to lure people, but it's also a good way to get a bit of a hook in your readers by aluding to what may be going to happen. You have no synopsis, no blub and as a result I'm not sure what I'm reading and what I'm supposed to be rooting for. If you don't do that you really need to set the tone in the first chapter/section by carefully setting a balance between answering enough questions to set the scene and character profile, give hints as to the storyline, and leave enough questions left unanswered to make people want to read more.
Obviously some questions can be left open to be answered later in the story (such as those surrounding Jade), but my main questions that I think you ought to address in the opening sections are: who is Tom, what is he doing in that hotel, you say he's gone as a tourist, but it's fairly unusual for a twenty-two year old guy to just take himself to a hotel by himself, so what is going on in his head space right now? Is he recently out of a relationship/job? You need to make me care about him, and give an indication of what you want me (as a reader) to want for him. I think you want me to want Jade, but really I'm not sure how I feel about her because their random meeting is fairly bizzare and gives me no real reason to think Tom and Jade should be together other than Tom's stunted and socially awkward declaration. I'm not actually sure how I feel about Tom for that matter, especially after he was frankly pretty rude to Becky and seems to be obsessing over someone that as far as I can tell he likes because she had pale skin and dark hair. (He's also pretty shallow with Becky). You need to answer the question above in a way that makes me want to read your story as apposed to all the romance stories that I can choose from - what makes Tom and his situation unique and story worthy rather than just an insight into the life of a regular guy.
In and of itself your writing is good, it's well structured and the flow seems fine. Your writing style seems very old fashioned though, because you've chosen to write in first person it reflects on Tom's character and ends up making the piece pretty hard to date. This could honnestly be set a hundred years ago if the women weren't so forwards, and Tom could be fifty for the way you've writen him - drinking g&t doesn't help.This again links to my confusion, because obviously as a reader I want different things from a twenty-two year old MC than I do from a fifty year old one. I'm saying all this, I don't really know how old he is, I had to guess from a comment you made.
So linked to these points, I would recomend that you consider the formality of the language you're writing in, because it is an important aspect that helps set the character up, espcially in first person, which in turn helps catch readers - no one really wants to read a story about a person they dislike (and to be honnest I kind of dislike Tom, because you've given no justification for his calous attitude and judment of people based on appearance - which links back to the questions part: why is he here, what's going on in his headspace). In first person the way you write should be the way Tom thinks, for example: " though the effect was, on the whole, pleasing. I felt like sharing this observation with her," no twenty-two year old thinks like this. You have some beautiful decriptions and the formal style is nice, but they would sit better if this was third person because then it matters less - when you chose what perspective to write in you have to make some decisions on how you're going to write, and unfortunatly there are usually compromises.
I imagine that this is probably a bit more negative than you would have liked. Like I said, your writing per-say is good, its just your style, story-line and structuring of the opening sections just haven't quite gelled to pull me in and make me want to read more. My oppinion is of course my own, and I hope that you take this as it is meant to be, feedback designed to help you improve your work. If you have any questions, please feel free to message me back.
All the best