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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hedunkle
Review Requests: ON
36 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
When I read through something, I tend to focus on grammatical errors, character development (if applicable), pacing, and how satisfied I am with the ending. If you want me to focus on a certain aspect, let me know in your request.
I'm good at...
Grammatical comments.
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories.
I will not review...
18+ works or higher.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh boy, here we go! Now the tension is building at a steady pace, as the Grin Reaper makes his way towards our merry crew! I like the contrast you have between the Grin Reaper and Pyramax, and the whole aura the Grin Reaper carries is just awesome (Was he inspired by the Joker? The laughing gas he uses reminds me of the Joker.). I only have one critique. In the sentence, " Davide, meanwhile, tried to play cool as a cucumber", the simile "cool as a cucumber" is not really needed, and is a little bit jarring and cliche. Instead, you can just say, "tried to play it cool". One of the most interesting aspects of your story is the character interactions; you have some good foil characters, and they work really well to help escalate tension, too. I believe that a story is only as good as its antagonists, and your Rogues Gallery is looking mighty fine! Keep up the good work!


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2
2
Review of Endearment  
Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: E | (5.0)
Aw, that was so sweet! Although it was short, it was very powerful. The imagery was also really vivid, and the rhythm was smooth and elegant. The only problem with this poem is that it's so short! 😁 Seriously, you've set yourself up with a good rhythm and a beautiful pattern for imagery that you could continue this poem a couple more stanzas. But whether or not you add more stanzas is up to you. Either way, I enjoyed this very much, thank you!


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3
3
Review by H. E. Dunkle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dang, that was cool! Such an ingenious idea. Your prose is good, and imagery is nice. I like the way you mentioned the colors of the winter gear the protagonist had on; it really popped off the page for me. The only critical comment I can think of is a few grammatical errors. In the sentence, "I was being kidnapped be the feral snowplow!" the word "be" should be the word "by". And in the sentence, "Their engines were running quietly and the water vapor was rising up slightly melting the snowflakes as the fell downwards." the word "the", the one that comes before "fell", should be "they". That's it. Really good! Thoroughly enjoyed it! Thank you, and keep up the good work!

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4
4
Review by H. E. Dunkle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Dang, this was good! You delivered a good amount of emotional punch delivered in a neat, concise package. And the way you used "extrinsic" was just fine! And in terms of trying to get this down to 500 words, I'm not really sure what you might be able to remove without affecting the story in some way. But you're the author, so you do as you please. Thank you, and keep up the good work!

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5
5
Review of Bear Prey  
Review by H. E. Dunkle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Okay. So the story is really good. You had a good handle on how to effectively use imagery and descriptions. In terms of critical feedback, I have one comment: When Eric is talking, it would help to use quotation marks or italics to signal he's thinking. The reason I suggest this is because, when people are speedreading a story, the number one thing they look for is quotation marks, because those symbolize dialogue, and dialogue symbolizes action and character dynamics. If you add quotation marks, italics, or some other way to set his thoughts apart from the rest of the writing, you're golden. Other than that, this is a really good story! The tension is high, and you manipulated it masterfully. Good job! Thank you!

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6
6
Review of The Snow Dragon  
Review by H. E. Dunkle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow. That was really good. You have a good handle on descriptions and imagery. You also used an excellent method of vamping up tension and suspense. The way you had the hunter find certain clues at certain points was a very good method for controlling the pace of your story. This was very well done, thank you!

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7
7
Review by H. E. Dunkle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This was really nice! I like that you gave the narrator an interesting dialect and accent, and that you carried it over to his thoughts. I've come across some stories where the author gives a character an accent for when they talk, but forget to apply the accent to how they think. You don't have this problem. Good on you! And the story was very clever and enjoyable! Good job, and thank you!

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8
8
Review of White Picket  
Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow. This was exceptional. Even though this story was focused on one scene (the girl standing outside her house), you managed to portray much more outside of that scene (the murder scene and the scenes that motivated it). Your use of imagery is skillful and paints a vivid picture. Wonderful job!

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9
9
Review of Frosty's Revenge?  
Review by H. E. Dunkle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Holy cow! First off, way to hit me with some nostalgia. I was pleasantly surprised to find this story, and even more surprised that it was about that old Frosty the Snowman cartoon. Secondly, if anyone says that quantity is better than quality, I'm gonna direct them to this masterpiece. Although it's short, it's very effective and descriptive. Thoroughly enjoyed, thanks for writing this!

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10
10
Review by H. E. Dunkle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This was really nice! I like the theme of highlighting all of the words that start with "b". It provides a nice pop of color, which is a nice tie-in to the theme of the poem, and also draws the reader's eye to the words that provide imagery. Good job!

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#1300305 by Maryann


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11
11
Review by H. E. Dunkle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again! This story keeps getting better! You have a good eye for pacing, and I can feel the suspense building. Good job! I have one suggestion, though. I feel like the information you included about Warren's home life in the first paragraph could be mentioned later on in the story. It could be used as a good sort of "hook" that gives people an incentive to keep reading. You could simply mention how Warren is uneasy about Jay's breakdown in that paragraph, and readers will think, "Why is he uneasy? Maybe if we keep reading, the author will let us find out!" Again, that is just my suggestion. Do with it as you please. Again, good job!

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by Maryann


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12
12
Review of Game Models  
Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, that was really cool. It was very detailed, which makes sense with the theme of the college assignment that needs to be explained. The style of writing is concise, which is good for a summary of the whole project. This was fun to read, thank you!


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13
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Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: E | (5.0)
I can see you have an extensive vocabulary; I don't see the word "spelunking" nearly as much as I'd like. Also, you have a good sense of pacing. I could see the scene where the two groups meet up in the woods as if it came from a movie. And when Rosa spilled the beans, I actually face-palmed. That's good! A physical reaction to characters is a good sign that the audience is connecting to said character. Also also, this roast right here: “Your granddad was a smart guy, but even he had other people to help him: people who were careful; people who took good notes; people who were organized—" “And you are none of those things,” was BEAUTIFUL.


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14
14
Review of Ode to Surgery  
Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was really nice to read. It was short and sweet, which adds weight to the fact that the speaker is in pain even while simply sitting and writing. The "A-B-A-B-C-C" pattern you used also describe another part of the story; the speaker's pain was getting worse after the first verse, but they wanted to keep writing, so they compromised and wrote a two-line verse. Really cool, loved it!


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15
15
Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: E | (5.0)
Holy smoke, that escalated quickly.
But it was really good! Just what I picture when I think about an invasion. The bit with the news reporter comforting his shaken-up comrade was a touching bit. Also, I've known him for only ten minutes, but Lord Cosmic and his crew are already my favorite characters. I was laughing throughout the whole exchange between the commanders (I don't know if "murdelize" is a real word, but I don't care, it was hilarious!). Really enjoyed it! 10/10!
16
16
Review of Auld Lang Syne  
Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was fun to read. I noticed right away that the first letters in each line spelled out "Auld Lang Syne", and I was very happy with that (I like patterns like that). Then I noticed that the last letter of each line also spelled "Auld Lang Syne", and I lost my mind! The amount of planning for that must have been insane, and the poem flows so perfectly! Awesome!
17
17
Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! Let me start off by saying that you have an interesting hook. With that simple sentence, you can tell how exasperated Jay is at all the dead ends she's hit just by the wording. I also enjoy that you kept the exposition to a minimum, which made the story flow very well. OVerall a fun read, and I will read the next chapters to see what's next!
18
18
Review of What's in a Name?  
Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! That was a really fun read! Short and concise, just the way I like it, with just enough detail in it to allow me to see the whole story unfold. Very nice! I approve!
19
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Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: E | (4.5)
Holy smoke! That was very interesting and not at all expected! Your storytelling method is precise and direct, which kept me invested in the story and made it a lot of fun to read. That twist at the end was very well done; it was so unexpected, it gave me slight emotional whiplash! That's good for twists! You want to make your readers go "wait, what?!", which is exactly what you did. Well done!
20
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Review of My Tears, My Love  
Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow. This was really nice to read. The "A-B-C-B" pattern you have within the poem is very simple, yet surprisingly, very soothing. It made me stop and reread the poem, just to imagine it being read aloud. The overall message of the poem is heartwarming, yet bittersweet: tears provide relief, and it's okay to cry.
21
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Review of FNAF new story  
Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a fun experience! I didn't know that this website could do choose-your-own-adventure stories! I like that approach to the franchise; Five Nights at Freddy's doesn't get this type of written storytelling very often, as more people usually make comics or animations about it. But this was good! So far, I really enjoyed it! Maybe I'll come back every once in a while to see how much farther I can get. Thanks for the great read!
22
22
Review of Ode of I  
Review by H. E. Dunkle
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow. This is really good. You have a basic "A, B, A, B" pattern going on, but it works really well with this poem. I also like the way that "weary am I now" was used in the first and last verses, showing how the pain and exhaustion can go full circle sometimes. Very nice! I enjoyed this a lot!
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