I see the focal point of thsi story to be the interracial relationship. Then they also happen to be lesbains. No doubt an explosive combination for a relationship in the late 1950's. After that the story fails to enlighten me to any of the struggles they went through as they went about their education.
There is too much detail in the story that does nothing to explain their story or their feelings. I got lost and bored in the details of their achievements and living conditions which have nothing to do with the message trying to be sent here. That message being that they have a relationship that is outside society's acceptance of normal. Since there are no scenes that involve conflict there is no way to know that their relastionshipwass tested or unaccepted within their community.
There is really no interaction between the characters which leads me to believe that this message would have been better presented as an sa under the nonfiction category.
Finally, when writing , the author should remain true to the time period that is taking place in the story. Dolly Parton didnt publish her song "I Will Always Love You." until 1974 and Anne Murrays song as well was a 1970/s anthem. Doing this will eliminate unnecesary confusion on the readers part.
I am amazed and encouraged to have discovered your piece. I have never heard anyone else describe living behind a wall as I have for the past fifty years I describe my wall as being made of glass. It allows me to see all that is going on but I dont have to get involved. i have been in therapy and under medication for the past twenty five years and I still retreat to "the wall". It never comes down. It just shifts. I have gone through extensive behavoir therapy and learned many tools that helps me function in the real world and I am better off than I was to the point where people dont believe me when I tell them i am a Bipolar I. This is as close to normal as I seem to get. I am not as suicidal as i once was but it still rears its ugly head from time to time. One of the things that has made my journey a little bit easier is that I have great access to doctors, therapist and medicine. so many people cant afford to be mentally ill and I feel that is just wrong.
I got my health insurance through my job and was amazed when the day came and I was able to retire because my job history was turbulent to say the least. I hope that many more people read your piece and find an understanding that even though we seem to have to work harder to achieve a peaceful life we can do it by our own strength and allowing others into our isolation.
Some of the visuals that are created here such as the coffee and the smell of the body wash are good but overall there is very little depth in the story. The two women obviously so much in love that they would go through the ring and marriage ceremony seem more concerened about their toothbrushes and coffee mugs than they do about the discension that is tearing them apart. I would much rather have heard them expounding on the argument that was the straw that broke the camels back and caused them to draw up these "papers" than where Maidy lost her toothbrush. It is clear that when Myko left the apartment, with her detailed luggage that there was a delicate balance left behind but what was it? Who was the one being unreasonable and why were they? what effort was put into avoiding the enevitable imbalance. Myko left behind an ultimatum so I waould say the balance was laidi to rest because I did not get the feeling that Maidy would be there when Myko returned. I understand what you are trying to achieve here but detail does not match the emotions you are striving for.
I understand the feelings of rejection by ones first love. It happened to me many years ago and I still to this day love her. We have had brief encounters over the years but little else. I did however have a chance to reflect on why she broke us up especially after we had been together for seven years. Too my surprise I did a lot to contribute to the break up and so did she.
It is clear that you are in pain but this is a rather weak and shallow expression of that. Grab hold of your self esteem and revisit the break up. what was going on in her life, what was going on in your life. this can make you a stronger person rather than the victim that you present yourself to be here. It takes two, remember?
This would be an ideal story to be read to the talking heads that have so recently questioned what could possibley cause an older woman to turn into a "lesbian" so late in life. I always find myself frustrated when I hear this because it always seems to be heterosexuals discussing this as if it were a diagnosis and it is necessary for them to find a treatment of cure for the pandemic. Ann has clearly detailed for all of us the real truth of late in life coming out. She has demonstrated how the evolution of the GLBT civil rights movement has made the late in life coming out a much smoother transition than it was in a much distanct past.
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