This realm ;-;
It's so cool.
I can see the storyline, and the settings/characters are delivered and described fluently.
I'd use this as a base, and lengthen everything more--edit, expand, use more adjectives and less dialogue.
I've only just started lengthening my stories to make them seem more professional, but I can say that it's essential for strengthening bonds between reader and character.
Just so you know, I'm 12 (bending WTC rules a bit).
Don't take everything I say too seriously, because I don't have much experience. Everyone says I'm good at writing, though, and I can be philosophical at times. VEEEERY rarely, though.
GL with the challenge, and kudos. I'll be nominating now.
I highly recommend rewriting this once the contest closes. Who knows? You could be writing the next international bestselling novel right in your living room.