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Review Requests: ON
332 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
When reviewing other's work I tend to be straight forward and honest. I do not do sarcasm as it can be taken as being rude. I do not like horror stories.
I'm good at...
I am good at finding spelling errors. I have tendency to read the words specifically, then my imagination kicks in and I can picture the scene.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Adventure, Erotic, Fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
Educational, Horror, Gay/Lesbian, Occult
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Chapters, Novella, Poetry
Least Favorite Item Types
Novels
I will not review...
Horror/Scary, Occult, Crime/Gangster, Ghost, Gothic
Public Reviews
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1
1
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cristen here reviewing for HSP See it Sultry Assignment 1.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and offer the opinion of another author.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          You know me, I always enjoy reading what you have to write. Your characters are well described as is the scene.

Tone, Mood, Point of view~
*NoteP*          Jessie seems excited about going to the party. Is she looking forward to meeting anyone there? (I guess that'll come in a later assignment). I like that you have her Aunt wanting to help her but giving her the space she needs too.

Characterization and Dialogue~
*NoteP*          Jessie's scene is believable. You've left the story open a bit because I wonder why Jessie doesn't seem to think she fits in in Endurance. What change in her life has she made to make her unsure of herself.

Showing vs. Telling~
*NoteP*          You've written well the descriptions needed for the assignment.

Technical Aspects~
*NoteP*          While, I can't see any grammatical errors or spelling errors. There is one place I would like to offer some advice.
She slid the dress off the hanger, holding it by the thin spaghetti straps and stepped into it, pulling up slowly over legs. I figured out what it is, there are two sentences that begin with SHE. I recommend breaking up the second sentence by changing the verbs used.
Sliding the dress off the hanger, holding by the thin spaghetti straps she carefully stepped into it pulling it slowly over her legs.


Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You've done well in writing this assignment. I can't wait to see who she meets at this party and what others might think of her.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Hello, Cadie here reviewing for HSP Excite Lesson 1

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help, it's just my opinion of what you've offered.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          I enjoyed your first meeting. I can almost taste the dust in the air of your scene.

Tone, Mood, Point of view~
*NoteP*          Kate at first seems a bit snooty, but then again maybe that's the business side of her. I realize she's being professional, is this her first visit to a client in the country? If it is I understand wearing the heels, if she's been to another client who lives on a farm tennis shoes should be logical. Maybe it's New York still in her. *Smile*
You stayed within Kate's point of view throughout the whole story. Good job there.


Characterization and Dialogue~
*NoteP*          What was Kate wearing? You state she's got a shirt and skirt and heeled shoes. What color was she wearing? Did she have problems getting through the dogs? Did she stumble wearing heels on the uneven ground of the farm?

Technical Aspects~
*NoteP*          I think I would change one word in the story. It might be spelled correctly where you are from, I'm not sure though. The tinny blast from an old radio playing something with a twang made it clear why there was no answer to my greeting. Tinny only has one 'n' Tiny (Small)

Conclusions~
*NoteP*          The beginning of this class shows a lot of promise for you. I am looking forward to reading what you've got in the coming weeks. Good job with your first meeting.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Taking the Leap  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here reviewing Lesson 5 for Building Emotion and Sensuality.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          I enjoyed reading your story. The characters have come a long way since that first story.

Showing vs. Telling~
*NoteP*          You've done well in showing what Arlynn is feeling and the descriptions of the physical emotions are getting better. I like that you've brought back their first meeting with a bit more passion than they probably had then. *Wink*

Technical Aspects~
*NoteP*          What is Arlynn focusing on? She seems to be talking herself out of her relationship with Ryan and I can't understand what's going through her head. she seems to be fighting the memories of her time with Ryan. I think this first point of view with Arlynn needs a bit more detail explaining what is going on. In the beginning, Arlynn was an actress, I thought, now she's a children's book author.
Was that really only a little over a month and a half ago? I understand that with these assignments the time frame with the relationship may change. These assignments don't always stay in line with chronologically, a warning would have been prudent. I thought these two had already been together for a year as of Lesson 4. Is this chronologically earlier in the relationship because of the doubts?


Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You've done well writing this piece. I like the interaction between the characters and that Ryan finds her on the road. I can't wait to see how this ends. *Think*

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Homecoming  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here reivewing Lesson 4 in Building Emotion and Sensuality.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          You did well with this lesson. I like the fact that even though Ryan and Arlynn wanted to spend time with each other they didn't because of their friends. I like the *Smile* and the *Wink* in the story. It made it flirtatious and fun.

Plot, Conflict and Structure~
*NoteP*          Ryan and Arlynn went out with a few friends because Arlynn just returned from being away for a week. The friends separated Ryan and Arlynn which helped with the tension between the characters.

Showing vs. Telling~
*NoteP*          You showed the desire and tension between the characters well.

Conclusions~
*NoteP*          This piece was a good continuation of the story. You stayed in one point of view and within word count. I enjoyed reading the flirtation and seeing between the characters. Looking forward to what happens next.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here reivewing Lesson 3 for Building Emotion.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          Your story takes an interesting twist. Good job

Plot, Conflict and Structure~
*NoteP*          Arlynn has been offered a job in the big city and tells her friend. Her friend wants to know what she's thinking. Ryan overhears the conversation and thinks she's going for the job. Doesn't want to be what holds Arlynn back. He's hurt because he thinks this is the end.

Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You did well writing this one. I would have like to see the fight instead of what brings them into the coming conflict. You've got a conflict coming between these two. I can't wait to see what happens.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here reviewing for Building Emotion and Sensuality Lesson 3.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. I'm not a professional editor. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          Milly and Marcus have moved forward in their relationship. The story is easy to read and flows with the request of the assignment.

Point of view~
*NoteP*          You stayed within the point of view of Marcus. I think there could have been more emotion displayed between the characters. Does Marcus' heartbreak as they silently decide to split up for a time? Does he cry without her? Does he see her everywhere he goes and desires to find out what's going on? He goes to her apartment after 4 days giving her the time she needs. That's good.

Plot, Conflict and Structure~
*NoteP*          In the story Milly tells her family about Marcus being in prison. While I would not want to keep secrets from my family, I wonder what was her motivation in telling them? Was she afraid of them finding out somehow? There are some secrets that are just better kept buried. this was a good twist in your story. If you decide to rewrite, I think they need to discuss this before they go on the weekend or figure out what Milly's reasoning is behind telling her family.
Then they just come together after 4 days and have sex without discussing what has happened. It's realistic but because this is a piece of a whole, it doesn't make sense. It's like it never happened.


Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You are doing well with these stories and with your characters. I like how they've developed into people of their own. You followed the assignment well and stayed within the word count.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Who are you and how did you come their piece? Did you see it listed on a specific page, or the description caught your attention. Did it remind you of someone or something?

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          This piece has continued the couple well. They seem to be able to work together and have the elements of sensuality between them. You stayed within the word count although I don't see a make-out session between the characters.

Technical Aspects~
*NoteP*          There are a few places that might need to be tweaked in the way of wording. A flash of him laid out on his bed conjured images that were not g - rated Heat rushed through her body, remembering him laid out naken on his bed.
The contact was electrical dynamite. What is electrical dynamite? I understand the meaning of being a shocking explosion but you can't picture this one.
He rested his forehead against hers as the two of them tired to bring their erratic breathing back to normal. ...as the two of them tried to bring...he's tired and she's trying to get him to go home.
As he washed his hands to help her, she told him, “You’ll be on potato duty on Sunday. Aunt Stephanie will put you to work.”From what I understand from the story, Thanksgiving is coming up and there's an extra family that is coming in. Arlynn is already going but doesn't know this new family coming. Arlynn is already busy with dinner endeavor that's why she is telling Ryan what he's going to be doing. am I correct?


Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You've done well with your characters and their descriptions of the emotions that are between them. Watching them interact with each other has been fun to watch.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here for assignment 2 in Building Emotion and Sensuality.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          This was an interesting story. The characters continued from the first assignment in their relationship.

Point of view~
*NoteP*          You did what the assignment said in that you switched character point of view.

Characterization and Dialogue~
*NoteP*          Your characters each told their side of the story of the date. Yet there's no emotion, what are your characters feeling? Yes you wrote Milly gives a smile of satisfaction, the corners of her eyes crinkle as she relaxes after a stressful day. He sees what her face reveals. Good job.
I say, “Look, I’ll stay for one drink, but then I’ll go home.” I stand on tiptoe and kiss him deeply. The feel of his body pressed to mine makes me nearly lose my resolve. Going for one drink that's a good way to end the evening. If she's really not wanting to stay, she should not have kissed him deeply. She should have wanted to keep her distance. If you rewrite


Showing vs. Telling~
*NoteP*          In this piece there is a lot of "I say." This story seems to be really rushed without the descriptions.
So, tonight we’re going on our six-month anniversary date. Where to? Yes, you guessed it. Panchos.Is he nervous about springing this date on her? Did they discuss going out? What are Milly's thoughts about going out after such a hard day?
Oh, my god, here she comes. What is his reaction to her walking in? Does he see she looks tired? Does she look refreshed from her hard day? Even after all this time, I can’t believe she agreed to go out with me. Why does he still not believe she's going out with him?



Technical Aspects~
*NoteP*          There are a few technical problems with this story. Most of them have to do with quotation marks missing and tenses that don't quite match within the sentence.
“That’s far enough Marcus, I say, sitting up quickly. I told you I wasn’t staying and you know what will happen if you don’t stop.” The quotation mark is missing after Marcus. Then before I when she sits up.


Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You have a good story. The characters are pushing their boundaries with each other, I think. I still don't see emotion between them. She wonders if he loves her or just lusts after her. He doesn't question whether or not she loves him even though she doesn't say anything about it. Keep trying you're getting there.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here doing a review for Building Emotion and Sensuality.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          I really enjoyed your story. I could see what was going on with the characters.

Tone, Mood, Point of view~
*NoteP*          The tone of the story was sensual. You did well describing what the characters are feeling. You changed the point of view of the story well. I would recommend using an asterisk *** or tilde~~~ for a point of view change.

Plot, Structure~
*NoteP*          Arlynn and Ryan go on their first date by themselves. They seem to be attracted to each other and showed well in the descriptions of what they were feeling and thinking.

Characterization and Dialogue~
*NoteP*          The characters seemed realistic and believable. The conversation moved the story along well.

Technical Aspects~
*NoteP*          There are a couple of places where if you rewrite change is recommended.
Arlynn laughed. The sound thrummed through him like lake ripples over heated skin. Tantalizing. He loved that laugh and he hoped he’d hear more of it at the night progressed. ...he'd hear more of it as the night progressed. Change at to as.
Ryan pulled out her chair and she settled back into it just as the waiter floated back with their coffees and dessert. I'm honestly not sure what to do about this sentence. It works in the story. The word "and" when Ryan pulls her chair out is what is slightly off. I'm not completely sure how to reword or omit the sentence. I would have like to see the gorgeous scene she saw from the table, along with the resort building.


Conclusions~
*NoteP*          This assignment was done well. You described your characters emotions well. Great Job!

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Date Night  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie Laine -Celebrates WDC!!! reviewing for HSP class Building Emotion and Sensuality.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          I enjoyed reading about your characters. You told me a lot about them.

Tone, Mood, Point of view~
*NoteP*          The tone of the story seemed like a couple who were more friends than lovers.
"Good to see you again. Have a seat," Gail greeted as he extended his hand. They've been dating for a month, yet don't kiss when they meet for a date? If you are taking this relationship very slow then that would be fine, and maybe you are. Let them kiss even on the cheek something to show some affection with each other.
The mood was light and bright. Where did the couple meet? Was the restaurant supposed to be bright and airy or dark and seductive?
I couldn't tell if you were writing a memory or present tense, the verb usage changed within the paragraph, which made it a little distracting.
Ever since she started high school she started studying the alphabet and numbers and taught herself on how to read with her fingers. She can't wait for classes to start soon. Her red hair, green eyes, and dark skin thrives in the sunlight. Ever since she started high school she studied the alphabet and numbers, teaching herself how to read with her fingers. Her classes college classes I assume? began soon, she found herself giddy with excitement. Her red hair, green eyes, and dark skin thrives in the sunlight. This description has nothing to do with the description of her classes and history.
The point of view for the assignment was to write in the point of one character then switch to the second character within the story. This story point of view was all third person. Told from the narrator.


Characterization and Dialogue~
*NoteP*          The characters seemed realistic because you gave me descriptions about what they liked and what they looked like. The dialogue was a little stiff, I think you need to write more body language into the story.

Showing vs. Telling~
*NoteP*          You told me a story about your characters describing who they are.
Braille wanted to become a teacher for blind students and teach how to read Braille. Ever since she started high school she started studying the alphabet and numbers and taught herself on how to read with her fingers. She can't wait for classes to start soon. Her red hair, green eyes, and dark skin thrives in the sunlight. Her description would have been better seen from Gail's point of view. How does he feel when he sees her? Was there something in her past that made her decide on the braille language?

Gail, on the other hand, is interested in the weather. Ever since middle school he had been studying weather and how the climate works. He's grown pretty good at predicting what will happen based off of the patterns and changes he studied about. He would also love to have a chance to do something special, big or small. His white skin, hazelnut eyes, and blonde hair blends in with the crowd. His description would have been better seen from Braille's point of view. How do these characters feel about each other? Has he figured out what difference or change he wants to make in life? Is it a change in someone else's life or a difference in his own?

Both of them believes in democracy. The people should make the decision. For education, everyone needs it. They are also prolife and against abortions. They support their own country as well as their favorite country to go visit on vacation. With a hobby of hiking as well as reading, they love going to the park together just so they can lay down on the grass and read their ebook until the battery runs down. Then they go home so that they could do it again.
This paragraph is necessary for the author to flesh out in characterization but I don't know what point it made with this story. Now if you were to show them discussing democracy, or education or pro-life versus abortion that would have been better. When have they been on a vacation in the last month since beginning their dating relationship? How did that vacation change their relationship? As they are on their date Braille say something that strikes a memory in Gail that reminds him of a particular hike they took and read the afternoon away, not realizing the sun was setting.


Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You have a lot of potential with this story. I hope you will in the future lessons think about writing more into your stories. You had up to 1500 words to use. I hope this doesn't deter you from future lessons. You can do this.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Part One:
You did well in describing your characters and showing me what is going on in their life.

Part Two:
You completed the first two parts in explaining what your impressions of the two genres are but you didn't really explain how they could be brought together.

Part Three:
You showed the attraction between Braiden and Nathen. A couple of changes I would recommend when you rewrite... In an attempt to by time he set his satchel in his lap and slipped his notebook inside. you might use "bide" or "buy" time.
The story shows the conflict that Nathen has with beginning a relationship with Braiden.

You've written a beginning that seems like it's going to explode into a full blown scene. Can't wait to see what happens next.
Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones

Overall Impressions~
You've got an interesting story. I can't really describe it. Your imagination runs in directions that your writing follows well. How do you come up with these stories? They are simple and yet complete in themselves.
I just have questions. You can choose to answer them or not. Why does Mark want Kara? Why does she feel so comfortable with him? Why does he kiss her on the mouth and she kiss him on the cheek? If Mark takes Kara in the space ship, what happens to the house and her stuff? Does Rodger get the rest of the things from the mother's will? Why does Mark's eyes keep changing? What's the deal with the story about the mermaid taking the husband?

Recommendations~
I didn't see any mistakes in this story that need correcting. While I was hoping to recommend that you continue the story. What happens next to Kara?

Conclusions~
You've got a good story here. The characters are easily seen along with your scene descriptions. I thought it interesting that you used black roses instead of red or yellow when the picnic basket was pulled out.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
** Image ID #2039491 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Wine, Baby  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones
I want to first welcome you to Writing.com (WDC). This is really great community to be a part of.

Overall Impressions~
You're written an interesting poem. The description makes me wonder what's going on? I had to spin this in my head a couple of times in order get it. A future husband and wife, they will be married in the future. This is a picture of their first date. I think that's how I am to understand what you've written.
With that in mind, here's what I don't understand. How a child comes from one glass of wine. It's like the characters drank too much and had a baby from the wine they drank. You describe the relationship after the baby is born then in the end feel that the child was a mistake. Maybe I've missed the meaning completely. Feel free to correct me.
I don't understand the story in your poem. It doesn't seem complete or it's missing pieces.

Conclusions~
You've got the beginnings of a good poem, I think it needs some tweaking. This was probably not a review you were expecting. I really mean you no harm in reviewing this.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
** Image ID #2039491 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Sliver Tongue  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones I hope you enjoying your time here on Writing.com (WDC). It's a great community it be apart of.

Overall Impressions~
You've got a good poem here. It's got a lot of real truth to it. There's a lot of things on the news that is not true. The sad thing is people are so gullible to buy whatever they see. There's not a lot of anything good on the news aside from the weather, that's wrong most of the time too. At least the weather will give you a baseline or gauge on which to decide what you are going to do for the next few days. While the interesting thing is the weather people do just about the same thing. I live in Oklahoma, known for tornadoes. The weather people scare people into believing there's going to be a tornado, there or here or at this time. It's frustrating. Because there's not a lot that's good on the news, I don't watch it. I know that some would think it's like putting my head in the sand. Yet, I don't care.
You've got a good poem, I wouldn't change anything in it. Hope to see you with more things written.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
** Image ID #2039491 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones I hope that you are enjoying your time here on Writing.com (WDC) this is a really great place to share what you've got.

Overall Impressions~
This poem is short and dark. I understand where you are coming from in that I've been Alone in the Silence and have a poem named for that. This poem is simple.
I wonder why you are walking along the lonely road. Do you feel alone where you are? Why are you walking in darkness and despair?
I think you need a bit more detail in this poem simply because the more detail you can have the better the poem will be. Maybe explain why you are going along alone. Explain where you are going, what's going on around you and how you are going to get out of where you are. Are you going to stay where you are?
If you are talking about being a writer, as a lonely road, that most of us can probably understand. I know I do. Writing though is my outlet in my life. There are times in our lives that we have to be alone, that's okay. It's what you do while you are alone that makes or break you.
This is a good poem, I think it needs a bit more information.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
** Image ID #2039491 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Sliver Tongue  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones. I hope you enjoying your time here on Writing.com (WDC). It's a great community it be apart of.

Overall Impressions~
You've got a good poem here. It's got a lot of real truth to it. There's a lot of things on the news that is not true. The sad thing is people are so gullible to buy whatever they see. There's not a lot of anything good on the news aside from the weather, that's wrong most of the time too. At least the weather will give you a baseline or gauge on which to decide what you are going to do for the next few days. While the interesting thing is the weather people do just about the same thing. I live in Oklahoma, known for tornadoes. The weather people scare people into believing there's going to be a tornado, there or here or at this time. It's frustrating. Because there's not a lot that's good on the news, I don't watch it. I know that some would think it's like putting my head in the sand. Yet, I don't care.
You've got a good poem, I wouldn't change anything in it. Hope to see you with more things written.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
** Image ID #2039491 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of GoT Writings  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones
I hope you enjoying your time in the game. It's been interesting this year to say the least.

Overall Impressions~
You've got a good story beginning. You did well interpreting the prompt that was given. I didn't think you gave the story a happy ending, yet that could be a matter of opinion too. A happy ending for me is where the characters end up together. While yours did not end up together. She married a Sailor and he refuses to marry. If you rewrite this you will probably look into adding more detail to the story. I wonder what the tavern looked like. I can picture it with the bar and tables, like you would see in the movies.

Recommendations~
The only recommendation that I have is more detail in your story. Why did Geoffery not want to settle down? Why was she set on getting married?

Conclusions~
You've got a good story just the way it is. There's not much else you can do with it besides add the backstory of why the characters are the way they are. I hope to see more of your story unfold in the future.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
** Image ID #2039491 Unavailable **


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18
18
Review of GoT Writings  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones. I hope you enjoying your time in the game. It's been interesting this year to say the least.

Overall Impressions~
You've got a good story beginning. You did well interpreting the prompt that was given. I didn't think you gave the story a happy ending, yet that could be a matter of opinion too. A happy ending for me is where the characters end up together. While yours did not end up together. She married a Sailor and he refuses to marry. If you rewrite this you will probably look into adding more detail to the story. I wonder what the tavern looked like. I can picture it with the bar and tables, like you would see in the movies.

Recommendations~
The only recommendation that I have is more detail in your story. Why did Geoffery not want to settle down? Why was she set on getting married?

Conclusions~
You've got a good story just the way it is. There's not much else you can do with it besides add the backstory of why the characters are the way they are. I hope to see more of your story unfold in the future.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Days of Yore  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones This review is simply one authors opinion of another authors work.

Overall Impression~
This story was heartfelt and warm. You did well remembering a much simpler time in your life. It's nice that you noticed while you were playing in the water, everyone was in fact the same, rich or not so rich, everyone enjoyed time with their family.

Recommendations~
The recommendations I'm making are technical things that will help make the story clearer. It's ultimately up to you whether you change things or not.
When the food was ready, we were called out of the water an onto a blanket on the ground. Change "an" to and.
The adults and the food controlled the picnic table, and we wet already. I think it should read: "and we were wet already." There's a lot of 'we' words there, it can get hard to see what needs to be seen. Those are the only two changes I would make. The story is perfect other than this.

Conclusions~
While word count was a factor in what you wrote, you might look into writing this again with more detail. Swimming in the pond, what did it smell like? What did it take to get the winner down in the water?

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
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20
20
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones. I hope that you are enjoying your time here on Writing.com (WDC).

Overall Impressions~
I know where you found this picture. It was one of the image prompts for 30 Day Challenge. I like your take on this picture. The fact that you chose to write about your grandson is heartwarming and thoughtful.
The flow of your poem was consistent throughout the piece.

Recommendations~
The recommendations I make are just my opinion. If you do not agree then ignore them and move on.
I would recommend one change, take out the repeat four line stanza at the end. It doesn't add anything to the poem.

Conclusions~
You have a good poem just the way it is. You did a good job describing your knight in shining armor with his tennis shoes. I like the fact that you added color to your entry. That was an interesting twist on this poem. The picture at the end is natural and cute too. Children are the best when they are sleeping. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
** Image ID #2039491 Unavailable **


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21
21
Review of Wine, Baby  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones 2017. I want to first welcome you to Writing.com (WDC). This is really great community to be a part of.

Overall Impressions~
You're written an interesting poem. The description makes me wonder what's going on? I had to spin this in my head a couple of times in order get it. A future husband and wife, they will be married in the future. This is a picture of their first date. I think that's how I am to understand what you've written.
With that in mind, here's what I don't understand. How a child comes from one glass of wine. It's like the characters drank too much and had a baby from the wine they drank. You describe the relationship after the baby is born then in the end feel that the child was a mistake. Maybe I've missed the meaning completely. Feel free to correct me.
I don't understand the story in your poem. It doesn't seem complete or it's missing pieces.

Conclusions~
You've got the beginnings of a good poem, I think it needs some tweaking. This was probably not a review you were expecting. I really mean you no harm in reviewing this.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
** Image ID #2039491 Unavailable **
22
22
Review of Hidden Tears  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones. I would first like to welcome you to Writing.com (WDC). This is a really great community of authors who help each other.

Overall Impressions~
This poem is emotional. I understand it's about PTSD from the description. I would like to ask if in the emotional state this poem is in, is there a coming out of the hole that seems to be dug?
Why are the tears hidden? Is there no one to comfort the one who is down?

Recommendations~
The recommendations for changes I make are just that, recommendations. You don't have to change this if you don't want to.
Slipping down her cheeks, wet
Her mind, frozen
Sobbing
Torment, intensely felt

I would take out some of the commas. The pause the commas make, give this poem a choppy feel. Here's something you look at doing.
Slipping down here cheeks
Sobbing, her mind frozen
While her torment intensely felt
Yes I took out "wet" on purpose. The word to me is repetitive.
When you write your poetry, you might look at writing it as if you are writing a story. Show the reader what is happening and that way they can relate better to what is going on and understand the raw emotion that is being conveyed.

Conclusions~
This poem is yours and it's good just the way it is. I would like to say welcome again to WDC and hope you get out there and if you need anything don't hesitate to ask, me or anyone.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.}
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23
23
Review of Be My  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones 2017. I would first like to welcome you to writing.com (WDC). This is a good community to get into. This review is simply one authors opinion of your work.

Overall Impressions~
I enjoyed your poem. Love stories and poems are my favorite things to read and write. You want someone who is there for through thick and thin, all of life's ups and downs.
The part I liked about this poem The one to understand the craziness that fills me but stays around knowing that there's more that defines me.

Recommendations~
The changes I recommend are just that recommendations, you choose to change this poem or not.
It seems that the phrase "Be my person" is the beginning of a new subject. You can lengthen this by adding a space between each of the stanzas
But stays around knowing that there's I would change the but to yet. Because you are describing the same thing, adding the but changes the direction of the sentence.
My person in line 13. I think you should have "Be my person"
Knowing a person can be theirs alone I understand what you are saying, in that, you are one with this other person and you are also your own person. The way this sentence is written does NOT fit in this poem because everything else speaks of being together, this speaks of being alone.

Conclusions~
You've got a good poem. You seem like a talented writer. This review was meant to help you. It is my hope that I have done that or at least given you something to think about.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
** Image ID #2039491 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Days of Yore  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones. This review is simply one authors opinion of another authors work.

Overall Impression~
This story was heartfelt and warm. You did well remembering a much simpler time in your life. It's nice that you noticed while you were playing in the water, everyone was in fact the same, rich or not so rich, everyone enjoyed time with their family.

Recommendations~
The recommendations I'm making are technical things that will help make the story clearer. It's ultimately up to you whether you change things or not.
When the food was ready, we were called out of the water an onto a blanket on the ground. Change "an" to and.
The adults and the food controlled the picnic table, and we wet already. I think it should read: "and we were wet already." There's a lot of 'we' words there, it can get hard to see what needs to be seen. Those are the only two changes I would make. The story is perfect other than this.

Conclusions~
While word count was a factor in what you wrote, you might look into writing this again with more detail. Swimming in the pond, what did it smell like? What did it take to get the winner down in the water?

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
** Image ID #2039491 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones. This is simply one authors opinion of another.

Overall Impressions~
What a story. It's an interesting twist on the prompt available. I like the fact that the characters even though they have a troubled past can have a tolerable relationship with each other.

Point of view~
The point of view is that of the male character/pilot. His point of view is consistent throughout the story.

Characterizations and Dialogue~
The only thing I know about your characters is they are male and female, formerly married but don't know how long ago. I don't know what they look like. The word count limitations could have something to do with that.
Although the dialogue that you have moves the story along well.

Recommendations~
There is one change I recommend, while it's completely up to you to change it.
After dragged ourselves through the surf, we collapsed onto the white, tropical sands, breathing heavy from the exertion of swimming over a mile. This in my opinion could read two different ways. One would be: "After dragging ourselves through the surf, and collapsing..." OR "After we dragged ourselves through the surf, we collapsed..." Either way would work but it's up to you.
Other than this, it's perfect.

Conclusions~
You've got a good foundation for a longer story if you should choose to continue it. Good job.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
** Image ID #2039491 Unavailable **


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