*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/iamrighter/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: ON
337 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
When reviewing other's work I tend to be straight forward and honest. I do not do sarcasm as it can be taken as being rude. I do not like horror stories.
I'm good at...
I am good at finding spelling errors. I have tendency to read the words specifically, then my imagination kicks in and I can picture the scene.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Adventure, Erotic, Fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
Educational, Horror, Gay/Lesbian, Occult
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Chapters, Novella, Poetry
Least Favorite Item Types
Novels
I will not review...
Horror/Scary, Occult, Crime/Gangster, Ghost, Gothic
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 -3- 4 5 ... Next
51
51
Review by Cadie Laine
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am reviewing partly because I am having issues with this assignment and partly because I wanted to see what you had come up with. It's a good story. The characters are realistic for the piece. There are one or two places that you might look at. This is just one writers point of view.
These comments are from someone who doesn't know foreign languages. I get the characters are in London. I don't understand some of the language you've used.
He made a moue and tsked. I don't understand this sentence. I figure you meant to write asked. Yet, moue is what I don't have a clue about. Please explain.
chridhe Terry keeps calling Phillipe this. What is it? I figure it's something akin to mon cherie but not sure.
Maman This describes Phillipe's mother. Why the 'n' at the end?

This is a great story. It seemed like I knew where the story was going to end up. Personally, I think you did a good job with the assignment you had.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
52
52
Review of Him and Her.  
Review by Cadie Laine
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Cadie here. I found this piece looking through the Erotica genre portion of WDC. Here are my thoughts on your piece, note this is just the opinion of one writer, it's meant to help and not to harm in any way.

Overall: This piece is a good starting point for a longer story. I enjoyed reading it. I thought it needed a few more details maybe some history on the characters. Towards the end, you might look at spacing on the next to last paragraph starts with "He fixed her with wild eyes..."

Recommendations: if the woman is calling her partner 'daddy'. I think that should have a capital D instead of lower case.
He just noticed that she was on top of him, her body on his, and she was wearing one of his white shirts that looked like dresses on her because of their size and she wore really tight lady boxers that did little to hide her attractive figure that made a sane man drool over. I think this could be a run-on sentence. It's a bit wordy and long. He just noticed that she was on top of him, wearing one of his white shirts that looked as if she were wearing a dress. He could feel the tight lady boxers that did little to hid her attractive figure, making a sane man drool over her. This is the way I think it should read.
He fixed her with wild eyes and broke into a feral grin.
"Flip over on your back." He ordered, a low growl emanating from his throat.
She obeyed willingly and lied down on her back in a slow, provocative way, enticing him even more.
"Fuck me daddy, rape me, use me and make me your cum dumpster." She sighed into his hair as he attacked her neck with lips and tongue. He held her tighter and she responded by clawing his back, bunching up his shirt in her hands for purchase. He worked her neck from top to bottom, kissing her, nibbling her ears, licking her and making her shiver. She was already moaning as he kept on ravishing her neck with his experienced tongue, carrying her on a roller-coaster of pleasure and ecstasy, making her shiver with the greatness of it.
There isn't anything wrong with this except you don't see him climbing on top of her or laying next to her after she lays down. She lays down then all of a sudden she's talking into his hair. Earlier in the story she wasn't suppose to talk but now there's no repercussion or punishment for her speaking? Just wondering about that.

Conclusion: This piece has the makings of a great story. I hope that you complete what you've started. If you need help just let me know, I'm not an expert or anything but I've written a few pieces. Writing erotica for the first time can be intimidating. Just remember that these are only the opinion of one writer. I hope this has helped and given you more ideas to work with.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
53
53
Review of Dear Me,  
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,
I found this in the Spiritual Newsletter. I wanted to let you know that I like your perspective on this contest and this new year. I like that you seem to have written this from a futuristic point of view. I would not recommend deleting anything from your past without having a backup of some kind. Although you probably know this and have already done it.
While looking at this as a contest entry, I don't see any spelling errors or places where the wording doesn't make sense. I like the fact that you are deepening your relationship with God, I wish I was doing something like that, my problem is that there are times where spending time in the Word is the first place I fail. I need some help in that area.
This is a good letter.
Thank you for sharing and keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
54
54
Review of Gymnastics  
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I am reviewing for "a very Wodehouse challenge.
I really enjoyed your description of the Olympic games in Rio. This poem flowed well for the acrostic you used. I always did enjoy the gymnastics part of the games. Your wording was well placed. You captured the essence of what the games are about well.
Thank you for sharing and keep writing.
55
55
Review of The Winning Goal  
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I am reviewing for "a very Wodehouse challenge. This is a different piece than what I have seen you write. I enjoyed it, your descriptions are good and the story flows well.
I would recommend maybe an adjustment The ball flew past him to Tom. At this point in your story you have Jimmy, Eddie, a defender. The inference in the sentence could be the ball flew past Eddie, the defender or Jimmy. who is "him"?

When I think about the ball sailing past a goalie, the goalie usually has both hands up at the same time. You might want to look at changing "fingertip" to plural.

These are just my thoughts. I am not much on sports, it's up to what you want to do. Thank you for sharing and keep writing.
56
56
Review of Romantic Surprise  
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am reviewing for I write Romance. This review is meant to help and not hinder. It's simply the opinion of one writer to another.

I really enjoyed your story. It was short and sweet. One week anniversary, depending on how fast they are moving, the guy could be taken as too forward. I know my husband would have loved to be able to move this fast when we were dating.
The flow of the narrative was great. The way you described the moment went really well in the story.

I would make it a little longer if you decide to do anything with it. Find out what happens next.
Great story, keep writing and thank you for sharing.
57
57
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am reviewing for I write Romance...
I always enjoy reading your work. It has a sense of completeness and yet you've taken something from a larger piece you've written.
A few revisions might be made. Nothing major.

Adam enjoyed the warmth of her hand in his, the way her fingers fit between his, soft, yet firm as she held his hand. the last part of this: soft, yet firm as she held his hand. I think you are describing his hand in hers but it sounds confusing. I recommend rewording this.

He filled his mouth with the delicious dessert and sat back, waiting for the answer.
“Because I didn’t want it to ruin things between us.”
Press enter either after answer or before the quotations of Because. At first I thought he said it because the paragraph shows his point of view. Yet, she said "Because..."

Autumn night. capital A needs to be a lower case a.

That's it. This is a great piece. I can't wait to read more. Thank you for sharing and keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
58
58
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I found this forum and thought I might join. I know this is way of getting a hold of you is a little unconventional.
I just have a couple of questions about a couple of rules. These questions are not even about the rules themselves but the way they are seen on the computer screen.

Rule #4a - Non-Essential Elements (use commas)

Ethan Drane had more then one, actually he had seven, pairs of short shorts.

My question for this Rule is should the word "then" be "than"? If it is correct how is it correct? Then refers to a time. Than refers to an object.

Rule #7 - Introductory Transitional Words (use commas)
Beginning Sentence: Ethan Drane saw the lady eyeing off his short shorts.
Transitional Sentence: Consequently, he complimented her on her hot pants.

As I copy and paste this second rule, I realize there isn't a problem with it. While reading the rules in general they seem to be justified with the page, meaning there will not be any words hyphenated. This made 'he' in transitional sentence seem like it had too many spaces. I am probably wrong in pointing this rule out but thought I would bring it up anyway.

Thank you for sharing. Looking forward to joining in the great conversations you seem to have. Keep writing.

59
59
Review of Larkin's Ranch  
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I have not read any of your entries as of yet but I thought I would like to make note that your paragraph with the story blurb needs some correcting. funky brackets instead of parenthesis. Also, double check the spacing between the commas and the next word. Granted I am looking on my 17 inch laptop screen and not my 32 inch big screen television.
Thank you for sharing and keep writing.
60
60
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am reviewing for I write Romance. The comments are not meant to hurt or harm only to help.

I enjoyed reading your poem. The use of colors describing the situation of learning how to live a life in a different perspective is very vivid and creative.
The flow of the imagery and use of language went well through the poem. You are correct, we all have to live our life our own way and if no one else likes it at least you can be happy with yourself and know that you are who you are.
My only concern with the poem is the second stanza with the indented lines. I understand why you did that and I can see why you would omit the redundant words of 'you refuse' but it to me just looks weird. I am not use to seeing indentions in poetry like this. Just something I will have to research. The way you have this second stanza it reads as if it were a continuing sentence which helps the poem move forward, it just looks weird. Yet, should not be changed because of the way it reads.
Thank you for sharing and entering the I write Romance contest. Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
61
61
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello, I was actually looking to see if you had an opening in October but I guess with Nano prep going on there might be alot of people who are going to shut down their contests. For good reason mind you.
The reason why I am sending this to you because I found a typo in your forum.
This paragraph is right before the forum conversations.

The Septemver contest is over. Check out our awesome winners above.
Congratulations to all the winners and thanks to everyone who entered.
Come back in November for the next round of the contest.

Can you see what is wrong? Yes, September is spelled wrong. *Laugh* Granted the v and b are right beside each other and if you have not saved your writingML into your computer it comes up with a red line under everything and can be hard to miss those words that might slip by us. Anyway. Thought you might want to look at changing it. If not leave it alone. *Think*
Have a good day. Looking forward to possibly entering in November. Thank you for sharing your time with us and putting this contest together. Keep writing.
62
62
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I have accepted your request for a review. This review is meant as an opinion from one author to another. It is not meant to harm only to help.

I have to admit that I was not exactly sure what to expect when you requested that I read your piece. I have received some requests for some really long pieces. I thought I would go ahead and review yours no matter how long it was.

In general I did not see any spelling errors aside from fantasize here:
I fantasise that instead of circus tigers the Leo star shall jump granted this could be something is cross country spelling. Meaning it could be correct in Africa to spell this word the way you have and wrong where I am in America. If the word is correct where you are then leave it alone. Other than that the poem is rather descriptive and thorough.

I do like the way that you have used all the sight senses you could to describe what was going on. This poem had a tendency to be a tongue twister with the use of Alliteration in the first stanza. I wonder if you meant to use that literary device on purpose or if it was accidental. Either way, it works.

Bailey's beads of light art' seen
Towards the Moon's trailing edge
What is this referring to? I am trying to figure out if you are trying to say Bailey's beads of light, are seen towards the Moon's trailing edge. OR Bailey's beads of light art, are seen towards the Moon's trailing edge. I don't know what Bailey's beads of light have to do with this eclipse.

God' s glory gratefully There is an extra space between the apostrophe and the s that needs to be taken out.

This is a good piece, Thank you for the enjoyable read and the information. I have learned something new today.
Thank you for sharing and keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
63
63
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, I am doing a random review. This review is just one writers opinion about what you have presented. This is meant to give constructive criticism and not be hurtful.
I enjoyed the story but I did not enjoy the story. Let me explain.
I enjoyed the story because I enjoy reading and this was a good read. I didn't enjoy the story because John was not willing to fight for what he wanted. He thought she would just wait around for him to come to her and then he lost her and his life. Just me what he should have done is gone to her during the party or at least see his friend at the party and talk with him.

I have to admit you have a lot of wisdom in the story about the use of words. I find that we have to watch what we say because if we don't then we can do more damage than good.

Some recommended changes you might make are:
The difference is, I believe, to have been accounted by the warmth, humor and joy which radiated off her very person. Check your tense or if this an internal thought then it needs to be italicized.

Such was the pleasant misery and glorious torture to which John's heart had unbidden subjected him to for the six months past. This sentence needs to be reworked it doesn't fit with the story. The descriptions do not match. Pleasant misery. Glorious torture. John's heart had unbidden subjected him...I don't understand this phrase.

John's eyes were drawn towards a particular personage at all times said person appeared, as if it were that by not watching her she might vanish eternally from his sight, he burned her beauty into the very depths of his memory. John thought about this girl all the time and when he did she showed up? That's the way I am understanding this sentence. He kept looking at her almost staring because he was afraid to forget her.

"I thought that would get your attention!", he exclaimed. Either use the comma or the exclamation but not both.

This is a good story and moves along well. I thought it was ironic that the car started then it shut off by itself before the wedding. It's like the car was saying nope you aren't going.
Thank you for sharing. Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
64
64
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello, I owe you a review for Lucky Basket #44.
NOTICE: This review is only meant as an opinion from one writer to another. Whether you make changes to the piece based on what I recommend is up to you.

I like this poem. It simple.
I like the way to tell a short story in this piece. It flows throughout the poem easily. this piece reminds me of the times I have spent mornings with my husband drinking coffee talking about what our day held.

Recommended changes would be:
Stanza 2 Line 3 and 4
That this one’s been a good
One and mine will follow too

I would change it to read as follows:
This one's been a good one
Mine will follow too

Stanza 3 Line 4
Like the morning’s all its fault
I would change it to read as follows:
Like the morning's all at fault

It was recommended that I personally remove a few choppy words from my poetry pieces to give it more punch. Those words included, but/that/how could/just. Granted I don't know if this will help you in your writing, I thought I would share that with you.
Thank you for sharing and keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
65
65
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Fivesixer Hello, I thought I would let you know that you have a typo in your September 2nd prompt forum post.

Now's your change *chance* to plug some of the birthday events you're hosting and/or taking part in.
I would also like to be put back on the email list. I am interested in continuing another 30 days or more.

Thank you for sharing and keep writing.
66
66
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, I came across your piece looking through the romance genre. Inspriation is what I am looking for and reviewing is going to help me. I really like this piece. I wish there was more to the story though. What was his side of the story? Was she stalking him? Or were they dating and he's just moved on without her?
"A few minutes of utter panic. Sweet pours out of my skin; my heart beats so fast I can hear the drumming in my ears." Instead of Sweet pours, the sentence should be Sweat pours.
When I am this angry, my mind yes goes blank but I can still see the scene like a photograph that has been taken, I can't get rid of it. I haven't been through this particular situation but I have been this angry at someone. Just a change recommendation for future reference.
Other than this I would not change anything. I like this piece. Thank you for sharing. Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
67
67
Review of Overtime  
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I am conducting a random review and would like to offer some constructive feedback on this piece.
Let me begin by saying this is a twisted piece. Also, I would like to know one thing: WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? There are so many questions that need to be answered.

"You Dolt," she burst into tears. "Yesterday was are wedding anniversary!" are needs to be replaced with our

I found it interesting when I first read this story that Harry did not know if he was having an affair. That part did not make sense until the end when you find out she was talking to a robot.
How did the clone get out? Why was the clone made? Why did the real Harry miss his own anniversary? Again what happens next? She doesn't seem really happy about renewing her vows to Harry. Is she still in shock of the clone? Where does Harry work?
This is a great story, thank you for sharing and keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
68
68
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I am conducting a random review and the WDC system chose this piece for me to review. I have to be honest when I first received this piece to review I thought SERIOUSLY? But then I figured this might have some spelling corrections that not too many people would find. So the editor has woken up and had her coffee. She is looking forward to performing this review.
October 3rd. Complete a character profile of your protagonist. This link goes to Nanowrimo.org but the thread is no longer there.
October 8th Traditional Outline link has moved.
October 15th The links on this day do not work. The Snowflake method may just be a problem on my end because it worked earlier, you might check your side of the link.
October 22nd and 29th Again check your links for Traditional outline. and your Snowflake Method. I think I have figured out what is wrong with the link on these days article needs to be placed in the link. NOT art
The photo and quote prompts did not pull up the photo.
Fictional World Mapping - I get an invalid redirect.
Character Tools - All of the links are saying an invalid redirect. I figure these webpages work because I have used some of them last year and continue to use them now.
Outlining tools - All links are invalid redirect, yet the link for the Snowflake method seems to be correct.
The link to the forum takes me to 2016 Prep Challenge forum.
In conclusion, if you are simply copying and pasting your links and things to a new item for a new year. I would recommend checking your links and websites to make sure you don't have any problems with them. It took me a minute to realize that I was going through the 2014 Calendar. Working with past items and dates. The idea should be the same. It seems you haven't changed much over the years. That can be a good thing. I did enjoy this and did not find anything wrong except the link problems. Good job thank you for sharing and doing this each year. Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
69
69
Review of Knock First  
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I am reviewing for I write Romance. I like this poem. It sounds a little reckless and chaotic.

Knock First
Before you enter my heart
That’s the polite thing to do. good beginning.
But you
Just barged right in
Without concern for how
I might feel about things. I half expected it to rhyme here. The subject is good and flows with the beginning, it just cuts off.

And now
How can I go on
Without you?
Don’t leave me now—
Leave me never
For now my heart’s door has
Closed once again
With you inside.
This stanza seems out of order. What happened to the relationship? Why is this person leaving?
Here is how you might look at changing this...

Don't leave me now -
Never leave me.
How can I go on
without you?
My heart's door has closed
once again
with you inside.

Granted this is just one persons opinion on what was written. This poem seems like it was written quickly, or hurriedly. It is my goal to help not to hurt or hinder. Thank you for sharing, keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
70
70
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This was a good read. I was expecting something more and was glad to know that the story doesn't always have to end in bed.
Your story moved along well and I like the fact that she didn't back down from Jake.
There could be more description about what car he drove, where they went but I also know that with word count limits you have to watch how much description you put in before it becomes the only thing in it. Then you don't have a story just description.
It's a good story, the characters except Jake was likable but we weren't suppose to like him. LOL
Thank you for sharing, keep writing.
71
71
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
There is a 3 next to the in the first paragraph. You might look at changing that.
72
72
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, Reviewing for Game of Thrones, I wanted to read something a bit spicier than what I have been reading. You might want to look at putting Chapter numbers or Part numbers on your pieces so that if a person like me who was reading the items in this folder wanted to read them in order they could find them easier.
This is a good continuation from your first piece. In Part 1 he drives a 39 Chevy, in part 2 he drives a 40 ford, which is it?
As a continuation from part one you find out that she is the one looking for a roll in the hay. He wants to take things slower, that's cool.
This story is faster paced than the last. What are they looking for in each other? Is sex it? I may have to find part 3 and keep reading to see what happens next.
Slow your sex scene down if you rewrite. I understand this a quickie for HSP and there are word count limits. Slowing down my scenes is a problem I have also, I am working on it but have not perfected it. The story line is good and the characters have realism.
I don't think I wrote this in the last review. Thank you for sharing, keep writing.
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
73
73
Review of Casual Encounter  
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I am reviewing for Game of Thrones. Just so you know these are my opinions and recommendations, you do not have to make the changes I think should be made. This is one writer to another.
Something you might want to look into is marking your story in order or rearranging the folder to hold everything in order that it needs to be written.
This is a good story, it moved along well. Where are the characters? I at first thought Frank was at home, then she walks in. Ballsy for her to walk into a complete strangers house. Then figured out they were at a restaurant.
The characters seem realistic and likable. I like that they went for a walk and sex didn't seem didn't seem to be on his brain.
The beginning of a good story. I would like to recommend some minor changes I found.
Being a mechanic, was Frank greasy or did he take a shower before he went out?
In paragraph 2 add a space between 'saying' and 'the'. In the conversation who is talking? Starting with "Mind if I buy you a drink?" Who said it?
"Social skills...long suit." should that be 'strong' suit?
"Perfect Indian Sumner." Change to Summer.
"Maybe I'ill" take out an I.
You might add more description to the setting, they are walking outside but I don't see outside. Granted I don't see inside either besides there is a bar.
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
74
74
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This review is a part of Game of Thrones. I hope it helps you more than it hinders.

This story was lighthearted but did not make me laugh out loud. I like the idea of giving the reader the option to input their own ideas in and asking them what they see.
I especially grinned at the Catholic having more paperwork and waiting on purgatory. It fits. The sarcasm was not over the top.

There is one place I had a problem with, and it is not where you might think. In paragraph 5, you discuss BUT as a conjunctive, that part to me does not enhance the story. In my opinion, it brings the story to a dead stop. Once you get past that you have remember where you were and what was going on.

The beginning, I'm not sure what to about the first sentence. Is that the prompt you used? It doesn't flow exactly with the rest of the story. My recommendation is you either take it out, put more explanation in, or mark it as the prompt for the story.
Overall good piece. Thank you for sharing and Keep writing.
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
75
75
Review of The Burning  
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a slow explaining piece. The story line is good and well thought out.
I recommend watching your spelling, check your spacing, and grammatics.

Paragraph 4 a long side the parents... (along side)
Throughout this whole story you have misspelled soldier. You spelled it solider (soldier)

Paragraph 5 lower case L on The Light.

Paragraph 7 Second part of the ceremony crys (cries) Kamik .I (Check spacing with period.)

Paragraph 8 Now we are stepping down...If they had, (add comma) then Jason...
Oranges, yellows, (no apostrophes)
Place our right hands,balled (add space)

Paragraph 9 Solider (Soldier)

Paragraph 10 Consider multiple packs you make it sound like one pack when you have stated in previous parts of the story that there were multiple packs in the village.

All in all this is a good story, with good details. I could not figure out if the main character was male or female. Why does the main character not want to cry? Does the character grieve more than what they already have?
Thank you for sharing. Keep writing.
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
125 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 5 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/iamrighter/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3