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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/idaschreibt357
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24 Public Reviews Given
24 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
See already given reviews
I'm good at...
I'm good at judging style, atmosphere and description, i.e. whether "show, don't tell" was followed, for example. I notice things like the change of an eye or shirt color. Additionally, I like to ask questions like "why does x do y?".
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Romantasy, Romance, YA
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, Erotic, Thriller, Crime
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories (Static Items)
Least Favorite Item Types
Campfires and other interactive stories
I will not review...
Interactive stories, Stories with more than 1.500 words, Horror, Thriller, Erotic and Stories with excessive violence and/or 18+ and above
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Also Yellow  
Review by Evie123
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good day,

I wish you a happy Account Anniversary Day.

First of all, I find it very interesting to follow your train of thought. You first talk about the prompt itself and then move on - very fluidly, almost seamlessly - to ideas about how to use the prompt.

It is nice that the young couple has/had a "yellow" relationship.

I like the idea that colours have or express emotions. But I think I read somewhere that the colour yellow makes you happy. So writing about a couple's happiness at the prompt "yellow" is not as inappropriate as it sounds at first.

I would like it if there was a link to the story (or stories?), though. However, I can fully understand if you don't want to publish these stories.

Thank you for the interesting insight into your inner monologue on the subject of "yellow".

Kind regards,
Evie
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Review by Evie123
In affiliation with The palace for various activit...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good morning,

I found your post and read it with interest. Here is my opinion on your writing style and the combination. As always, take what you can use and forget the rest!

The title is well chosen. I didn't know the combination of waffles and chicken and was surprised at first. My curiosity was aroused - that's why I read this post and hereby give/write you this review.
I find your description ("It must be a Southern thing...LOL") a little unprofessional. Of course, the choice is yours, but I would rename it "a sweet and savory dish".

Your first sentence ("A sweet and savory dish, that to be honest - I had never heard of until I came to the South.") is like an introduction and a little summary. Cooks will directly ask how to prepare this dish. Well done!
The second sentence strikes a narrative tone that is not entirely unwelcome. It is more personal and makes this contribution more endearing.

In the second paragraph, you explain your opinion and confess that you haven't tried it (yet). It is the main part of the post.

The last paragraph is for closure - or should be. You did this in an extraordinary way by writing: "I think I'd like some nice fluffy waffles, along with a bit of maple syrup. As for the chicken, definitely fried - and I'd go for the thigh, as it has more flavour than the breast, in my opinion. I'd also add a small bowl of fruit, and a cup of coffee for my entrée." So you explain how you would eat this dish. I think it would be interesting if you had put one or two more adjectives in this paragraph, so that people could see the dish more vividly in their mind's eye and possibly throw it as hungrily as you did in the last sentence. A simile or personification would also have been perfect here.
The last sentence "Ugh, now I am hungry! LOL" is in your personal style. I would never write something like that, but of course it's your choice. Don't take it as an insult! It's just to say that I would leave out the "LOL" and the "Ugh" to keep it more professional.

Overall, I think your post is good and worth reading. Keep it up!

Kind regards,
Evie
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3
Review of Unfoolable  
Review by Evie123
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for the opportunity to read this interesting poem!

I found it by chance through the "Read and Review" button and thought to myself, four stanzas, that's quite manageable, I'll read that.

First of all, I think the form of the poem (4 stanzas of 4 verses of 8 syllables each) is very successful. This format seems difficult, so I find what you've done with it all the more interesting.

In addition, I find the content of your poem interesting. "Nobody ever can fool me" is appropriately chosen as a refrain and super integrated into the stanzas.

Keep it up!
Evie
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Review by Evie123
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for this post!

I came across this explanation because I wanted to take a closer look at your portfolio. I love your challenge to write something in 40 words and was curious to see your own work.

I think it's interesting how you not only get to the heart of the diabetes issue, but explain it so clearly. In addition, you encourage diabetes patients (no, I don't have diabetes) and mention preventive care.

Keep it up!
Evie
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Review of L'aura del Campo  
Review by Evie123
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A Great poem!
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Review of Chef's Special  
Review by Evie123
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Good day,

since I have enjoyed your writing style so far, I also read this short story of yours when I discovered it.

The title is appealing, but not very specific. Perhaps you could flesh out the title a bit or add an adjective to make it stand out from other works with such titles.

The first few sentences make a good introduction.
Man is a creature that likes to read about success.
The title "Star chef wants to save restaurant from bankruptcy" makes me think a bit of Scrooge McDuck, but let's ignore that.
Thus, man is eager to see what will become of the restaurant.

The end is surprising and different from the beginning.
The surprise is a good stylistic device, the end thus remains in the reader's mind.

The mood of the story changes in the course from "Hopeful" to "Why?" to "Oh no!" You managed this very skillfully.

I also found your dialogues very authentic and real, they seemed harmless and one got involved in the story.

I can imagine the scenes well, because the atmosphere is created, there are descriptions and the dialogs are great. Definitely keep this up!

And a word about the characters: You can tell you paid more attention to them this time. They are less stereotypical and more times interesting. Great!

Best regards,
Evie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of It Is What It Is  
Review by Evie123
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good morning/lunch/evening,

I really enjoyed reading two of your previous short stories, and thought this one was bound to be just as interesting when I discovered it.

First of all, I like the title because it makes you curious.

The first paragraph is well done and creates a basic mood.
The character doesn't want to do any gardening, but decides to stop putting it off.
Honestly, I can find myself in this part very well. I also suffer from procrastination :)

My favorite line is "Brewing in hand, he made himself comfy in his favorite chair - a tatty old tea-stained armchair, purchased in 1993, but, according to him, still as good as new - and switched on the TV."
He reminds me of my grandpa, and I like the accurate description of the chair, which identifies the character perfectly.

The ending has a successful punch line. I like how well I can identify with the character.

The language is engaging and easy to understand. I like your choice of words.

I would like it if your character was a little more in depth. He fits a certain stereotype of grandpa in my opinion.
One or the other characteristic that one remembers immediately, I would find good. That he usually wears a rock star wig and wonders why it's not on his head while he strokes his hair. That he plays sports in the garden every day, tripping over fallen fences and weeds. Stuff like that.

Love,
Evie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
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Review by Evie123
Rated: E | (3.5)
Good morning/lunch/evening,

thank you for sharing this work.

The title is well chosen.

It starts out interesting, you expect an argument, devastating news or maybe a funny punch line.

Unfortunately, the ending left me a little disappointed. It lacks a punch line, something that sticks in your mind.
But it is also an ending that shows that it is now finished.

The scene only triggered small feelings, I think you could increase that.

Maybe you could end with a striking sentence, like "after all these years, I realized for the first time that ..."

Love,
Evie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review by Evie123
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello!

I discovered your entry in the Flash Fiction Challenge and read it out of interest.

The title is well chosen, because it generates interest.

The text starts excitingly, you don't learn who the figure is and what it does, only that it leaves. You create a great atmosphere!

I like the open ending. It creates head cinema and one is curious how it continues. How would you feel about writing a second part?

Love greetings,
Evie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of DEATH HOTEL  
Review by Evie123
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Good morning/midday/afternoon/night,

I just read your poem. The following is my personal opinion and assessment.

My favorite verse of your poem is "To whom Lady Luck was always stingy." I like the wording and the personification.

I think the tiel is well chosen because the poem describes how the people who go to the Death Hotel no longer see opportunity and only have death as an event in front of them, partly because it redeems them.

I don't find the first verse exciting, but no one said the first verse had to be exciting. It certainly creates interest because, for example, the street name is not "Smith Street" but just "Lonely Street."

I think there's a punch line missing from the ending.

Overall, I feel the poem is sad. However, there is unfortunately some repetition, much of it indirect. You could shorten some stanzas away. I know it hurts, I would heartily recommend it, but it's your choice.

Also, I think that while the atmosphere is described, it could and should be clarified more.
Also, I think an example, just a verse or two long, would be appropriate.
Also still nice would be a more detailed description of the hotel, not just "losers go there," but "it's lonely and you hear footsteps at night. Some wish they were eaten up, then they would be redeemed."

Act as you always do: take out of my opinion what helps it, and ignore the rest

Kind regards,
Evie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
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Review of For you  
Review by Evie123
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good morning/lunchtime/evening,

I think your poem is very beautiful :)
My favorite line is the last one, as it contains a certain punch line, but I also like the one where the first person narrator smiles in pain.
The title fits your two-verse poem well, even though I'm sure there are thousands of poems with that title.
I think the first line/verse arouses curiosity and introduces the poem well.
I also like the ending, as it is "revealed" that the first person narrator is in love with the one being narrated. However, it is just not completely newly aired, since the title already gives it away a bit.
The poem is a mixture of sad and in love, which is both interesting and new. The feeling it triggers is therefore not clearly defined.
No parts were boring, slow, or uninteresting, which may be due to the length of the text.
I don't think anything needs to be changed, but if the title was underlined, I would like the poem more right away :)
The language is simple and also easy to understand, which is super suitable for international Writing.com.

I wish you continued success!
Evie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Evie123
Rated: E | (3.5)
Good morning/midday/evening,

thank you for sharing this poem.
I think the title is appropriate, although it doesn't hint at love. But then, this is what the cover does so it is not necessary.
I don't think the first line is quite appropriate as it only contains one name. It does not arouse curiosity nor is the name important to the rest of the poem.
You bring the proverb "practice makes perfect" to the point and also make a connection to love. I think your ending is very well done.
You use a lot of "tell." I know it's a poem, but I would find it much better if there was a "show" in some places. The last verse is, in my opinion, the one with the punch line and also the only one that really has "show" in it and where you can really imagine the situation.

Kind regards,
Evie
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Review of Jan. 13 Entry  
Review by Evie123
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed reading your entry.

I have been playing the piano for four years, but it is beginning to stop being fun. I have trouble with rhythm when I play the piano. I could therefore relate very well to the first paragraph.
I can't play any other instrument and find it interesting to read about your experiences.
I like your writing style.
Maybe you could make the title a little more interesting?

I wish you much success with your relationship with music and with writing!
Many greetings,
Ida
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Review of Magic Fairies  
Review by Evie123
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello.
I think your flash fiction is very well done. There is an atmosphere, a magic is just palpable. I find your choice of words appealing and very well done.
The flash fiction is entertaining and well suited for children.
Your flash fiction is (almost) all dialogue. Maybe you could add some descriptions of the fairies?
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Review of My life, a diary  
Review by Evie123
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing this piece with us!
I think your poem is very successful.
The metaphors make you think and the word choice draws you in. It creates a great atmosphere.
Good luck with more projects!
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Review by Evie123
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this poem.
I think it is beautiful.
The choice of words creates an atmosphere that fits what is happening and just enchants one to read on.
I wish you much success with more projects!
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