This made me smile widely from ear to ear. What a special moment you capture between you and your grandson. Good use of dialogue and surrounding imagery to create a special mood. And of course the ending is so special. Thanks for sharing!
Yes, please, SPRING do heed this poet's call! We need your color and your warmth to relieve us from our dreary winter. Nice piece, I didn't get my act together to enter the contest with It Begins as its prompt. I love that you chose Spring as the centerpiece for this item and really appreciate your descriptive language throughout.
An interesting and sad (but oh so true take) on how we deal with what we perceive as not worthy of belonging.. I like the melody and imagery on this piece.
I read this several times, turning down my background music to truly focus. It's a really interesting piece and I can see why you have this as lyrics. Would love to hear it to music. Anyway, I like the schizophrenic tension between what gives you joy and what tears your soul apart along with the dismay/frustration with what is common these days (people want to disappear.....right in the beginning....every sight of fear...") Clever, provocative, well done, more please :)
Clever format, a refreshing departure from the norm, that nicely emulates the amorphous forms that sunrises often take. I like your language/ and precise word choices to evoke crisp, compelling imagery and sensations in the reader. I particularly liked "I float on stardust"...Quite enjoyable indeed.
I like the understated stillness mixed with emotional tension in this piece and think your imagery is very effective and conjuring that response in the reader. I think my favorite line is "the moss soft beneath our feet as we run free", don't know why it just struck me. Grammatically the word tree's does not need apostrophe s. Nice work, thanks for sharing!
Ha! Nice working through the cramp to still generate a piece :) We've all been there and it seems the more we try sometimes the more we're stuck. Still, you managed forward momentum, good rhyming and some humor as well. Nicely done!
A clever and enjoyable read with a devilish twist. You managed to paint a vivid scene and effectively convey the wife's emotions while making the reader empathize with her plight. Do double check grammar and spelling - a few examples:
over flow should be one word.
Missing a word in this sentence - "She wanted to tear IT off the wall...."
Breath should be breathe
Tirade it THAT would ensue
My heart breaks for you and what you had to witness and what she had to suffer. I've watched my sister pass and it's a cruel experience for sure. I hope the creative process, during which you beautifully captured the depth of your love for Carol along with the even deeper depth of your own grief, provided some comfort in the ability to immortalize her via the written word and share your pain with others who offer heart felt condolences and love.
Indeed love is all of these glorious things! I like how you repeated the word Love in each of the three lines, emphasizing and keeping the reader's focus on it. The line that really caught me was 'a fledgling seed' because it truly is and, as the writer reminds us, requires nurturing in order to thrive. Thank you for reminding us how special love is. Cheers!
For someone who’s always lived near but never quite on the water I appreciate this piece. You very nicely painted a an effective picture of the impending storm. Loved the “crabification” of the boats, very clever and effective. Concise, crisp and compelling. I like how the last stanza emulates how quickly a storm goes from brewing to being there in a split instant. Thank you for sharing!
Bravo - what a fun read! I could practically hear the wolves’ howls and totally feel the tension and fear these ravenous carnivores evoked in their prey. Nice word choices throughout: lurking, scavenge, ravenous, quarry. Glad I stumbled upon this (via the Rate and Review tab). Keep up the great work!
Lovely imagery that is as crisp as the winter day you so cleverly describe. I really like the poem’s cadence as well. For me it actually evoked the image and tempo of falling snow. At first I felt the ‘sticks and stones’ stanza disrupted the rhythm but upon re-reading, it was fine and I loved the last line in that one. Oh! And nice nod to Robert Frost whose style in this poem you nicely emulated. Good piece, keep writing!
What a lovely tribute you your bride. I like how you personified and personalized a scene we’ve all taken in while strolling in a park observing nature and others in it. This made me smile 😊
I keep coming back to this piece, there’s something about it. I think it’s the rhythm - especially in the first paragraph - that indeed emulates a tribal dance. The stanza
Hear the eagle
See the sky
Trip with him dearly
But never ask why.
Really spoke to me and punctuates the sacred and mysterious nature of the journey one takes by answering the Indian’s call.
You dropped the apostrophe s in Indian’s after first line and didn’t capitalize in last stanza though did everywhere else. Animals also needs an apostrophe.
But enough of the grammar check the bottom line is I liked this a lot, thank you for sharing it!
Because you told me not to jump to conclusions I did not (other than to know it wasn't about a sexual advance). What fun! Indeed it wasn't until the last sentence that I knew - well done!!
I like the melancholy this piece evokes and wonder if with some wordsmithing it would be more powerful. Specifically, less use of the pronoun, something like:
The world engulfed him.
Surround by activity, immersed in sounds
playing the role of quiet observer.
A life void of caring
lacking in direction and goals...
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