*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/inkerod
Review Requests: ON
1,231 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of The well  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is good. It has the right amount of imagination and plausibility that can make a poem like this resonate and come alive. There are a couple of minor usage flaws, but that is about all that is wrong with it. If you really wanted to work hard on it, you could make this poem longer and just as well imagined so that it might find its way into an anthology. You could elaborate.
2
2
Review by tpaulter
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This intrigued me from the beginning. I began to look for a payoff early in the story. It needed a strong resolution. I don't know if it gave me that resolution. Sometimes when a person looks for a strong resolution in a story the payoff can be that there is no resolution. I'm not sure I got the full message of this story. It seems to have disparate elements in it. In the beginning, when the story speaks about the truth, it made me want some kind of great revelation in the story. Still, I wouldn't call this story a failure. It did hold my interest from beginning to end. It had the elements of mystery.
3
3
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked the first part of this poem. I liked the language and the imagery. But when you switch to writing about poaching it is abrupt. It is a change of tone that caught me unprepared. If you could transition more carefully into a condemnation of poaching it would help a lot. There are some really excellent aspects to this poem, but, in my opinion, you might work on that transition.
4
4
Review by tpaulter
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is good. It shows a lot of imagination, rendered in a way that is compelling. I like the concept of a hotel for the dead. It is a good springboard into other mysteries. You could do a lot with it. Any mistakes I've seen is that the prose could have been tightened up here and there. That will come with re-writing. You really got me with that last sentence. You set it up beautifully.
5
5
Review of Queen of Vice  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is powerful. I enjoyed it. I like the allusion to what is likely to happen in the future. It gives a feeling of finality. I don't know if the word "puerile" is right for this poem, because I think it means "boyish". (I couldn't find it in the dictionary.) You might could expand this and get a better story/poem. That's up to you.
6
6
Review of Samantha Rayne  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.5)
This got my attention and kept it. You pulled off a "willing suspension of disbelief" very well. I knew there was going to be a payoff early in the story, and you didn't let me down. There are a few minor flaws. You need to come up with another title for "sir". It didn't work for me. Also, your prose, while descriptive and evocative, can be improved. The grammar and usage are correct, but they're not concise. For instance, you could combine the second and third sentences to "My instincts tell me to keep moving through the dead of night." The other stuff in these two sentences are already known by the reader. There is a lot of this kind of thing in your writing. It doesn't ruin the story, but it still could be improved. This kind of prose takes work to develop, but it is worth it. I haven't really mastered it myself. Like I said, this got my attention and kept it. You maintained a high level of suspense throughout the story. It was a good read.
7
7
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem is good, but it is a little too long. You could pack it together tighter. It seems to sag here and there. You might also mention something about snarling dogs and bombs on the streets of Birmingham, Alabama. You might say something about people on both sides refusing to hate, particularly Martin Luther King, as a promoter of peace and understanding.
8
8
Review of Low Pressure  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
When I finished reading this I was wondering if it hearkened to the issue of women not getting their health complaints taken seriously when they go to the doctor. If it doesn't it should. That knife embedded in her leg really got my attention. Good job.
9
9
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.5)
This story drew me in. It piqued my curiosity very quickly. I was waiting for the "geagle" to play a dirty trick on Scally. You didn't disappoint. Something about Scally cries out to be tricked. I'm wondering what will happen in the next installment of this story.
10
10
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem has some strong points. I like the way you used the "ill" rhyme scheme, but I think you might have overdone it in places. I don't know about the phrase "blue planet windmill". It seems awkward. Also, I think the phrase "nil a pill" might be better as "not a pill". Still, this poem has an elegance to it that drew me in. It's good.
11
11
Review of You are Strong.  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem has some good stanzas in it. "And now he sits in a wet patch / In that stupid old chair / Confused, deaf, old, weak / Still holding the same blank, loveless stare." I liked that stanza a lot. It might be just me, but it seems like this poem could have more narrative flow. Sometimes it kind of stalls. Still, you do a good job of portraying a pathological relationship. You did that well.
12
12
Review of magpies  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is pretty creepy. It might be in my dreams if I go back to sleep tonight. I feel like it could be expanded, though. If you could maintain this mood in a story and not get repetitive you might have a classic horror story. You might say something about your mother's eyes flashing, or something. You can always hit a strong note doing things like that. I'm wondering if you are going to continue this story. I'll be looking for it.
13
13
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.0)
This story is a little over written. The first sentence is a big mess. You could cut out some words in it. Instead of writing "over the tops of the canopy of tall pine trees" it would probably be better just to write "over the tops of the tall pine trees". Parts of this are well imagined. I liked "The Cat's Book of Life". It's a nice note.
14
14
for entry "Chapter One
Review by tpaulter
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I think this succeeds in what it attempts to accomplish, but it is kind of melodramatic in the beginning. There weren't the underpinnings of a work of fiction yet. About all we know about the woman on the beach is that her name is Stacy. I like the contrast between the shooting of Stacy and the joy and elegance of the Christmas party.
15
15
Review of Just Another Walk  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like the rhythms in this poem. They are jangled, abrupt, but coherent and profound. It reminds me of a person in emotional turmoil walking city streets, glancing furtively at her surroundings. Personally, when I was young I preferred the beauty of the countryside to the city. As I am older I have come to love the beauty of the lights in the city too. I'd like to spend a couple of years in New York City, but I doubt if I will get the chance.
16
16
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.0)
I was immediately struck by the grim tone of this poem. It is the right tone for our situation with the Corona virus. You might have put something about a person having a cough and wondering if they should notify the authorities. I like the way you ask where we turn for help with this godawful virus. What is written here is good, but it might need a little work.
17
17
Review of Beneath this Mask  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
For the most part this is very well done. Very good writing. But the ending seems melodramatic to me. It caught me by surprise, and it seems to me that this is the type of story that doesn't lend itself to surprises. If you could find some way to redo the ending you'd have a real winner here. Also, you mind find something more poetic than "drop your mask". It's been used a lot. Those are just my thoughts. You can follow them or ignore them as you wish.
18
18
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.5)
The last line in this poem really got me. The notion of the sun being a benevolent, conscious entity suits a poem well. I notice that you impart a feminine identity to the sun. Chalk one up to the empowerment of women. I don't think the word "been" is necessary in the third line. I think the poem would work better without it. I'm wondering if you could expound on this. I'd like to hear more of it.
19
19
Review of Your Embrace  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This expresses some strongly felt emotion. I would have liked to hear a little heavy breathing in it, though. I would have liked to feel a heart pounding with passion, and feel some tender lips parting. Some of your writing slips away from the poetic to regular prose. I would like better phrases than "make my way in the world" and "knock me off my game". I have no doubt that you feel these things strongly, but you haven't really worked to express these feelings in poetry. Writing poetry can be torture. I believe the feelings contained in this work could make a good poem, but you haven't really taken the time to express them as poetry.
20
20
Review of This Pen for Hire  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.0)
This got my interest and kept it. As for your politics, it seemed to me that you were doing what you criticized the Republican party of - using fancy words with no substance to hoodwink the public. It seems like you can't avoid that in politics. A lot of people don't want substance. Adolph Hitler once quipped, "What luck for rulers that people do not think". Of course, we know what blind obedience got the Germans, with millions of their men dying in the bitter cold on the Russian steppe, and being bombed relentlessly, night after night, by allied bombers. In one raid the British killed more Germans in that single raid than British were killed during the entire four months of the Battle of Britain. A great many seek refuge in simplistic dogma as a way to promote themselves. It used to be very fashionable to rail against Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe, for its racism, but at that time Rhodesia was the bread basket of Africa. Everyone got a good education, and everyone was eating well. Now, with its original government overthrown, the whole country is on the verge of famine. Everyone is scratching and scraping for enough food to make it for one more day. A lot of what you write can be argued with. It's a standard argument among economists and money people that during times of economic contraction you should stimulate the economy with deficit spending, and pay off the deficit during times of plenty. The difference among them is that some just want to pour money directly, and some want to stimulate the economy through by cutting taxes. Your writing does have a lot of pep in it, and it held my interest, but I would like to see your political views mature.
21
21
Review of The Move  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (3.0)
This holds together thematically. A story about a cross country move can be very absorbing. I would have liked some more realistic detail, though. Show, don't tell. I would have liked to see snow skating across the highway, cold fingers being blown on to limber them up for driving, and cars that have slid off the highway into the ditch. If you want to pursue this story it will take some work.
22
22
Review of People melt too.  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.5)
The final sentence of this poem really set it off for me. The final sentence is what makes it good. Maybe, if you're feeling ambitious, you could elaborate on this poem. There is a lot of things you could do with it. You might try using the style of Edgar Allen Poe in your elaboration. It might work if you give it a try.
23
23
Review of Foresight  
Review by tpaulter
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This story is filled with originality. Reading it is like searching through a bag of candy. Some of it I liked. Some of it I had reservations about. It seemed like some of the analogies weren't as exact as I would have preferred. Still, reading it is an adventure, and I repeatedly had a sense of discovery as I read it.
24
24
Review by tpaulter
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This sounds like a very interesting contest. I'm feeling excited by it. One million gift points for first place! Wow! That's a lot of gift points. The picture/prompt has already gotten my creative juices flowing. There are some good writers on this site, so I'll have to be at my best.
25
25
Review by tpaulter
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is good. If there are any grammar or syntax mistakes in it I missed them. I haven't seen this movie, so I am at a disadvantage in plumbing the depths of your essay. I suppose a person could say that you spent too much time giving an outline of this movie, but since I haven't seen it I needed that outline. You have given me a large serving of food for thought for when I get to see this movie.
497 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 20 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/inkerod