The poem flows beautifully which although it seems ironic is hard to do with the stream of consciousness style. I would perhaps change some words you use peacch twice there are better words for describing skin colour, but its not that much an issue. Good poem well done.
This is a beautifully brutal poem its straight to the point. I love the use of antipathetical pairings a technique which Keats was fond of. Overall the poem has a very blood sweat toil and tears feel which I am absolutely here for.