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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/itsjomo
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5 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of The Blues Man  
Review by Jo
Rated: E | (4.5)
wow
love love love
only comment would be to possibly change the word 'legend' because it is a bit of a bland, overused word; possibly: a man of great infamy, a man renown for his practice.
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Review of I gladly would...  
Review by Jo
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your style is very interesting and minimal! :D
I would in fact suggest decreasing the amount of extra words.
For example,
Instead of: My heart hurts, 'Heart Hurts'
and instead of: I gladly would, 'gladly would'

Heart hurts
can't be there
need help
too far

Just an idea because it seems to compliment your style :)
Very sweet and emotional poem !
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Review by Jo
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, hello
Very interesting assignment with clear facts and interesting information.
The one note that I would make is that the mention of your husband having the condition may have been better suggested or mentioned closer to the beginning. It shows the persona's automatic bias towards the subject. When I first began reading your article I felt very much like I was reading the information from an objective perspective. Furthermore, I do not mean to be negative though I would like to mention that I felt that the second part of the article was more interesting since the first bit felt very list-like.
I enjoyed your use of the collective 'we' as well as the set-up of how conflicts were introduced and explained.
Content was believable, good sources though using references (by use of small numbers beside paragraphs adapted from specific sources) would have increased validity.
Of course, I am aware that you were likely given specific instruction from your lecturer and that changes your level of input.
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Review by Jo
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My entry for May 23rd - 384 words
"Consumer - ist
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