I really like your work, T. D. Roberts. Just the segment you chose to write about this story is perfect. It doesn't describe before, and it doesn't describe after, but in this segment it gives you a great idea of both. Putting it in paragraph form would have made it easier to read, but besides formatting suggestions I can't find anything wrong with this piece. I absolutely love it.
-JB
Cool story, I really liked it! It was indeed a very short story so it didn't develop characters very much, but the happiness that Billy felt on seeing Charlie was believable and emotional. The line "it had been weeks that Charlie has been in the hospital" was slightly awkward to read, I think because "has" is present tense, whereas the rest of the story is all in the past tense. But the story was entertaining. High marks from me, good work!
-JB
I really liked this piece! Peter is such a vivid, likable character to me and his inner thoughts seem very genuine and natural. Your description of Peter's father and Elliot's description of Darcy's hair were fantastic. You were able, in just a few words, perfectly convey those ideas. I did have two problems with it:
1: Based on the language I'm not sure that an 'E' is the appropriate rating for it
2: The use of the italicized paragraphs didn't seem consistent to me, and so I think I missed their meaning.
I think my favorite thing about this short story is how you use Peter's guilt to make the reader think he had an active part in Elliot's death. In the end, it almost seems like a happy ending to find out Peter's true role though. Great work!
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