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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jaytalon98
Review Requests: OFF
29 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I always add both positive and constructive comments to all of my reviews. I'm fast and thorough, and I fulfill any and all specifications in the review request. I'm willing to review ANYTHING without a bias, or judgements on the nature of a piece of work. Please send me an email to my offsite email as well as sending a request because I forget to check here as often. I will get to your request if you send me an offsite email at jayfeather1998@gmail.com. If you contact me with a reminder that you sent me a request I'll get right on it!!!
I'm good at...
Specifically, I'm good at reviewing fiction and topic heavy material, such as short stories or prose. I'm adequate at poem construction, however, it is slightly more subjective and without knowing the writer's intentions it makes it difficult to critique properly.
Favorite Genres
Most anything
Least Favorite Genres
Nonfiction or editorial subjects like product reviews
Favorite Item Types
Interactive, short story, static
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays, articles
I will not review...
anything that is needlessly political, or offensive regarding racism or bigotry.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Porcelain  
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: E | (4.5)
First off, wonderful job. I love the flow of your poem, and the way it sounds to the mind's ear. That considered, you may wish to improve some sticky parts, such as "and love gravity" which is a great sentence, however, it's difficult to read with the same flow as the rest of the poem. the same issue arises with the phrase, "weightlessly carefree" both of which could be improved by adding an "is" or "and" in their respects.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Comments:
I really like your story so far. It's going in a good direction and I'd like to read more as you write it. I think your writing could also benefit from a bit more description. Try to slow your writing down and describe things a bit more.

Grammar:
As far as I noticed, it was very well written. I don't notice any prominent grammatical, punctuation, or spelling errors.

Ideas/Content:
You need to give some more information on your characters, and allow us to learn more about them. Other than that, I love it! Continue writing my friend.

~Jaytalon98
3
3
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: XGC | (3.0)
The only things in your list i don't do are breath play and death O.o
4
4
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oh my god.......................

Comments:
I loved it....it took a terrifying saw-like quality towards the end. Really creepy and really morbid. I like it.

Grammar...etc:
Same as last time, awesome.

Ideas and content:
Creepy, morbid and spine chilling. I like it a lot. :) i want you to continue writing. This is very interesting. It's waaaaaay better than the prologue.


~Jaytalon98
5
5
Review of Giantess Ideas  
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like it! But I'm a bit confused as to where your story idea is. I do like your girls and their descriptions, you must have put a lot of effort into them. They're really detailed, and I really appreciate that in character descriptions. I think it would be more beneficial to you though, if you added some plot ideas as well.
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Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: GC | (5.0)
Yay! This was yet another one of your amazing writings! You did a great job like last time, and just like I said a while ago, there was little to no physical errors to be seen. You have an amazing tone and an arousing story in general.

One thing to point out though, is in your first paragraph, on the tied and fourth lines you said, "fuck fuck fuck fuck." <not exact quote. This was a little bothersome, as someone typically says, "fuck", once, three times, five times, or more. If you tried to say, "fuck" four times only, you would find it fairly difficult to not go over or under without concentrating.*

*my opinion only, please don't yell at me
7
7
Review of Good morning!  
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: GC | (5.0)
Wow. Just wow.

You are a fantastic writer.

You have little to no spelling, grammatical, or punctual errors. You also have great voice in your writing. Your theme, and ideas are great. The whole of your story is generally amazing!

There is only one thing I think you might want to change, and its the second person format. I think that it might benefit the story a little more to be either third or first person.

*this is my opinion, please don't yell at me
8
8
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a bvery interesting poem, and you can't believe how gloriously happy I am, that it didn't rhyme, have strange/frilly font, or was centered. Yours has perfect format, but what your lacking in is content. Your poem lacks emotion. It makes me feel like your trying to teach us a class, you need to let the words flow. Let them seep onto the paper like the ink flowing from a brand new quill.
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Review of My Life is a Lie  
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: | (5.0)
I LOVE YOUR POEM!!!!!!!!! You didn't rhyme, have frilly font, or even center it! For this I love you. Those are the worst mistakes in a poem you could make! Right now, you have a magnificent poem. PLEASE do NOT edit this! You don't even need to touch it up. You do NOT want it to be 'artificially flavored' so to speak do you?
10
10
Review of Silent Rain  
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: E | (5.0)
YOUR POEM IS FANTASTIC!!!!! IT DIDN'T RHYME, IT WAS FORMATTED RIGHT, IT WAS EVEN IN NORMAL FONT!!!!!! You have got to be my favorite poem...like...ever! You have such feeling and grace, lots of emotion, but it feels real. It doesn't have that...artificial flavoring if you will. You wrote this poem with your heart not your head and I congratulate you. Now as a tip, make your sentences more abstract. Make people search for the meaning in your work.
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Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
WHY DOES EVERY HUMAN BEING BELIEVE THAT ALL POEMS HAVE TO RHYME?!?!?!?!? Poems are expression! If you try and force it, it is no longer a pure expression. It becomes less true emotion. It still has feeling but it loses its pure, essence. You should start just writing as you feel, the fixing little things. Keep the original feeling behind it. Also, have your poem formatted left edge to center. It becomes more professional.
12
12
Review of Sad Is The Case  
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: E | (4.5)
FANTASTIC!!!! You have a beautiful poem here, though your format is lacking. YOU CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE HOW HAPPY I AM THAT YOU DIDNT RHYME!!!! It's crazy really. Your structure and content are amazing, but if I were your teacher, I would say to drop the fancy font and have it formatted to the left, by doing this you get a more professional poem structure. Yours is by far the best poem I've seen all this year.
13
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Review of Sad Word Goodbye  
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: E | (3.5)
You have a wonderful poem going for you, but, try to make things flow more. It's seems like your trying to force the words to come, relax and let them come to you. You must stop that horrible rhyming. Rhymes are the fuel of a child's nursery rhyme book and nothing more. Unless this is a poem for a child, refrain from rhyming. Also, the type in the center...it is more professional to have it written from left edge to center. You have a wonderful pice going, I can't wait to see its epic final.
14
14
Review of Nel the Pixie  
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I like how well your story is going so far. You have nice lengths, but they could be longer. This seems like a very fun story, and it has fantastic potential. I can't wait to see how better it can get. Specifically, you should get more detailed. Describe her feelings and her surroundings more.
15
15
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Your chapters are so long! It's fantastic! I've read too many stories where the chapters are two or three lines, but this is great! I like your ideas, they have some great starting points, but if I may ask, is this going to continue, just as a long story about eating?
16
16
Review of Mother and Son  
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You have a great potential story going here, and I think it has a good future, but its starting to lose interest. You need something more exciting, maybe some rebellion on miles' part. At least give it some more...oh I don't know...action. That is my constructive criticism for today.
17
17
Review by ~Jaytalon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Your writing is awesome! I'm living your stories, but can you add more to this line?
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