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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jdennis01jaj
Review Requests: OFF
403 Public Reviews Given
407 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style will change to conform to the needs of the work. If I find no grammatical issues, I move on to something else and will always concentrate on the requested aspects of the piece per the author's instructions. I enjoy reviewing others' work.
I'm good at...
Helping with descriptive phrasing, less capable in grammar, and always aspiring to be honest yet polite. I feel that those who concentrate on criticizing are compensating for something lacking in themselves.
Favorite Genres
Literary, SciFi, Fantasy, Horror, and almost anything I'm requested to do.
Least Favorite Genres
X rated. Other than that, I haven't met one yet.
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Novel chapters, etc.
Least Favorite Item Types
Poems, because I know very little about that art. However, I am very willing to give my impression of a poem. I just make no promises as to how helpful it will be.
I will not review...
X rated or anything over a rating of 18+
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Right Words  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Stricuckoo,

I'm not a poet, so what I have to say will not be much help to you in that endeavor. However, when I read a poem that creates emotion within me as I read, I relate that. Your words may not come easy, but they are well chosen and placed in this little jewel. Since I share the sentiment of your poem in that I love my wife too, each word you chose was placed with emotion familiar to me. I found myself seeing her face in my mind as I read, so as I finished, I immediately rose from my chair and found her in the kitchen.

That is inspiration. Congratulations, you wrote something that moved someone.

jdennis
2
2
Review of Can I ?  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Elby,

I will have to apologize for my reply about acceptance of this review. I didn't know your piece was a poem. I'm completely lacking in knowledge of the mechanics involved in this magical art, so I cannot comment on those attributes.

After reading this short package of wisdom, might I say that I, for one, discovered commonality in your words. If only we all could strive for the same results this world would be much the better for the effort.

Please. Keep writing. You have a talent for loading each word placed on the page with emotion. Regret. Hope. And a will to succeed.

jdennis
3
3
Review of The Watercourse  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
W.D.,

This story was gripping as you led me through it with gentle nudges, which kept me under a cloud of suspense during the entire journey. I don't know what else to say, but this is a job well done. I saw no apparent issues with grammar, no cracks in the voice, and the pace of the story kept the reader following each word and phrase with a hunger for what was to come. I especially enjoyed the ending. The children should always survive.

All in all, it was a most enjoyable tale.

I will read the others later. It may be a few days...possibly a week.

Thank you for the read,

jdennis
4
4
Review of Double Wide  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Huntersmoon,

This is a lovely love poem. Until the end. When the protagonist loses his cart of beer. Who would abandon a shopping cart full of beer for the love of their life, no matter what degree of sexual elation awaits? You embody the Southern Gentleman in this poem. And the image you chose to depict your story fills my heart with memories of my youth. Or maybe it was my trip through Walmart last week.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it. The enjoyment was mine.
5
5
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Alright! This I connect with. Although I live in the Southern U.S., we still have snow occasionally. When I was in college, about one hundred and fifty years ago, this same situation fell upon me. Performance. That is the measure of a man, but that night, the man I was at twenty years of age never had a chance. We lay in the snow, unbuckled and unaroused until the beautiful young lady said: "Why don't we go to your apartment? I would feel more comfortable under the warmth of the covers inside your bed.

We did, and the night became unmeasurable and exclusive in the turbulent memories I hold today at the ripe old age of seventy-two.
6
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Review of Crisps  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, Kotaro, this poem is an epic tale compressed into a short but delectable experience with a strike like lightning, leaving the reader's eyes wide-opened and the journey still before him as his mind churns its way through your work. The images poured through me as I read--great job. Keep up the good work. I will read more.
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Review of Percy's Night Out  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review of “Percy’s Night Out”

Written By: Beholden

Reviewed By: jdennis



To begin with, your writing, as always, is what I call CCC or Crisp, Clean, and Clear. Always a pleasure to read. I also admire your ability to assign unique names to your characters: Percival McNaughton (Percy) is a great name. I usually name my characters John, Joe, or Bill, probably due to a lack of imagination.

In your opening paragraph, you begin with the introduction of the character and at once interject a question in the reader’s mind. “The weight of the day...” It immediately tickled my curiosity about what was to come, but I did not notice what sponsored that tickle until I stopped and reread the paragraph. And then came another push to read on. Something was going to happen “tonight.” Damn good opening.

Next, you introduce “setting” and a supporting character, “Hargreaves,” the butler, and the image you conjured stuck with me through the rest of the story...as I watch him “set off down the drive.”

At this point, you build tension by filling in some whispers of “background” and “setting” to tickle the reader’s curiosity and mood further, creating tension.

Then...the change. (Good timing.) And, I might add, a visually exciting depiction of the changes taking place. I saw it all in my mind’s eye. One suggestion here (construction and please ignore if not your style) in this sentence: “He was well on his way to being full when he heard the noise of a twig being snapped in the darkness in front of him.” submitted as a suggestion because I could not resist: “He was well on his way to being full when (a twig snapped, bringing his attention to the darkness in front of him)” If it is not you, ignore it, but when I read the original, I stopped for a split-second.

I love that last sentence. It brings the reader back to Earth with a smile on his face. Great job!



jdennis
8
8
Review of Encounter  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Beholden,

I must plead my lack of intelligence, recognition, and understanding. The story is filled with emotion, but the feeling seems muted or maybe just beyond my grasp. As I said after my initial read, there is a sense of love or affection in these 422 words. I know the main character becomes enthralled by the mysterious woman. However, she seems to be a statue, emotionless. And the greens and yellows create an image of the Statue of Liberty in my mind. That would also explain the people (crowd) flowing around her.

I'm afraid I'll have to admit that I'm not a good interpreter of symbolism. I believe you've done an excellent job here; I can't help you improve it. I apologize.

I owe you another review since I failed in this one. Let me know what you might have that someone of my limited intelligence can handle.

jdennis (Dennis)

This item's rating is due to the talent shown in the writing of it.
9
9
Review of Stranger  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Eight-7,

The first two sentences of your story are perfect. They grab the reader's attention and draw them into the story. The next sentence should be worked on a little. Something like: (This town, whatever its name, seemed tucked away between nowhere and forgotten about.) Something in fewer words that gets the reader to the point faster. It's a great sentence, just work on it.

Here: Scenery in front of him smeared into a blur and his mind fell into deep thought. I would suggest:Scenery in front of him smeared into a blur (as) his mind fell into deep thought. (just a one-word change, but, for me anyway, makes it read smoother.)

This beginning is actually very good and grabs the reader's attention. The undertone is ominous of a continued story where redemption is sought and the reader wants to continue. All in all, I'd say a good beginning.

I've given you a couple of insignificant word changes that, in my opinion as a reader, make the read flow a little smoother. On a rewrite I'm sure you will find more. Keep writing. You have talent.

jdennis
10
10
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Riley,

Very good imagery. Your dialogue seems comfortable between a group of friends. However, this chapter left me with many questions which need to be resolved for the entire story to come together. You should provide more information, even for a chapter in a novel or novella. Where, Why, Who, and What are these characters up to, where is the story going, and what is the focus of this chapter? I understand that much of this may have been presented in earlier chapters, however, when someone picks up the book in the store to see if they like it, they need to feel comfortable. If they are lost, you may lose them.

Your writing is clear, concise, and I believe you possess the talent needed. Take a little more time in each chapter to make your customer feel at home and explain where you are taking them.

jdennijs
11
11
Review of Under one roof  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Aurora,

Personally, I found this a touching, well-crafted poem. I cannot claim to understand much about the mystical art of crafting poetry, so my opinion may not help you, however, I know when something has warmed my heart. "Under one roof" has accomplished that task. Please continue creating, polishing, and repolishing your work so that everyone may feel the warmth in your heart crawl up their spine as I did.

jdennis
12
12
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent beginning to a much longer story. If I were you or you were me, I'd sit down every evening and drain my heart into the computer where this story would come to life. Everyone becomes absorbed in an intimate, personal, and personally relatable story. Everyone past the age of fifteen has a "Life" experience similar to what you have begun to write about in this snippet. And you have done well in capturing "this" reader's interest. Therefore, I would believe that my being in the mid-range of average, you could entice many a reader with an introduction to a story like this.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it. I hope you continue here at WDC and hear more about this story.

jdennis
13
13
Review of First Snippet  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Anveshana,

You have placed your finger on the pulse of our hopes and dreams in the writing genre. Most "writers" only become read when they are published, so in today's educated public, a large percentage of the population seeks publication. There are so many seeking publication that a very large portion of them, by necessity, will fail. That is why "we" should not fear failure but instead keep writing until only our readers (ourselves or our spouses) see something good in what we write. Success is success, no matter the volume. If anyone else reads our work and enjoys the moment, relish that warmth of achievement. Don't spit it out of your mind like rotten meat or soured fruit.

As for what you have achieved by your writing of "First Snippet?" You should relish the warmth of a certain achievement. I don't give flattery in my reviews, so believe what I tell you.

jdennis
14
14
Review of Volume  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think...no one ever wins. Even when we think we win, we lose. Your short conversation makes that obvious. Two people only win when they see each other and love the other as they love themselves. If one of the two has no love for themself, there is no hope. We only see each other when our eyes are wide open, not glazed over by infatuation. Instead, affection and maybe love only blossom when the air is clear between the two, and we realize that what we "actually" see is no worse than who we actually are.
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Review of A fine line  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! For such a short piece, this story certainly packs a punch. You utilized every perfect word in exactly the proper place, leading the reader through your tale like the breadcrumbs in the fantasies of years gone by. You have great talent. Please keep writing and push yourself out of your comfort zone in your writing and in the exploration of avenues for publishing. I'm not published, but I have been reading for over six decades, almost seven, and during that time, I have developed a pretty good eye for talent among writers. You have that talent.

jdennis
16
16
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
quiltingmama,

I'm not an emotional animal; I'm a man. However, your little story "An Old Christmas Card" almost made me tear up. I would have never told you if it had, but let's just say that emotions welled inside me during the read. And the aftermath settled into a calm, satisfied comfort as I shook my head and mumbled to myself, "good job." You squeezed every bit of emotion out of these 993 words and left me with pleasant thoughts for my dreams this evening.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

jdennis
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Review of Future Dreams  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow! Excellent, my friend. I’m not sure what “steampunk” is, but you write it well. The language sounds like the mid-nineteenth century, as does the background science, with gears and wheels turning instead of microchips and circuit boards or something even more advanced visible inside the servant's chest.

No matter, the story includes all the essential mechanical structures and reads extremely well. I found myself devouring the story to the end and hoping for more. What else can you ask of a story? So, is there a follow-up? Does the story continue? If so, I am extremely interested in reading more.

I noticed no major grammatical errors. Nothing jumped out at me as unnatural or distracted me from the reading. All and all, my friend, I believe you have mastered “steampunk” with this reader. The audience may not agree with my evaluation as if my memory serves me in this matter. The target audience is much younger. I read a few of these stories several years ago, and your story rivals the published stories I read at the time. If I were you, I would continue to hone these talents. It could be profitable.

I feel like a fan writing a "fan letter," but I'm giving my gut reaction to the story, so enough said. Good job.

jdennis
18
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Review of Gone Fishing  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! My friend, you have captured much emotion in this story. Your prose knit a tapestry of youthful curiosity, ancient rage baffled by emergent technology, and the course of nature when they all meet. The outcome is unexpected but a relief when innocence triumphs as nature cheers and the curtains close across life's calm but rapid current.
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Review of Toe in the Water  
for entry "What Now?" 
Review by jdennis
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I watched my first Baseball game in the early 1950s on a television with an eight-inch, round screen. Everything looked hazy in a myriad of shades of Grey. I saw something moving but wasn't sure if it was the windup for the pitch, the runner on second taking off for third, or a fan falling onto the field. At the time, we lived in Bitburg, Germany.

Five or six years later, we lived in Salida, California, and I watched Saturday morning cartoons with Princess Dorella on a fifteen-inch (black and white) television. Before we left California in the early sixties, the world of television was in brilliant color.

You have a great point here, Beholden. Hang onto it, let it grow, nurture it, and someday it will be History for some young children to read about in school.
20
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Review of Man of the Forest  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
That is a perfect analogy for our present predicament. Or should I say the perfect allegory of present-day US? We, as a nation, seem to be complacent in the face of great danger from many directions. We are threatened from within by political extremes that will probably morph our political system into one of several bad options. At the same time, our political parties examine each other’s flaws with myopic recorders to catch and record the opposition’s mistakes. I’ve been on this Earth for seventy-one years. I’ve seen much more of politics than I ever wanted to see. However, today it doesn’t look like politics anymore. It seems like the preambles of revolution. Let’s hope something changes, or this country may be split into as many splinters as Europe is.
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Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Naomi,

This is a beautiful exposition of your family life and, in the end, how you allocate your time. However, I saw no time specifically allotted for your husband. Did you forget him?

This is a heartwarming divulgence of your family and your life. I know of no better subject for the written word. Thank you for sharing.

May you see nothing but happy days. Life is the most precious gift to those who search every moment for happiness.


jdennis
22
22
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
omstar,

I've been there, and you captured the moment with extreme ease. I am jealous. As I read each word, this entire scene came to life inside my mind. I devoured its intent with ravenous glee even as the child pulled at the last bit of hair on my head. It was short but sweet and filled with emotion, showing life as it exists in many kitchens worldwide.

Thank you.

jdennis
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Review of Our Daily Rain  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, I have never thought of the rain this way. In the United States, rain is always cursed, always avoided, and never enjoyed by most who are in too much of a hurry to get somewhere, to do something that none remember after the day. Tomorrow it is supposed to rain. I think I will go for a stroll, with my umbrella of course.

Beholden, thank you for this insight into another existence, and the feel of this simple, but enjoyable feeling.
24
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Review of The Tokoloshe  
Review by jdennis
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
When I first started reading the story, I felt as if something was slightly amiss. I crawled through the first couple of paragraphs before I realized, “Dennis, you idiot—the ‘voice.’” That was when I finally recognized the nuances of the narrator’s dialect and “voice,” which varied ever so lightly from English as spoken in my part of the United States. Especially here in Alabama, where I am presently located. “Ya know, ya’ll?”

After I slapped myself on the forehead, I began to feel and comprehend the story with those tiny variations in the language, and it revealed a viewpoint slightly unfamiliar and new but amazingly comfortable and exciting to visualize. I witnessed the rest of the story through those unfamiliar yet now comfortable eyes. That has happened to me only a few times before. Less than three times before.

That was when the Tokoloshe came to life. That “voice” imbued the story with an “angle” of believability with a completely foreign animal never before imagined by this reader, and I read a lot of Science Fiction and Horror with unimaginable creatures. I read that genre mainly because my education and past career were based on the sciences.

This story feels more mythical because the tokoloshe seemed an Impish being after the read. In the beginning, I read it as less dangerous, almost cuddly. Yet you lead me through the transition smoothly, making the surprise at the end even more impactful.

Thank you for the enjoyable read. Keep writing, and I’ll stop by every once in a while, and see what’s new.

jdennis
25
25
Review by jdennis
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
K5Rakitan,

I agree. It is my opinion that you are spot-on-correct in this assumption. It would have been almost impossible for a female carrying more than one infant to outrun a predator on all fours or escape by climbing a tree without losing one or all of her offspring. Which baby to drop? Which one to go back for? Those losses or decisions would have led to a large segment of the female population crossing their legs at night. So the female is the only rational originator of bipedal travel. And our male pride required us to follow suit and, I’m sure, attempt to take credit for that evolutionary trait.
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