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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jdennis01jaj
Review Requests: ON
278 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style will change to conform to the needs of the work. If I find no grammatical issues, I move onto something else, and I will always key on requested aspects of the piece per the author's instructions.
I'm good at...
Helping with descriptive phrasing, less capable in the realm of grammar, but always aspire to be honest yet polite. I feel that those who concentrate on criticizing are compensating for something, which is lacking in themselves.
Favorite Genres
SciFi, Fantasy, Horror, Country, and almost anything else I'm asked to do.
Least Favorite Genres
X rated. Other than that, I haven't met one yet.
Favorite Item Types
Short Story, Novel chapters, etc.
Least Favorite Item Types
Poems, because I know very little about that art. However, I am very willing to give my impression of a poem. I just make no promises as to how helpful it will be.
I will not review...
X rated or anything over a rating of 18+
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
s.z.kamoonpuri,

Your poem, "Mini earthquake experiences," was a pleasure to read. You added a bit of humor to what must have been a nerve-racking experience. Your vivid descriptions of shaking walls and the earth itself conveyed the helplessness one must feel in a situation like that. I was once in an earthquake, but I was very young and have not retained a vivid enough memory to remind me of how frighteningly helpless it must leave people. Your poem helped me to recapture those memories and bring home the fears the situation invokes.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it. And thank you for reading and reviewing my only poem.

jdennis

jdennis
2
2
Review of Imperfect  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wickedfugitive,

I have never been a big fan of poetry, but this piece grabbed me as I have ghosts of my own. They never see the light, but they exist none the less. I believe we all have these apparitions from the life already lived, a past which cannot be retrieved no matter the intensity of desire. These can only be written about and you perform that task very well here, so, keep writing and posting and I will keep reading.

You have talent my friend. You have become one of my "Favorites."

jdennis
3
3
Review of Break the Chains  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
T.A. Brooks,

A riveting story revealed with vivid imagery. If I were you, I would continue the story as far through the twisted telling as your muse will lead you. I believe you could get this published if you are as bold as the character whose story you tell. Be that bold.

I look forward to the further adventures. I am jdennis, let me know if you write more, and I will let you know if you continue to bare the same standard.

jdennis
4
4
Review of Appy Days  
Review by jdennis
Rated: E | (5.0)
omstar,

Been there, done that. Only I was a guy, and she was a girl. When I got to the entrance/exit, I saw another girl standing near the door with a red rose, and she was beautiful. I stepped up and said, "I believe you're waiting for me."

I enjoyed your short-short story. I saw no flaws grammatically or any other way. You should add to it until it becomes a best seller—"A Mistaken Affair or Was It?"

jdennis
5
5
Review of The Feud  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
StephanieHazel,

Your short-short is very well written. I saw not glaring grammar issues. Your voice is attention grabbing and shows me the action instead of telling me what is happening. You have included all of the necessary plot components including an immediately involving descriptive opening that transitions into the story of how the character arrived in the situation where we find her. Then draw us to the realization at the end, which, when resolved, informs us of the true crux of the story.

This is a wonderful job accomplished in so few words.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

jdennis
6
6
Review of My Faith  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
lisanoe,

Your poem "My Faith" is uplifting and I discovered a positive attitude as I read. Please keep writing and believe me, I will be back to your portfolio for more.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

jdennis
7
7
Review of I wish to fly  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
beulin,

I must confess that I am not a poet nor am I capable of structuring or composing poetry. However, I was paging through Read&Review when I found your poem and your opening stanza caught my attention. Your poem is wonderfully uplifting and makes me wish that I could fly. Even though I am afraid of heights. You make the experience seem so inviting, whimsical like something out of a dream. Very good job.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

jdennis
8
8
Review of The Day Begins  
Review by jdennis
Rated: E | (4.0)
mythmystery,

This short conversation yields quite a lot of story. There once was a god who wished to be a feline and got their wish only to find themselves trapped in a cat. Your version supplies all the necessary elements of a story though. You give us a setting, the emotional regret felt by the trapped immortal and the little bit of a last jab by the suffering deity before at his mortal companion.

Very enjoyable and I hope you expand upon this in a larger version. If you do, please let me know.

shared Power Group image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

jdennis

jdennis
9
9
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Miranda,

I love this poem. You wrap it in reality, but when we look inside the wrapping we find horror. Step by step. Line by line. You lead the reader to an experience that leaves him with a chill dribbling down his spine.

In other words, you quickly envelop the reader in a moment of terror and lead them into a horrific, yet not quite resolved ending, which leaves the door open. Could he have fought them off and escaped or was he consumed?

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

** Image ID #1900351 Unavailable **

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

jdennis
10
10
Review of Well Risen  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
cdcraftree,

This is a wonderful short-short depicting an unexpected trip to the mechanic's shop. Kind of like an unexpected trip to the Dentist, there is some trepidation involved. Throughout the story you keep the mood high and the tickle of laughter lays beyond every turn. The path you create leads the reader through a comical journey to a satisfying conclusion.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

A shared review image

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

jdennis
11
11
Review of Scorpio  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Kate Connors,

You envelop the reader in the story from the beginning with your main character at their side. This inclusion of the reader into the story is a critical point of success, which most newbie-writers tend to miss. Your writing style is geared toward that end. Always write with imagery and inclusion as you set the stage for the story to progress in the background. Many new writers do not understand that point and give in to the tendency to "tell" the story instead of letting it unfold in front of the reader.

I especially appreciated the inclusion of the secondary character of "Sue." That character yeilds a backstop on which the main character can expand ideas to the reader. Good job.
You kept this reader, a highly critical reader I might add, involved and expectantly anticipating the "feed" until the very end. That hasn't happened in a long time.

The ending was somewhat expected, but that is mainly because of decades of experience. I found a few minor grammar issues, which I will be happy to supply if you want. However, it did not diminish the read. But you might want to know this due to the pickiness of editors these days.
Scorpio, I believe you are a very talented young writer and would love to read more of your work. If you need help with anything in the future, please do not hesitate to contact me—also, good luck with the flight school. The next time I am flying, I will pray that someone of your caliber is at the wheel.

I give you a 4.5 because there is always room for improvement. Find it, fill it, make it the "Best," and then submit it.

jdennis (Dennis to all who know me)
12
12
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Noreen,

Your poem is very touching. I could feel your anguish, your sense of helplessness as I read what you wrote. Keep writing. Keep releasing your frustration with the cruelty life eventually holds for us all. Continue to let your emotions control what you write. The release is why we all do it. Why we write. It is to let that pent up emotion out more than to please others. So, let it out.

jdennis
13
13
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Schnujo,

Found this on Random Review, and with it, I found a sliver of impetus that I needed most during my current collapse of inspiration and resolve to write. I forgot to look for the words. Instead, I looked for the prize at the end of the tunnel. The story completed. I remember now that with each sitting, we grasp one word at a time, placing them carefully with gentle intent, massaging each for the proper tense, placement, while pinching away the dead, useless, foliage to expose the heightened essence of each one. Only then do we "create." That is when we create effect and imagery. The cloud of illusion formed into a story—a tale, that stirs behind each eye that falls upon it. Hopefully, we scar the surface of their being with a memory, a feeling, or a dream.

Thank you for reminding me. You always do.

Your friend,
jdennis (Dennis)
14
14
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
neilclair13,

Incantations-Chapter Three

Below I have included some suggestions on rewording, grammatical issues, and possible word choice replacements in areas that caught my attention as I read your story. I would like you to know upfront that I enjoyed your story. Ergo, I felt it was worth the effort to attempt to help you.

I'm no expert and don't profess to be one. However, you do seem to struggle some in your presentation. If you do not wish to accept my help, I hope you continue to seek advice on WdC as there are many here with a plethora of knowledge.
What I propose below may not suit your tastes, but that was not my point in presenting the information. I only wished to give you an example of how to express the message you are attempting to convey to your reader.


Read the examples I have given and then utilize your own words to clarify what your intent was. My suggestions are stated in the manner that I would word them. Not correct, not perfect, not even necessarily desired, just my feeble attempt to convey a message to an audience.

One last suggestion: I would change the name of your main character. (Although, you probably already know this) Because it is too close to the Potter figure of famed renown.


The fear and regret that was trapped inside of me grew when I opened my eyes to my father looking at me with worry.Shame and regret grew inside me as I opened my eyes to my father, staring at me with concern. All I remembered was yelling at my dad and Barbara for getting married(.) Then and my memory recalls me looking I found myself staring down at my dad from six feet in the air and yelling, "I can't!" Everything else felt like a blurry dream.


"So, you don't remember anything else?" my father sighed. I shook my head sluggishly. My father looked at me in despair and walked across the room to a wooden shelf. I laid was laying down on a table which was covered with (a) smooth, silk cloth. It felt soft(,) and it calmed made me calm. I looked around(,realizing) and realized that we were in the attic, which I had have been in visited only twice in my life. The first time I was six years old and my mother had sent me to get a box for her. She said the box contained ancient artifacts from our ancestors. I was really excited to see what was inside because(,at the time,) back then I was a very curious child(.) but Unfortunately, we never found it.

(new paragraph)The second time was when we were prepping my grandmother's funeral six years ago. She wanted requested to be buried with a picture frame of one of her best friends. When I saw the picture, I was confused because there was no one else in the photo other than my grandmother holding a black top hat in her left hand. Now, after finding out the truth about myself and my family, I now understand everything clearly.

"What happened to Barbara?" I asked, cluelessly. My father turned around to face me, sighed(,) and continued stretching for a box on the shelf. He grunted once he realized that he could not reach it. He took a step back and started whispering a chant, " Carum duce me ad hoc perducere animos dimisit." Suddenly, the cardboard box began floating and moving lifted into the air and floated towards my father until it was snug it inside his arms. I stood there in awe and shock. "Couldn't you just use the ladder?" I asked.

"This is easier," my father replied.

"Speaking of, what was that?" I questioned.(I don't understand this question. Is it, "Speaking of—what was that?" or "Of what are you speaking?"????)

"I will explain in a minute. Do you remember the box that your mother sent you to retrieve ten years ago?" (Why would he remember a box his mother sent him to retrieve ten years ago? If there is a reason he would remember something that occurred that long ago, include it so that the reader will understand.)

"Umm... yeah(,) but we never found it," I mentioned. (Maybe: "Umm, do you mean the one we never found?" That would help to explain why he would remember such an incidental occurrence.)

"That's because your mother forgot to tell you that it was hidden;(.)p Placed under a spell called 'Invisibilia.' If y You're smart enough, you'll know to understand that it means 'Invisible,'" my father explained, " We placed it under the Invisisblia spell because a couple days before you were sent to get retrieve it, because a group of our past enemies were after sought the containments inside the box."

I remained silent as my father continued to explain the importance of the so-called "De Antiquis Box" which is Latin for Box of Ancients.

"So, is that the box you are holding?" I queried.

(new paragraph) My father nodded.

(new paragraph)"Well, it doesn't look all that special to me. It looks like a regular cardboard box." I exclaimed.

"Ah! That's where you are mistaken. It may look like a regular cardboard box(,) but beneath it all is something extraordinary," my father excitedly announced as he swirled his hands above the box. A mysterious mist covered the box in a rotative direction. A mysterious haze whirled above the box's lid. It smelt like burning smoke(,) but it looked like a soft, silk blanket covered with pixie dust. Soon, the mist faded(,) and it revealed revealing something that was indeed extraordinary.

It was a leather box with three compartments. There was one at the very top and two on the front. My father opened the top compartment(chamber.) and I looked inside. There were so many things inside(,) that small box and there was still extra space remaining at the bottom. I pulled out the first thing I saw; a tiny book. As I took lifted it(,) out, it the book grew bigger into a huge bible-size chronicle. I looked at it and read the title aloud, " The Ancient Book of Incantations and Procedures of Enchantment: Volume 2, by James C. Cauldron." I was elated. so happy. I had no idea that there were multiple parts to that the book. "Oh my gosh! Volume 2? How did you-"

"James Cauldron is your great, great, great uncle," my father informed me. interrupted.

"How many sections are there? Do you have them all?" I squeaked in excitement.

"Five. But two were lost(,) and the other is in a museum. I only have Volume One and Two. You should read them both. You'll learn so much," my father suggested.

"I 've already read the first book two years ago. It was amazing," I told my dad. He went on explaining about the two books that were lost. One of them was stolen in Egypt and got mixed up with the wrong set of people who eventually sold it to an unknown source. It was never heard of again. The second one missing book was on it's way to Iran via the Indian Ocean(,) but there was a deadly storm(,) and it was had been lost at sea. I was very intrigued. I had no idea that my family was associated with such powerful forces.

(new paragraph)"Your mother and I should have told you about this sooner...but Harrly, you were meant to do great, powerful things. I wish she was here to see you grow and harness your power," he my father said, deeply in a sorrow filled voice.

"Power?"I blandly asked.

"Close your eyes and concentrate, son. Repeat after me: Princeps copias intra," my father spoke in a deep baritone voice.

(new paragraph)I did as he said and repeated the words. He then told me to lay down and continue chanting. The room was silent(,) and all that could to be I heard was the incantation coming flowing from his lips.out of my mouth.

(new paragraph)Soon, a howling wind swooped into the room. "Don't stop!" my father shouted. The light that was gleaming shimmered through my eyelids(,) then disappeared(.) and I felt the silk cloth beneath me slowly slipping as it rose. I opened my eyes and stopped chanting(.) and Then everything went quiet(,) but I was still floating in mid-air. I started to freak out(,) but my father calmed me down(,) so I closed my eyes again. Suddenly, lightning struck my chest(,) and the electricity went coursed ing through my body. I opened my eyes once more(,) in fright and there(,) I saw the impossible.


In closing I would like to say thank you for letting me read your story and give input on how I believe you might improve it. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

jdennis


15
15
Review of Today's Times  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Kavindra,

I felt that "A" was the best version of this poem. The "underroos are for kids" didn't seem to fit the overall message. The essence of the piece seemed to hover around adult encounters with modern technological entertainment and public intercourse through today's electronic venues, and for me, children should be guarded from that aspect of life. At least, until they are mature enough to understand the dangers lurking behind the pretty colors on the monitor.


Other than that, I believe you have captured the present addictions our culture caresses on a daily basis. Along the way you expose some of the pitfalls of the separation that technology provides. Some of us forget there are real people on the accepting end of what we "Enter." When you think about the possible repercussions of what you are about to do, sometimes we might be better off simply backspacing to a new beginning. That too is a benefit created by marvelous new world. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.


jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
16
16
Review of For you, babe  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
luckieschamroc,

This piece induced a sadness that filtered through me like smoke, leaving in its wake a bitter taste. Love lost, never captured, just beyond reach, there but never realized. Although, I guess it could be interpreted as a void, wishing to be filled, hoping to be illuminated by the warm glow of another. I still say sadness, no matter which.

You have captured raw emotion in this piece. I'm not an expert on this type of writing, but I can tell you that. Please continue, and I will stop by from time to time to enjoy your efforts. Who knows, maybe I will become educated.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


17
17
Review of Rosa and Glen  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Becky,

This short piece is fascinating. It seems to be a scene from a longer story about a criminal family whose father figure is in prison, with a mother who rides roughshod over her children's every action, and brother and sister who begrudgingly cooperate to accomplish the crime. This seems to be a simple, everyday, family story.

You have woven some engaging characters into your story and brought them to life with very few words. Your writing is easy to follow, tempting to the reader, and succinct.

This story seems to continue, and I would enjoy reading more, so please let me know if you have more and if it is available to read.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
18
18
Review of A Mortal Memoir  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
April Desiree,

I have been there. I think we all have been. At some point in our lives, we all lose touch with ourselves. At least, the "self" we believe we are. You have perfectly captured the feel, the gripping desperation, and the overwhelming relief upon the realization that there is still hope once we find that "true self."
As your story begins, I wonder where you are taking me, but the temptation to keep reading is too great due to your mastery of the prose. I continue and find a great reward at the end of my journey—a surprise, with the sudden realization of unanticipated gratification.

Many times in life, we reach too far to please others, and in so doing, we disappoint our selves. The road back is tortuous, and many become permanently lost in the journey. Your story gives us all hope. I will keep reading, if you will keep writing, so please continue and allow me to visit your portfolio in the future. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it,

jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
19
19
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review of "Black Ice, Cheyenne, Wyoming."

This story, like the rest of your work, is filled with emotion. Every story I have read to date has grabbed me and held me from beginning to end. This piece is no different. However, this one seems in need of some editing. I know you are very capable of performing such a task, but I would like to mention just one thing—the first paragraph.

A first paragraph makes or breaks the story, in that, not only do you need to grab attention, but you also need to set the mood or tone. You do a pretty good job in your opening paragraph, but I believe it could be a little better. At the same time, you did introduce a foreboding tone with the monuments to the American Indians. I assume this was to build tension for the upcoming snowstorm.

So here I go. I have never done this before. So, I'll probably be very clumsy in my attempt. Plus, remember to pity me because I have been sick for several weeks, but I truly intend to help. This story is good. I am just attempting to show you how to "punch" it up a little, I guess. I hope you know what I mean. Anyway, I have included the below, your opening paragraph, and a possible rewrite of that paragraph.

Remember, this is a possible rewrite, not what the finished product should be. I am only attempting to "show" you what I am talking about, and I know my rewrite is not that good. It is only intended to give you an example of how I would add emphasis and tension to the opening paragraph of one of "my" stories. Like I said, who am I? You should be able to do a much better job.

Look at my example, if you have questions, please ask them, if not, I hope you will allow me to read more of your work. I genuinely believe you are a talented writer. And, of course, all of us wannabes, wannabe able to say, "I gave her some advice once."

Your opening:

It was my birthday dinner and I chose to celebrate at my favorite Chinese restaurant in Cheyenne, Wyoming. The city was approximately thirty miles north of where I lived in a small town south of the Colorado/Wyoming border. It was more or less a direct shot up Interstate 25 and ran through an open stretch of land , and past the monument on either side of the highway. Huge boulders stood, where two tribes of American Indians from times past had hid, fought, and either conquered or died.

My humble attempt:

We drove toward my birthday dinner at my favorite Chinese restaurant in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Cheyenne was approximately thirty miles north of where I lived in a small town just south of the Colorado/Wyoming border. It was a direct shot up Interstate 25, which ran through the middle of a prairie. After only a few minutes of travel through that stretch of land, we came upon an Indian monument. The monument occupied both sides of the highway. Huge boulders reached for the sky, representing two tribes, one on either side of the interstate. Both tribes proud and brave, who once fought each other on that spot. One tribe celebrated their conquest at that spot. The other side died there.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Dennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
20
20
Review of Foreclosure  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
reyskywalker,

Your miserly use of words to fill a paragraph with an entire story is admirable. Many who hope to be a writer begin by splashing the page with too many empty words that the reader can become lost in. I look forward to seeing more from you.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
21
21
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Heartburn,

"Entertaining a Leprechaun" is a well written, delightful recount of the meeting between two unique characters! You weave a tale from one chuckle to the next, and along the way, we learn the lesson, which a friendship-in-the-making exposes. It has been a long time since I have been entertained to this extent, and I hope you believe me. I'm not the sort of fella to twist yer ear with a lyin'-lie.

Your story was so enjoyable that I wish you would expand it into a string of short stories about this most enjoyable couple, who are so opposite in nature. Still, their engagement in life at this moment in time is entertaining. I guess the attraction involves their differing outlooks on life and the world in general, but from a somewhat familiar perspective in their individual cases. They are both intensely curious, without expectations, and yet hopeful about the results of their experiences upon meeting each other.

I hope you won the contest. If not, you would have if I had been the judge.

I saw no glaring issues. Of course, I was so engaged I probably wouldn't have noticed if there had been. Please keep writing, and I'll continue reading.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
22
22
Review of Keep Life Simple  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your writing is well thought through and well presented. You make sense but in a lonely way. You make sense as an individual, a person, someone without the constant concern for others around you. You speak mainly about you. Don't get me wrong, "we" all began as "you."

It is only as "we" couple that we decide to become "we." At that point, some, only some, but some of your points begin to crumble. When we become "we," we usually consider one another in our decision making. "We" becomes a central point in our thought processes, and "we" is incorporated into our being. "We" even grow into "our," as time passes, and "our" incorporates into "us."

"Families" are a conglomeration of "you." At this point, the "family's" needs become overwhelmingly overpowering for "you," and "you" become consumed by your love for "them." At that point, all logic fails, and life becomes a daily struggle to carry "them" through "your" life's struggles in a way that best benefits the "family."

I sincerely enjoyed your presentation, but find doubts that one's convictions and philosophy can ever survive through the full rigors of a complete life. Of course, that is only my philosophy.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it."WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


jdennis

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
23
23
Review of SNOW  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
brennus,
I believe you succeeded in casting "snow" as the villain in this gripping tale of a plane downed in a snowstorm, and the doomed plight of its pilot to reach refuge in the warmth of a distant cabin, where his unsuspecting rescuer cuddled his book under a warm flame. At the same time, the pilot plummets to his doom beneath his unrelenting enemy. Wooo, that was a mouthful. But your story wasn't. It is well written, engaging, even captivating in that once I began reading, I didn't stop until the end. What else need I say?

One suggestion: "Snow buried the plane, the impact sending up a billow of powdery white high (in) the air." I believe that in the fervor of the snowstorm, you forgot an "in."

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

An image to be used again.

jdennis
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
24
24
Review of Glass Box  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Lilliy,
You've taken me on another fabulous voyage through stark sights and tactile sensations with beautiful words. The journey was exciting, mysterious, and a treat for my imagination. Your use of a loosely structure style allows you to garner maximum impact with each carefully chosen word. This is something I could never master, and though it is difficult for me to comprehend your full message in the story after only one read, I did fully experience the emotional impact. I remember reading authors like Franz Kafka, Borges, Sartre, and even Faulkner in high school. They impacted me in the same way even though I really couldn't grasp their entire intent after only one reading, and many times after dozens of attempts. I found your story beautiful and intriguing but can say nothing of its message until after I have been able to reread the text several times. I may not be able to even then. I guess I am not an intellectual reader. However, I did not have to be an intellectual to enjoy the beautiful sentiment, which you captured in "Glass Box."

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

"The Gate of Golphameth

jdennis
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.

P.S. I am going to let your request for review expire because reading your story is reward enough.
25
25
Review of Why?  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Angus,

As usual, Angus, you astound me with your mastery of tension-building in your prose. In your short story "WHY" you show an innate ability to formulate the plot into a gradual build in suspense culminating in perfection at the conclusion. You might go through the body of the text one more time because I thought I saw a couple of unnecessary words and I am sure you will spot them on a reread.

As always, I enjoyed the read and need a drink to calm my nerves now that I'm finished.

Talk to you later,"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

"The Gate of Golphameth

jdennis

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