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Review Requests: ON
385 Public Reviews Given
388 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My review style will change to conform to the needs of the work. If I find no grammatical issues, I move onto something else, and I will always key on requested aspects of the piece per the author's instructions.
I'm good at...
Helping with descriptive phrasing, less capable in the realm of grammar, but always aspire to be honest yet polite. I feel that those who concentrate on criticizing are compensating for something, which is lacking in themselves.
Favorite Genres
SciFi, Fantasy, Horror, Country, and almost anything else I'm asked to do.
Least Favorite Genres
X rated. Other than that, I haven't met one yet.
Favorite Item Types
Short Story, Novel chapters, etc.
Least Favorite Item Types
Poems, because I know very little about that art. However, I am very willing to give my impression of a poem. I just make no promises as to how helpful it will be.
I will not review...
X rated or anything over a rating of 18+
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Emma  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Traker,

Your opening two sentences in the first paragraph are a little confusing. You might make them a little clearer by combining them: “Diana gazed up at the sky as the balloons from the annual Center City hot air balloon races made their way to her house.” This may not be exactly what you wanted to say here, but I think you can get the idea. Write it your way. Remember that whatever makes the reader hesitate might make them stop. This sentence is your first and maybe only chance to grab your reader’s attention and encourage them to continue.

The rest of the opening paragraph reads well and invites readers to continue. I might say here that your writing paints a vivid image of the action taking place in this first paragraph. Excellent job.

The following are a few suggestions. Pay attention to what you will and forget all the rest.

“My memory of Sunday trips to Dairy Queen was just below the surface of my conscious mind” This is a small thing, but I would suggest you use action verbs instead of passive verbs wherever possible. In the sentence above, you might replace “was” with “lay”: My memory of Sunday trips to Dairy Queen lay just below the surface of my conscious mind. This is not a big difference and will not change your intent, but over the course of the story, action verbs will paint a more vivid image in the reader’s mind.

“Emma” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Emma, watch out, honey. There is a car coming fast. See it? Stop! Stop!” The “!” should be inside the quotation marks in this sentence. Also, “All craned their heads to see where the Emma I was screaming about was.” This sentence might read better like this, “Heads craned searching for the Emma I had screamed about.”

“The crowd was thickening...” Here again, instead of using a weak verb, strengthen your sentence with an action verb: “The crowd thickened...”

Your story is an emotionally touching story that will touch the hearts of all who read it. Make a few revisions. Review, revise...review, revise... and stop when it settles warmly in your gut. You will have a beautiful story.

jdennis
2
2
Review of A fine line  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! For such a short piece, this story certainly packs a punch. You utilized every perfect word in exactly the proper place, leading the reader through your tale like the breadcrumbs in the fantasies of years gone by. You have great talent. Please keep writing and push yourself out of your comfort zone in your writing and in the exploration of avenues for publishing. I'm not published, but I have been reading for over six decades, almost seven, and during that time, I have developed a pretty good eye for talent among writers. You have that talent.

jdennis
3
3
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
quiltingmama,

I'm not an emotional animal; I'm a man. However, your little story "An Old Christmas Card" almost made me tear up. I would have never told you if it had, but let's just say that emotions welled inside me during the read. And the aftermath settled into a calm, satisfied comfort as I shook my head and mumbled to myself, "good job." You squeezed every bit of emotion out of these 993 words and left me with pleasant thoughts for my dreams this evening.

Thank you for writing this and letting me read it.

jdennis
4
4
Review of Future Dreams  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow! Excellent, my friend. I’m not sure what “steampunk” is, but you write it well. The language sounds like the mid-nineteenth century, as does the background science, with gears and wheels turning instead of microchips and circuit boards or something even more advanced visible inside the servant's chest.

No matter, the story includes all the essential mechanical structures and reads extremely well. I found myself devouring the story to the end and hoping for more. What else can you ask of a story? So, is there a follow-up? Does the story continue? If so, I am extremely interested in reading more.

I noticed no major grammatical errors. Nothing jumped out at me as unnatural or distracted me from the reading. All and all, my friend, I believe you have mastered “steampunk” with this reader. The audience may not agree with my evaluation as if my memory serves me in this matter. The target audience is much younger. I read a few of these stories several years ago, and your story rivals the published stories I read at the time. If I were you, I would continue to hone these talents. It could be profitable.

I feel like a fan writing a "fan letter," but I'm giving my gut reaction to the story, so enough said. Good job.

jdennis
5
5
Review of Gone Fishing  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! My friend, you have captured much emotion in this story. Your prose knit a tapestry of youthful curiosity, ancient rage baffled by emergent technology, and the course of nature when they all meet. The outcome is unexpected but a relief when innocence triumphs as nature cheers and the curtains close across life's calm but rapid current.
6
6
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Giovannius

Suggestion one: In paragraph three's final sentence: "Right now, more than anything else, she needed my words to cheer her up in a world that held very little 'cheer' for her at all."

Just a preference thing: "Right now, more than anything else, she needed the love in my voice to cheer her up...." I believe this would express the value of his "words" more than just stating that his "words" would do the same thing. Otherwise, correct the final sentence to read, "Right now, more than anything else, she needed my words to cheer her up in a world that held very little cheer for her."

'Through the good times and the bad, together or apart, fighting or cuddling; through it all...nno matter what."

I'm not sure, but I believe the "...nno matter what" in paragraph fifteen, as written above, should be "...no matter what"?

I found no grammar issues with most of the chapter, and only have the above suggestions with the rest of the chapter. However, the rest of this first chapter caught me off, guard. I started to discontinue after the long soliloquy but continued, finding your ending to the chapter a relief. If I were you, I would rewrite this part weeding out the weakest points. Always make your writing as strong and to the point as possible. As I said, there was a brief section where, as the story's narrator, I thought you were drifting into a weak dialogue with yourself. You still might want to revisit and tighten up that section.

Overall, this is a good beginning chapter. You pique the reader’s interest. You establish the premise for the story to follow. And, with a little work, you draw the reader into the world you have created. My advice is to keep going and stop only to review what you have written for consistency. Later, go back and prune the dead material out, and you will have a good, if not a great, story.

Then, you will get five stars.

jdennis

I need no Gift Points for this review.
7
7
Review of Toe in the Water  
for entry "What Now?" 
Review by jdennis
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I watched my first Baseball game in the early 1950s on a television with an eight-inch, round screen. Everything looked hazy in a myriad of shades of Grey. I saw something moving but wasn't sure if it was the windup for the pitch, the runner on second taking off for third, or a fan falling onto the field. At the time, we lived in Bitburg, Germany.

Five or six years later, we lived in Salida, California, and I watched Saturday morning cartoons with Princess Dorella on a fifteen-inch (black and white) television. Before we left California in the early sixties, the world of television was in brilliant color.

You have a great point here, Beholden. Hang onto it, let it grow, nurture it, and someday it will be History for some young children to read about in school.
8
8
Review of Man of the Forest  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
That is a perfect analogy for our present predicament. Or should I say the perfect allegory of present-day US? We, as a nation, seem to be complacent in the face of great danger from many directions. We are threatened from within by political extremes that will probably morph our political system into one of several bad options. At the same time, our political parties examine each other’s flaws with myopic recorders to catch and record the opposition’s mistakes. I’ve been on this Earth for seventy-one years. I’ve seen much more of politics than I ever wanted to see. However, today it doesn’t look like politics anymore. It seems like the preambles of revolution. Let’s hope something changes, or this country may be split into as many splinters as Europe is.
9
9
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Naomi,

This is a beautiful exposition of your family life and, in the end, how you allocate your time. However, I saw no time specifically allotted for your husband. Did you forget him?

This is a heartwarming divulgence of your family and your life. I know of no better subject for the written word. Thank you for sharing.

May you see nothing but happy days. Life is the most precious gift to those who search every moment for happiness.


jdennis
10
10
Review of The Party  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This short/short is filled with nuance, intrigue, and emotional trauma. You utilize each sentence as a structural building block, which is integral for a writer, which you obviously are. You build imagery as well as character construction in subtle strokes of word painting throughout each paragraph.

"What are you doing, get your hands off my jacket" growls Vanessa as the folded page is gently placed into an inside pocket. This sentence should be separated since the beginning of the paragraph is attributed to Beatrice speaking to Vanessa. Other than this, the scene is well-written.

Always remember to ensure the attribution of dialogue. Otherwise, the reader will be confused, and once confused, they will not immediately continue and will be separated from the flow of your writing. In the process, they will forget some or much of what transpired before that point and they may just quit reading. Never, ever, confuse your reader.

Your writing in this short piece is solid. Please keep writing and I'll keep reading.

jdennis
11
11
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
omstar,

I've been there, and you captured the moment with extreme ease. I am jealous. As I read each word, this entire scene came to life inside my mind. I devoured its intent with ravenous glee even as the child pulled at the last bit of hair on my head. It was short but sweet and filled with emotion, showing life as it exists in many kitchens worldwide.

Thank you.

jdennis
12
12
Review of Our Daily Rain  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, I have never thought of the rain this way. In the United States, rain is always cursed, always avoided, and never enjoyed by most who are in too much of a hurry to get somewhere, to do something that none remember after the day. Tomorrow it is supposed to rain. I think I will go for a stroll, with my umbrella of course.

Beholden, thank you for this insight into another existence, and the feel of this simple, but enjoyable feeling.
13
13
Review of The Tokoloshe  
Review by jdennis
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
When I first started reading the story, I felt as if something was slightly amiss. I crawled through the first couple of paragraphs before I realized, “Dennis, you idiot—the ‘voice.’” That was when I finally recognized the nuances of the narrator’s dialect and “voice,” which varied ever so lightly from English as spoken in my part of the United States. Especially here in Alabama, where I am presently located. “Ya know, ya’ll?”

After I slapped myself on the forehead, I began to feel and comprehend the story with those tiny variations in the language, and it revealed a viewpoint slightly unfamiliar and new but amazingly comfortable and exciting to visualize. I witnessed the rest of the story through those unfamiliar yet now comfortable eyes. That has happened to me only a few times before. Less than three times before.

That was when the Tokoloshe came to life. That “voice” imbued the story with an “angle” of believability with a completely foreign animal never before imagined by this reader, and I read a lot of Science Fiction and Horror with unimaginable creatures. I read that genre mainly because my education and past career were based on the sciences.

This story feels more mythical because the tokoloshe seemed an Impish being after the read. In the beginning, I read it as less dangerous, almost cuddly. Yet you lead me through the transition smoothly, making the surprise at the end even more impactful.

Thank you for the enjoyable read. Keep writing, and I’ll stop by every once in a while, and see what’s new.

jdennis
14
14
Review by jdennis
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
K5Rakitan,

I agree. It is my opinion that you are spot-on-correct in this assumption. It would have been almost impossible for a female carrying more than one infant to outrun a predator on all fours or escape by climbing a tree without losing one or all of her offspring. Which baby to drop? Which one to go back for? Those losses or decisions would have led to a large segment of the female population crossing their legs at night. So the female is the only rational originator of bipedal travel. And our male pride required us to follow suit and, I’m sure, attempt to take credit for that evolutionary trait.
15
15
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I hope you figure it out.

jdennis
16
16
Review of The Cowboy Way  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm sitting here with my puppy "Cricket" and she loved your poem. I trust and agree with her appraisal of your poem, "The Cowboy Way." She says it is a 4.5 on the perfection scale only because she has never given a 5 in all the years I have known her. We agree on most things, but I disagree with her so I'm giving you a 5. I gave her a biscuit so she's busy across the floor and won't know what I'm doing.

I loved your poem.
17
17
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a calming poem about the reassuring effects of true love. Many people have never experienced “true love.” They write about what they envision as love everlasting but do not capture the “gut,” the emotional bond between two people who enjoy that phenomenon. This piece does capture the essence of “true love.”

Your poetry rings with a resonance of reality and truth. Please continue writing and posting on Writing.com. I found my true love many years ago, but you remind me of who and what she is to me with your words.

Thank you.

jdennis
18
18
Review of Quirky Ol' Me  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Eliza West,

Your symptomology is exactly like mine, only fifty-some-odd years in the past. I am over seventy years old, and now I don't have to pay attention to the societal norms established long before either of us was born. You must maintain your enthusiasm for life and record it for others to learn from and live by. Write about your awakening, your freedom from the binding chains of "normalcy." Elevate your differences to a "new" state of existence, where "boring" is no longer tolerated. Push to the limits and record the outcome as you travel.

That is what reflective writing accomplishes. Tell others about your journey, the pains, the ecstasy, and the burden of being the first. When you tell your stories, include those qualities in the ambiance of the words flowing from your pen. Let your ink imbue the page with a reflection of your soul.
Keep writing. You'll do good things.

jdennis
19
19
Review of Making it Work  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Jackie,

This is actually great. You caught me in the beginning with a story about an old man (like me) and a younger woman who had pity on the oldtimer and listened to his dumb stories. Only, she eventually found them enjoyable to relive with him. Then she began to record them, but for whom?

Eventually, she found an audience and sold his stories. No one else knew they were true. Those stories about his life before he came to Earth.

Thank you for the read. The journey engulfed me in a new realm of imagination.

jdennis
20
20
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow! This reads exactly like a “love thing” I had in college. I believed we were in love, but she evidently lost the passion, and the ecstasy became tedious for her. We broke up with a lot of pain and anger on my part. She moved on quickly without hesitation, and I learned what “lust” was, and later I found out how to differentiate between that and “love.” This short story stirred all those memories and emotions, raising them through the multiple layers of dust in my memory to fill me with that experience again.

As I wrote in a review recently, creative writing must fill the reader with emotion. It may be fear, terror, friendship, hate, or love, but without an emotional residue left by the author, the effort will be lost as soon as the reader looks away. I carried an almost forgotten emotion through the reading of your story, and I think that will be with me the rest of the day. At least.
21
21
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow! You certainly captured my sentiments concerning "today." It seems all too easy for those who hunger for power to string lie upon lie in a chain to wrap around a subservient population, then binding them and bending them to their will. I guess it's an enriching experience for those who weave the lies. "They" will suck us dry and drop the husk into the desert, which "they" will have transformed our country into.
22
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Review of The New Year  
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm definitely not a poet and seldom read poetry; however, I may begin. Your words inspire. They inspire an uplifting mood and create a musical inspiration for the soul, and boy, do we need that after the over-a-year that we have endured across our planet. Whether you believe the lock-downs were necessary or not. Whether all of the tortuous restrictions were needed to conquer the beast. Your cheerful prose shows us that our world grew closer together under our imposed isolation in some inexplicable manner. Whether it was in your shared belief that it was all necessary or in the opinion that it was a world gone mad with power and "they" were attempting to subjugate us all. We came together as a "World of People," hunkered down and whipped the beast even inside those most diverse factions. We can look forward to a brighter day. In your seventy-seven words, you said more and painted a more stark canvas of emotion than my one hundred and eighty-seven or more words that appear in this paragraph.

Thank you for re-enforcing my belief that a writer should boil the emotion of every event in their stories into the smallest package possible. You have done it well, so be proud.

Below I have included a small spelling mistake and one baffling punctuation for your review, which I believe was not intended to appear in your final product.

1. New hope for tomorow cart (tomorrow)
2. Prayers.and praises to hold (Prayers and praises to hold)
23
23
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Poetic Outcast,

I may have been the wrong person, in one sense, to ask to review your poem. I have written maybe four poems in my life, and only for this site. Therefore, I can't give you advice on your structure, word choice nor any other aspect of poetic construction. I can only give you my gut reaction to your words.

You seem to be showing your audience that our world is in chaos today basically because two groups of political rebels are forcing us into two schools of thought concerning our political beliefs. I for one agree with what you are saying. However, I hope people recognize before the end that "opinions" are worth less than the effort expended to change them. Until now we have agreed to disagree about politics in this country, and for the most part, in this world. I hope this doesn't change.

As I said, I apologize for not being able to advise you on any of the elements of poetry, but I did appreciate your little outburst toward the world. Keep writing. You have talent. Especially for capturing the true sentiments of the majority of people--no matter what side of the argument we sit on.

jdennis
24
24
Review by jdennis
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Please, help! My computer crashed yesterday. It has since been repaired, but I had to reload almost everything and when I went to sign in to writing.com I used my ID/password and they didn't work. I signed in fine with my laptop, but as you can tell, I can't type on this little keyboard.

How can I get signed on with my main computer and it's nice oversized keyboard. I am an older gentleman without much computer knowledge (if you didn't notice) and can use as much help as possible.

Thank you,

jdennis
25
25
Review by jdennis
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
nfdarbe,

"Listening for Laughter" is a beautiful poem. I don't know much about poetry, but I do know when something fills me with emotion. This short piece conveyed a truckload of emotion, and I was on the receiving end of it all. My father died of Alzheimer's disease. My last memory of him was with our family sitting in a semi-circle around his hospital bed, listening intently to the "swish" of his breath as he exhaled—until it stopped. That moment was the moment we all feared the most yet for which we silently prayed. He was such a vital man all his life, yet that disease transformed him into an empty shell.

Most days, near the end, he simply sat up in his hospital bed, staring out the window. We were all there, accept him, and we watched without knowing what his thoughts held. I like to think his mind replayed memories of us all: the better times, the best times, and even the simplest times. All those moments over all those years, and there was no room left for remorse.

Thank you,
jdennis
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