Suggestion one: In paragraph three's final sentence: "Right now, more than anything else, she needed my words to cheer her up in a world that held very little 'cheer' for her at all."
Just a preference thing: "Right now, more than anything else, she needed the love in my voice to cheer her up...." I believe this would express the value of his "words" more than just stating that his "words" would do the same thing. Otherwise, correct the final sentence to read, "Right now, more than anything else, she needed my words to cheer her up in a world that held very little cheer for her."
'Through the good times and the bad, together or apart, fighting or cuddling; through it all...nno matter what."
I'm not sure, but I believe the "...nno matter what" in paragraph fifteen, as written above, should be "...no matter what"?
I found no grammar issues with most of the chapter, and only have the above suggestions with the rest of the chapter. However, the rest of this first chapter caught me off, guard. I started to discontinue after the long soliloquy but continued, finding your ending to the chapter a relief. If I were you, I would rewrite this part weeding out the weakest points. Always make your writing as strong and to the point as possible. As I said, there was a brief section where, as the story's narrator, I thought you were drifting into a weak dialogue with yourself. You still might want to revisit and tighten up that section.
Overall, this is a good beginning chapter. You pique the reader’s interest. You establish the premise for the story to follow. And, with a little work, you draw the reader into the world you have created. My advice is to keep going and stop only to review what you have written for consistency. Later, go back and prune the dead material out, and you will have a good, if not a great, story.
Then, you will get five stars.
I need no Gift Points for this review.