neilclair13,
Incantations-Chapter Three
Below I have included some suggestions on rewording, grammatical issues, and possible word choice replacements in areas that caught my attention as I read your story. I would like you to know upfront that I enjoyed your story. Ergo, I felt it was worth the effort to attempt to help you.
I'm no expert and don't profess to be one. However, you do seem to struggle some in your presentation. If you do not wish to accept my help, I hope you continue to seek advice on WdC as there are many here with a plethora of knowledge.
What I propose below may not suit your tastes, but that was not my point in presenting the information. I only wished to give you an example of how to express the message you are attempting to convey to your reader.
Read the examples I have given and then utilize your own words to clarify what your intent was. My suggestions are stated in the manner that I would word them. Not correct, not perfect, not even necessarily desired, just my feeble attempt to convey a message to an audience.
One last suggestion: I would change the name of your main character. (Although, you probably already know this) Because it is too close to the Potter figure of famed renown.
The fear and regret that was trapped inside of me grew when I opened my eyes to my father looking at me with worry.Shame and regret grew inside me as I opened my eyes to my father, staring at me with concern. All I remembered was yelling at my dad and Barbara for getting married(.) Then and my memory recalls me looking I found myself staring down at my dad from six feet in the air and yelling, "I can't!" Everything else felt like a blurry dream.
"So, you don't remember anything else?" my father sighed. I shook my head sluggishly. My father looked at me in despair and walked across the room to a wooden shelf. I laid was laying down on a table which was covered with (a) smooth, silk cloth. It felt soft(,) and it calmed made me calm. I looked around(,realizing) and realized that we were in the attic, which I had have been in visited only twice in my life. The first time I was six years old and my mother had sent me to get a box for her. She said the box contained ancient artifacts from our ancestors. I was really excited to see what was inside because(,at the time,) back then I was a very curious child(.) but Unfortunately, we never found it.
(new paragraph)The second time was when we were prepping my grandmother's funeral six years ago. She wanted requested to be buried with a picture frame of one of her best friends. When I saw the picture, I was confused because there was no one else in the photo other than my grandmother holding a black top hat in her left hand. Now, after finding out the truth about myself and my family, I now understand everything clearly.
"What happened to Barbara?" I asked, cluelessly. My father turned around to face me, sighed(,) and continued stretching for a box on the shelf. He grunted once he realized that he could not reach it. He took a step back and started whispering a chant, " Carum duce me ad hoc perducere animos dimisit." Suddenly, the cardboard box began floating and moving lifted into the air and floated towards my father until it was snug it inside his arms. I stood there in awe and shock. "Couldn't you just use the ladder?" I asked.
"This is easier," my father replied.
"Speaking of, what was that?" I questioned.(I don't understand this question. Is it, "Speaking of—what was that?" or "Of what are you speaking?"????)
"I will explain in a minute. Do you remember the box that your mother sent you to retrieve ten years ago?" (Why would he remember a box his mother sent him to retrieve ten years ago? If there is a reason he would remember something that occurred that long ago, include it so that the reader will understand.)
"Umm... yeah(,) but we never found it," I mentioned. (Maybe: "Umm, do you mean the one we never found?" That would help to explain why he would remember such an incidental occurrence.)
"That's because your mother forgot to tell you that it was hidden;(.)p Placed under a spell called 'Invisibilia.' If y You're smart enough, you'll know to understand that it means 'Invisible,'" my father explained, " We placed it under the Invisisblia spell because a couple days before you were sent to get retrieve it, because a group of our past enemies were after sought the containments inside the box."
I remained silent as my father continued to explain the importance of the so-called "De Antiquis Box" which is Latin for Box of Ancients.
"So, is that the box you are holding?" I queried.
(new paragraph) My father nodded.
(new paragraph)"Well, it doesn't look all that special to me. It looks like a regular cardboard box." I exclaimed.
"Ah! That's where you are mistaken. It may look like a regular cardboard box(,) but beneath it all is something extraordinary," my father excitedly announced as he swirled his hands above the box. A mysterious mist covered the box in a rotative direction. A mysterious haze whirled above the box's lid. It smelt like burning smoke(,) but it looked like a soft, silk blanket covered with pixie dust. Soon, the mist faded(,) and it revealed revealing something that was indeed extraordinary.
It was a leather box with three compartments. There was one at the very top and two on the front. My father opened the top compartment(chamber.) and I looked inside. There were so many things inside(,) that small box and there was still extra space remaining at the bottom. I pulled out the first thing I saw; a tiny book. As I took lifted it(,) out, it the book grew bigger into a huge bible-size chronicle. I looked at it and read the title aloud, " The Ancient Book of Incantations and Procedures of Enchantment: Volume 2, by James C. Cauldron." I was elated. so happy. I had no idea that there were multiple parts to that the book. "Oh my gosh! Volume 2? How did you-"
"James Cauldron is your great, great, great uncle," my father informed me. interrupted.
"How many sections are there? Do you have them all?" I squeaked in excitement.
"Five. But two were lost(,) and the other is in a museum. I only have Volume One and Two. You should read them both. You'll learn so much," my father suggested.
"I 've already read the first book two years ago. It was amazing," I told my dad. He went on explaining about the two books that were lost. One of them was stolen in Egypt and got mixed up with the wrong set of people who eventually sold it to an unknown source. It was never heard of again. The second one missing book was on it's way to Iran via the Indian Ocean(,) but there was a deadly storm(,) and it was had been lost at sea. I was very intrigued. I had no idea that my family was associated with such powerful forces.
(new paragraph)"Your mother and I should have told you about this sooner...but Harrly, you were meant to do great, powerful things. I wish she was here to see you grow and harness your power," he my father said, deeply in a sorrow filled voice.
"Power?"I blandly asked.
"Close your eyes and concentrate, son. Repeat after me: Princeps copias intra," my father spoke in a deep baritone voice.
(new paragraph)I did as he said and repeated the words. He then told me to lay down and continue chanting. The room was silent(,) and all that could to be I heard was the incantation coming flowing from his lips.out of my mouth.
(new paragraph)Soon, a howling wind swooped into the room. "Don't stop!" my father shouted. The light that was gleaming shimmered through my eyelids(,) then disappeared(.) and I felt the silk cloth beneath me slowly slipping as it rose. I opened my eyes and stopped chanting(.) and Then everything went quiet(,) but I was still floating in mid-air. I started to freak out(,) but my father calmed me down(,) so I closed my eyes again. Suddenly, lightning struck my chest(,) and the electricity went coursed ing through my body. I opened my eyes once more(,) in fright and there(,) I saw the impossible.
In closing I would like to say thank you for letting me read your story and give input on how I believe you might improve it. "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
jdennis
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