Your story describes a devastating event that happens to many people who share a deep love for one another. They say that love blinds all what's in the moment. While there, the gifts that they share are not spoken but they are known deep in the subconscious. When one loses the other, the gifts come welling up and you recognize you never shared them with the other. It is so tragic that one cannot force these ephemeral gifts to the conscious mind where will eventually be shared during the relationship.
A powerful story with a surprise ending. I thought all along that the other person had left this earth, only to find out they had only left the relationship. Nonetheless, the pain and grief are there just as if the other person had left this earth.
Your writing is superior and moving. Please continue..
A very poignant story of a man losing his true love. From my reading, I think the man know his love was not coming back, and finding the ring was really no surprise. When I read it I was sad for the man. I think the story conveyed very well the feelings of the man.
Good work!
I had these minor comments as I read the story.
I was left hanging, not knowing what she knew. Maybe a hint could have been given by giving the title of the book she was reading.
"In the corner it was written, I’ll pay you back." I would have preferred the easier construction: "I'll pay you back was written in the corner"
My review comments don't really take away from the story.
An Awesome story. And tears did come to my eyes at the end of the story.
I have only one thing to offer as a critique and I don't know quite how to describe. As I was reading your story I came across phrases and actions that did not seem consistent. I can't really tell you where they are. I was into the story and not really paying attention to mechanics.
I believe you have a real gift of story-telling. Keep writing!
I think I know where you're headed with this story. It's a good plot line.
I like your dialog between the characters. In just a short time, you have developed the characters and made them come alive.
I had some trouble visualizing the scene you paint in the last paragraph. ". . .the figure halted midair . . ."
I also think the last paragraph is a rather abrupt transition from conversation around the table to the fairly intense action scene.
All of that aside, I think you developing a pretty good story.
I enjoyed you poem. Certainly, everyone has asked the questions you posed at sometime. I particularly identify your questions in my situation as I describe in my story "Finding Friendship." It is true that the caregiver often neglects their own well-being. So, I ask myself your questions as I reflect on my lot in life. As you have written, there are often few answers.
Thank you for your insight.
In four stanzas you have managed to capture the essence of the people who are just waiting for their wish to come true. For them opportunity chooses to pass by their door and go on to a door that is likely to open. It is sad to see people miss the joy and peace that comes from living in the present.
I will keep your poem on my desk where I can refer to it when I start wishing from things that will never come to pass.
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