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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jimbo-bassman
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2 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Jake Cake
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
I like how the setting is gradually revealed in this. The names of the characters are humorous and things began to make more sense as the story progressed. I guess the character's names sound like Viking names, but with your own vernacular flavor. Nicely done. I clocked the clue that Hiccup's mother had died before it was explicitly stated. It's good to help the reader feel like they are figuring stuff out. Some typos and it reads a bit clunky at times - Read it out loud and you will feel where it could read more smoothly. I think this piece needed a better ending, but not a different one (presuming this is a stand-alone piece). Think in terms of the ending of a song or a punchline to a joke - leave something to reveal right at the end.
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Review of The Rose  
Review by Jake Cake
Rated: E | (3.0)
Some very nice lines in here. A simple but effective piece of poetry. There is a glimpse of some original expressions here (the first, second,and eighth lines) which I would encourage you to keep producing. Perhaps you could try your hand at more complex poetic structures, particularly with subjects which get written about a lot where it is difficult to find original words and phrases. You can play with the structure in order to express something old in a new way.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jimbo-bassman