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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jimmg
Review Requests: OFF
10 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Xavier Kobel
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I followed the link from your testimonial about writing.com. Your tribute to Harmony leaves no question of the tremendous grief you feel for her loss. It caused me to mist up.

I never want to experience what you have been through. While we don't truly know what happens after loved ones pass away, I do know those left behind suffer deep emotional pain for many years.

I offer my condolence to you and your family in the loss of your beloved sister.

Jim
2
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Review by Xavier Kobel
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey there Sunshine. Some part of me has always wanted to participate in the frog jigging experience. I've also had the urge to cow tip in the past. While I'm not big on animal cruelty, for some reason these activities entice me.

Your re-enactment has helped me visualize what to expect as a newbie frog jigger.

Sorta gave me the heevie jeevies thinking of the poor little critters dangling still alive with the wire through their feeble amphibian jaws.

Your illustration that they live clean up till the sizzlin pan, causes me to scratch my head and wonder if I'm sadistic enough to follow through.

That aside, I'm still wildly intrigued. And wondering do the frog legs taste like chicken?

If they do...Why not buy chicken in the sooper market? It's relatively cheap and you avoid the veneral frog slime.

Overall, I enjoyed being taken one step closer to the frogging experience.

Thanks, next is to live it!

Jim
AKA: Xavier Kobel

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3
Review of Destiny  
Review by Xavier Kobel
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Susan, I had a more in depth review written. But submitted without a rating number by accident, and lost it. Curses!

Because I have to start over this is the abridged version. The work kept my attention to the end, that is great considering I was very rushed when I decided to read it. That could mean great potential, if you change it from short story to novel.

Two sentences left me scratching my head, wondering what it means. The ?? will point out where I am referring.

She lay rigid as a rock, etched in forever (??), and she'd only wanted to run.

Then he saw the woman pointing at something behind him, and he turned to stare-his dream self-at a crush of humanity. What is a crush of humanity? Plus it took me a few shots to read this line, indicating an issue.

I will not comment on grammatical structure, because I am hardly an expert in that area. But I think it may need some attention to that detail.
I found myself taking time to read slowly to get the jist of what is written. Breaking it apart more may help.

Overall, it is very enjoyable, and leaves me wanting more. I hope you are going to develop it further.

Good job!

Jim
AKA:
Xavier Kobel
4
4
Review of Beavers Creek  
Review by Xavier Kobel
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Mock, I have read and re-read your post "Beavers Creek".

I believe it is best to highlight what makes me want to read on. Then move onto helpful hints.

What makes me want to read on: The newly added prologue: Excellent! This is the essence of horror...You certainly caught my attention.

Helpful hint: Keep in mind past and present tense......I feel if it's happening real time to the character, it's happening real time to the reader.

Example:Off the path, something rustled in the undergrowth, as a cold wind caressed the back of his neck. Something crawled up his spine.

Suggestion: Jim is terrified, yet shomehow angry with himself for feeling this way. After all, I am 11, much too old to believe in monsters. The cold wind rustling the trees and leaves around him increases his anxiety.

Be conscious of the timeline, the years jump back and forth. Also the depth of Beavers Creek history has left me grappling to figure out who is the protagonist.

Lastly, here and there you have a few misspelled words...Bogeyman should be "Boogeyman". And some sentences contain duplicates of the same word.

Some other minor issues can be resolved once you review what you have posted.

I also wonder if you intention is a short story, novella, or novel.

Over all, Beavers Creek has good potential. It is apparent you have some twisted schemes developing, which will be interesting to see progress.

Congratulations on your first post, keep 'em comin!


5
5
Review of Overnight Shift  
Review by Xavier Kobel
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
My initial response to this work was to notice the disposition of apathy the main character displays towards the dismal surroundings he/she works in as a relief counselor.
At first I thought this may be the wrong line of work for this person. Shouldn't he/she be more compassionate to the plight of those poor souls in need? But upon more careful consideration I began to liken the main charecter to someone that resides within most every one of us.
I am sure that everyone in their idealistic youth believe we can make a major impact, or change the world for the better. As time drags on we begin to realize there is little, if anything we can do to make a difference. Lets face it we all can't be Mother Theresa, or Princess Diana. So apathy is the response, and we simply go along to get along, trying as best we can, trying not to be bothered by our own dismal surroundings and circumstances.
I am of the of the inclination that a writer produces his or her work to elicit a reaction of some sort from the reader. My overall impression of this piece was that the author did a good job of portraying what it must be like to live just another ordinary night in the life of an overnight relief counselor.
Short of a few obvious spelling errors, I think the author accomplished the goal of getting a reaction from me. Kudos on a job well done!
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