Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jjnetzach
Review Requests: ON
2 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Review of The Life of 'Z'  
Review by J.J. Netzach
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

The first verse sets a very tragic tone, and by itself is not very interesting. However, the second verse spices it up quite a bit, with the nice touch of throwing in "zenith" which obviously begins with... yeah. Our Z is the Greeks' Omega, indeed, and the witty last line of Z being "bottom-shelf" makes for a good contrast to the dreary first verse.

I'm nitpicking, maybe, but subjectively, I feel there was a lot more thought put into the second verse than the first one. Still, it made me smile, yet with a hint of sadness. Good poetry.
Review by J.J. Netzach
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)

And thank you again for reviewing my first chapter of "SHARD" and introducing me to this site.

I must confess, I am very unfamiliar with the themes of polyamory and sex work and have never read any literature of that kind. I do know what Yu-Gi-Oh! is, but I haven't watched it since my childhood; I have a hard time following the red thread because of this. If you'd provide me with a little more background, I should be able to review this more fairly.

However, one thing I noticed pretty quickly was how fluid and natural the dialog is. I read Part 1 twice, and while the general story still partly eludes me, I really believe these conversations to be taking place in this kind of milieu. I also very much enjoyed the quotes inserted at the beginning, to set the mood.

Believable characters and dialog! Statement of intent by quotes; I am always a sucker for these kinds of introductions. I may not be the proper audience for this work of yours, but the choices of words and grammar are impeccable. I would suggest to maybe add some exposition or something else that breaks up the very fast-paced dialog, to leave some breathing room.
2 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jjnetzach