This comedy was very humorous and somewhat suspenseful.
I didn't think that "Dickie" was going to make it to the end of the alley. I thought about a one-forth ways into the alley that he would turn around and run. In addition, you used adjectives very well in this story. They helped me to capture my attention and to see this experience as it was happening . They also helps us amatuers to write better.
This poem was nicely written. I thank Jehovah God for his wonderful ramson [His son, Jesus Christ]. I pray everyday that when Jesus comes that I will be ready. I pray this for my family as well as others.
Hi! It's lovemetoday again. This poem like your first one (Loving You) has a good rhyme scheme. Your words in this work are more powerful. You write well from the heart. You stir emotions. You just need to watch your puncuation.
I'm sorry that I have to give your poem such a low rating, but it needs a lot of work. Your puncuation is missing in a lot of your words. I hear your rhyme scheme which is nice, but it's not seen in the structure of your poem. For example, you wrote: Why cant you just love me the way I love you? do You not or even understand? How I wish u would willingly give your ha nd. Words that are four or less shouldn't be separated. Second, "cant" should be puncuated:"can't."
Third, "that" should proceed "I" and "do" the "d" should be capitalized. Finally, "u" should be spelled out. I hope I havn't confused you in the way this is pointed out. I'm new at this to. I think that sentence would flow better if it were written something like this:
Why can't you just love me
the way that I love you?
Do you understand,
that all I want is for
you to give me your hand?
Your words were very nice. You spoke from the heart.
You just need to puncuate and capitalize when appropitate, shorten your sentences and let your rhyming words be seen in couplets or at the end of every other sentence. Other than that this is a good poem. It's universal and written from the heart. Keep up the good work!
Sincerely,
Lovemetoday
Please feel free to visit my port and tell me what you think of my work. We all need help!
A lot of pain here. I hope that one day -if this is you- you'll be able to put this in the past and leave it there. However, I do symphatize with your pain; that must have been horrible. May I make a small suggestion, in stanza three both of the "their's" should be "there."
I enjoyed your poem, however in line seven "Dmean" sounds like it should be "Didn't" and "i" should be "I." Also, in line seventeen, the "i" in that line should be "I". Otherwise, you've written a good poem.
Sincerely,
PNJL
PS:You are welcome to visit my port. Click on "authors" at the top of the page and then click my handle name:PNJL.
very nice! Please take the time out and read my poem entitled "The Pink Rose". you can go to authors and click my handle name: PNJL. I hope you enjoy it.
This is a very nice poem one in which I'm sure a some mothers can relate to. A grim subject (death of a child) but one that many have faced. Your rhyme was very good. your sentences were short and easy to follow. This was very good writing.
You write well. Keep up the good work. I have one tiny suggestion. In paragraph three, in the second sentence, you need to change the word 'the' to 'they'.
Your poem was absolutely beautiful! At the beginning of your poem, one can feel the torment that your charactor is feeling of having lost his beloved. There's a unique strength to this poem so I assume that the charactor is a male. What really intriqued me about this poem, is how it seemed to switch from narrative to first person.
I have one suggestion. In the places where you have the small letter (i) you need to capitalize it to (I)or is this deliberately done to show that you are the person in this poem and also to show how you're dwindling away because of the lost of your beloved? If so I think you've done a good job at showing this. Well done! Keep up the good work!
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