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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jojogold
Review Requests: ON
5 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by JoJoGold
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ummm...wow.

Your imagery is near-perfection. I felt myself inside her head and looking through her eyes.

I love this, love this, love this!

Thank you for this glimpse into your world.
2
2
Review of Early Morning  
Review by JoJoGold
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is ****AWESOME****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Conversation: check
Spelling: check
Grammar: check
Originality: triple check
Humor: tentuple check

As my grade school teacher would write "A+"
3
3
Review of Coffee  
Review by JoJoGold
Rated: E | (4.5)
I know people like this.

The only thing that really struck me as wrong is "...but not any awaker." Maybe "more awake."? It seems awkward, even with 'common usage'.
4
4
Review of I Met Mr. C.  
Review by JoJoGold
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for your invitation to review your story.

As I read through the first time a few things I caught:
"He was but two and a half years old but could remember his stocking with candy, nuts and a small orange and a little farm set complete with tiny animals." While grammatically correct, the double use of the word "but" (to me) is a little awkward. I suggest replacing the 2nd with 'and' -- this gives more substance to his wonderful memory.

Halley's Comet passed Earth in 1910. Mr. C would have been ~4 years old. This is a wonderful memory, but stretches credibility a little. Maybe push back his birthday a year or two, making him about 6 at the time of passage. A couple of paragraphs later, you write about his memories of the Titanic disaster, he was 6 at the time of that tragedy and it is a believable memory.

Writing about fixed dates and weaving a fictional character in and out of history is a delicate thing. You've done remarkably well!!

Very well written, and I was left wishing for more. Mr. C. lived a full and wonderful life and was at least an along-side witness to many of the great and terrible events of the 20th Century.

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