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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jolark
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7 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Josephine Lark
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was fascinating! I really enjoyed reading this. You include a lot of legends and stories, some funny and some more serious, and the variety is great. I think the transitions from story to story could be better; as of right now you just jump from one to the other. If there were more solid ways to connect some of them, I think that would help. Also, when you go through your first kisses (adding that personal element to this article was a great idea), I don't think "aged 13" etc. is the right way of putting it; "age 13" to me seems a little less clunky. Again, not sure if there is a proper way to say it, but that's just my opinion. Overall, this was great. Thanks for the history lesson!

Best regards and best of luck,
Josephine Lark
2
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Review of Coloring Lesson  
Review by Josephine Lark
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a very provocative and interesting poem. I like the way you personify todays and tomorrows, because it really makes each day sound like something as valuable as a human. Your metaphors with the circle are also great! I like your stream of consciousness style. Overall, this is an excellent poem!

Best regards and best of luck,
Jo Lark
3
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Review of My Mourning  
Review by Josephine Lark
Rated: E | (4.0)
The repetition of the last two lines of each stanza is great; it really drives the point home. I also like the play on words of morning/mourning, as it shows how sadness and emotion can be renewed each day. The only line that seemed awkward was "Sacrificing any cost". I understand what you're trying to say, that the speaker would sacrifice anything to be reunited with their love, but I would try to rework that line-- sacrificing what at any cost? Overall, a very good poem!

Best regards and best of luck,
Jo Lark
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