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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/k5rakitan
Review Requests: ON
3,121 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm the lead editor for a small press, and this is my pen name. I'll let you know whether I would have accepted your work as a submission and why or why not. If it's REALLY good, I'll let you know which press I'm with and invite you to submit your work to us. I'm particularly interested in controversial speculative fiction and polyamory a.k.a consensual non-monogamy.
Favorite Genres
Science Fiction, Historical Fiction, Fantasy, Romance, Dystopia, Erotica
Least Favorite Genres
stream of consciousness
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Novels, Fraternal Polyandry
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Spiraling  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This was a very dramatic piece. Great job!

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
2
2
Review of PERFECTION  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Thanks for requesting my review!

If this came to me as a submission, I would unfortunately reject it. While it makes me nostalgic for classic science fiction from the likes of Isaac Asimov, I'm looking for more modern, feminist works. “Keep dreaming, Franklin, that will never happen." sounds like typical foreshadowing that they will indeed develop a sexual relationship later in the future, despite the woman's initial refusal. Perhaps she will even reject him several more times before she eventually falls for him. While I support a man asking once, asking multiple times constitutes sexual harassment. Rather than that, I would like to see enthusiastic consent from the woman the first time he asked. Men need to accept "no" the first time, but women also need to learn that it is OK to say "yes" without being shamed.
3
3
Review of Forkman  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

You've painted a vivid picture with your words! I noticed a few small errors here and there, but overall, it was a very entertaining story!

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
4
4
Review of The Whistler  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This story makes me nostalgic for camping trips. The ending sparks my imagination!

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
5
5
Review of Roller-skates  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

You've painted an amazing picture with your words. You have a gift for description.

"reviling" seems like it should be "revealing" in this context

I recommend getting a program that reads aloud to you for proofreading purposes. I use Natural Reader since I bought it many years ago, but these days, you can get tts programs for free or simply access them from your browser. Here is a nice, free one: https://ttsreader.com/

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Freezing  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

I like how this one ends.

Try avoiding forms of the verb “to be” such as is, are, was, were, etc. This is known as passive language. Using more colorful verbs can greatly strengthen your writing.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
7
7
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a good start, but there is not much for me to go on here.

Is this meant to be a test piece or a placeholder? I recommend drafting your story in a separate program such as MS Word, Open Office, or Google Docs and then copying and pasting it when you are ready to share it.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
8
8
Review of Why am I here?  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a lovely introduction. I like how you put it in the form of a poem.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
9
9
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (3.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a good start, but there is not much for me to go on here. Keep writing, and I am sure you will improve rapidly!

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
10
10
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a good start, but there is not much for me to go on here. I noticed that you used "suddenly" three times. I recommend trying to use a greater variety of words.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
11
11
Review of Sentience  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This provides a lot of food for thought and was also very entertaining.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
12
12
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This was very beautiful and simple. I think many people can identify with these emotions.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
13
13
Review of The Reaping  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

You've painted a vivid picture with your words. The disposable camera is indeed very mysterious!

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
14
14
Review of Prussian Blue  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a delightful poem. Personally, the inside of my home is painted seafoam green, so that is home to me.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
15
15
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

I love how this poem is from a non-human perspective. It is good to see things from other points of view.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
16
16
Review of Writer X  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a lovely introduction. I too fall in love with fictional characters.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
17
17
Review of Thursday Thoughts  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a lovely sentiment. This brings to mind many relationships I've had. Some things were only meant to last for a short time.

Watch out for "breathe" vs. "breath." This is a very common mistake I see many authors make.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
18
18
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a delightful description of coffee. I too enjoy a good cup of coffee, and I like it flavored. I like coffee ice cream even better, though.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
19
19
Review of Beginnigs  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a good start, and everyone has to start somewhere.

The title itself has a typo. I recommend getting a program that reads aloud to you for proofreading purposes. I use Natural Reader since I bought it many years ago, but these days, you can get tts programs for free or simply access them from your browser. Here is a nice, free one: https://ttsreader.com/

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
20
20
Review of In The Mist  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This raises a question in my mind, one which I'm sure has an intriguing answer. Why didn't I scream?

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
21
21
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This provides a lot of food for thought. It makes me happier about my life choices. This also reminds me of the beatitudes.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
22
22
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thanks for requesting my review!

The opening lines were very impactful! It's not often I see something that powerful.

Unfortunately, it got rather infodumpy after that. The narrator rambles. He strikes me as very shallow, and this does not endear me to him. In fact, he reminds me a lot of my ex-boyfriend with his experimentation with substances. The most important thing for me is to care about the characters, so this would be a quick reject for me.

On the plus side, it has a very clever twist with the true birth mother revelation. This could do well if it lands in the hands of an editor who identifies with the protagonist.

23
23
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a great start!

Be careful about the difference between breath and breathe. I recommend getting a program that reads aloud to you for proofreading purposes. I use Natural Reader since I bought it many years ago, but these days, you can get tts programs for free or simply access them from your browser. Here is a nice, free one: https://ttsreader.com/

This is not a personal fetish of mine, but I am glad you are writing about what inspires you. I'm honestly not sure why her mom wants her to go in the diaper. We started doing elimination communication with our son at two months. Cleaning him up after he poops in the potty is so much easier! He still wears diapers because we don't always catch it in time, though.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
24
24
Review of An Ounce  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

Experiences like this are why I rejected monogamy and opted for non-monogamy back in 2009. It was the best decision I ever made.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
25
25
Review of Sounds of Silence  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon your work through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is an interesting glimpse into the mind of a stranger. It is good for humans to read about emotions such as these in order to better understand one another.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
I am also running a contest in case you are interested:
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225013...
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