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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/k5rakitan
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1,239 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm the lead editor for a small press and this is my pen name. I'll let you know whether I would have accepted your work as a submission and why or why not. If it's REALLY good, I'll let you know which press I'm with and invite you to submit your work to us. I'm particularly interested in controversial speculative fiction and polyamory a.k.a consensual non-monogamy.
Favorite Genres
Science Fiction, Historical Fiction, Fantasy, Romance, Dystopia, Erotica
Least Favorite Genres
stream of consciousness
Favorite Item Types
Novels, Fraternal Polyandry
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

I love how you described Nutella. My parents wouldn't let me have any of that stuff while I was growing up, but I got some as an adult and it is incredible!

I also love your touch of humor at the end with the asterisks.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
2
2
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a beautiful sentiment. I've grown apart from my best friend, but we've also grown back together after we both experienced significant others with mental disorders.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
3
3
Review of NY City Lights  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This piece has a good rhythm and flows well. However, it is difficult to tease out the meaning. Perhaps it is supposed to mean different things to different readers depending on their perspectives.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
4
4
Review of best friend  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

It's awesome that you have two best friends instead of just one. Please capitalize the first word of every sentence. Also, the yellow text is difficult to read against a white background, so I recommend using yellow highlighting with black text or using a darker color such as blue, green, or purple.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
5
5
Review of My best friend  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This needs more work on grammar, and capitalization, but the meaning comes through clearly. Gabriel sounds very sweet! Most guys I knew while growing up would chicken out after being teased like that.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
6
6
Review of w bio 391  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This sounds kinda like how my husband and his brothers grew up, except my brother was the bully in the scenario and he's not proud of it.

This is some interesting content, but the sudden jump from a narrator talking about his personal life to talking about ancient history confuses me.

The last part looks like a set of notes rather than anything polished for the eyes of readers.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
7
7
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

Moving is incredibly stressful and expensive. I can understand fully why the parents don't want to move. The parents likely have steady jobs, and finding new jobs is difficult and stressful. While moving to a new place can be an adventure, it is much easier when one is single and doesn't have much to leave behind.

The parents should explain these things to Lindsey instead of asking her why she is bringing up the topic.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
8
8
Review of After the Flood  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is chock-full of colorful metaphors. I like the one about the weasels. My dead boyfriend's widow talks about brain weasels too. She's also a fanfiction writer, though she's into different fandoms than I am.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
9
9
Review of The Stars  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

You do an excellent job grabbing the reader's attention by jumping into the action right away. However, I didn't feel much connection to the protagonist. He seems like a generic human. Sometimes this is good, as it lets readers put themselves into the protagonist's shoes. This piece fits well into the science fiction/action genre.

After several minutes, he village lights disappeared, - "he" should be "the"

I wasn't focusing on grammar, but that's all I caught and the rest looks good.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
10
10
Review of build something  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

I like the sentiment here. I think many people could benefit from hearing this advice.

This could use better capitalization and punctuation, but otherwise it is a solid sentence.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
-- Mahatma Gandhi

"We are not merely participants in culture but creators of it."
-- Kari Rakitan

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
11
11
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This poem is delightful, and I think many people can relate to it. We all want to feel treasured and appreciated by someone else. This captures the essence of what many people desire in a relationship.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
12
12
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a lovely, although rather gooey, letter. The language feels very dated and flowery, making me wonder if the average man talked that way or if only the letters of exceptionally talented writers of the time survived as a model for us to emulate.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
13
13
Review of # 1: The Bride  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

Oh wow! This is actually quite arousing. I love indulging in fantasies like this, but I wouldn't actually want to live this much under someone else's control. I love the gender role reversal too.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
14
14
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

Thanks for sharing this! I'm going to share this with my family. My husband and my dad have not been seeing eye-to-eye lately, and we are looking for a new place to live. I don't know if this will help at all or make things more volatile, but I think I'll share it with my mom first and see what she has to say on the matter.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
15
15
Review of A Bear in a Storm  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is short and simple with a simple message. However, the poem seems a little contradictory in the phrasing. "Bears normally like snow" and "This bear lives for the snow . . . He's not your average bear" makes me confused over whether most bears like snow or not.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
16
16
Review of MOM  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

Oh wow, a female preacher? I was raised Catholic, and women are not allowed to be priests in the Catholic Church, so I am very curious about what it is like to attend a service with a female preacher.

I recommend dividing this into smaller paragraphs for easier reading and proofreading a little more carefully.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
17
17
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

Thanks so much for this! I am currently dealing with stress over finding a new place to live, and this poem helps remind me of all the people I have to be grateful for.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
18
18
Review of I WOULD RATHER  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a lovely sentiment. I feel that way in some scenarios, but only with people I trust. I was once in a relationship with someone who hid his meth habit from me for five years, so I recognize that it is important to maintain a certain level of responsibility for my own actions. I still trust other people, but I trust myself more.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
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19
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

I've never been in a position to hire someone, so I have not seen many portfolios like this. However, it seems very clearly written and well-organized.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
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20
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a fun story and quite sensual. However, it seems to end in mid-sentence. This is a great start, though. There are only a few small errors.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
21
21
Review of The Release  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

You do an excellent job with description in this story. I like how the male carries the offspring in this story. Some of the dialogue feels awkward and forced, though.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
22
22
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

I like how mysterious the happenings in this story are. It seems like magic is present and somewhat normal in the world, but why Alex hated having to cast a spell to unlock the door is odd. Is it more about why she's casting that spell rather than the fact that it is magic in the first place?

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
23
23
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a lovely story. The characters are well-developed, and their motivations are clear.

Formatting tip: when writing on the internet, add a blank line between paragraphs. It's standard practice and easier on the eyes. Indentation is used in books for economy of paper, but since paper is not an issue on the internet, we use an extra line.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
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24
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a fun story. I like how, even though the protagonists are abstaining from sex in the present moment, it is still seen as a goal and something to look forward to rather than something dirty.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
25
25
Review of So Long, So Long!  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This poem presents a snapshot of a person. Using "younger" instead of simply "young" makes me wonder whom she is being compared to. Without other characters in the picture, her existence does not make sense. Perhaps that is the entire point the writer wishes to make. If that is the case, it brings to mind a male friend of mine who is constantly moaning about being alone.

Or is the writer looking back at a younger self? This is too obtuse for me to be sure.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
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