Strange name your mother gave you… But, I’m not writing this to criticize your name. I’ve finally had a chance to peruse some of your stuff. I’m not an organized, experienced reviewer as you obviously are, but I know, as a writer, that just having someone read your stuff is a rush. Speaking of rushes, Eden has fallen into quite a climatic life now, hasn’t she…? I don’t usually read erotica, but let me tell you, once I started, I could not stop -- a lot like our poor quavering Eden…
But back to the piece at hand: I enjoyed this. The pacing was good. The dialogue was believable. The reader likes the mother and the boy right away. And even though it’s a light piece, you create just enough tension to keep the reader reading. I like the interaction between Earl and Annette, although I’m not sure that I like the fact that Earl hung his head in defeat. I’d like Earl better if he’d: blew out a puff of air and rubbed at into his temple, before climbing into his car. I would have liked to know exactly how old Thomas is and maybe a slight physical description. Something like: She found him curled up in the back, hiding among the shopping bags, his blonde hair flopped into his eyes. or His red curls bounced vigorously atop his head as his nodded. You get the idea.
I found one typo: "Well, I'll tell what... Should be: "Well, I'll tell you what...
I’m also a little confused by the timeline. You say, last week at Target he managed to disappear three times -- once in the clothes rack, once in the car, and then the third in the backyard (?). But the backyard disappearance seems to be in present time. Am I missing something here? It’s entirely possible that I’m just stupid, but my number one rule of writing is to never make your reader feel stupid! It pisses them off!
Not that this writing piece pissed me off at all! Overall, very enjoyable. I hope to find the time to read more of your stuff. Thanks!