|Let's start off on a positive note: it was captivating. I loved the conveyed feeling of love and joy, especially the familiar feelings most kids have on Christmas eve. Something you have that I didn't when I first began writing is paragraphing; whether it was developed from a different reviewers suggestion or whether you knew already I don't know, but you have the paragraphing right.
now, onto the critique. It might have been my tired eyes, it might have been wording, I don't know, but I found it a bit hard to continuously read the story without jumping from line to line. that's not to say it was boring, but maybe poor word choice.
you had a few times where your wording didn't quite make sense. Maybe you have a different dialect, maybe you aren't quite sure what you were trying to portray yourself, but a couple times I had to stop and re-read the sentence to get what you meant...I'll list a few examples.
"the air was electric with excitement." I know it was a metaphor, but it was a bit tricky to understand. perhaps "the air was static with excitement" or "the air was tense with excitement" fits better, flowing a bit more lie actual wording.
next, there's "I would like to share with all of y'all." again, meaning clear as day, but the wording isn't the best. In my experience, "y'all" means you all, and are you really going to say "all of you all?" instead, maybe "I would like to share with y'all" or "I would like to share with you all" is better.
lastly, the ending. a great story, and ending with the dream was brilliant, but you set it up as a story, with you as the narrator. now, the ending can be considered good...if it was an essay you were writing. wrap up your story in a way that makes it feel a complete story, and not someone writing an essay.
I know, I was probably a bit harsh. normally, I review full positive, with a few things here and there. however, you're the first person who asked me to review, and you added that you wanted me to tell you what you needed to work on. On that note, I also noticed "other" as both story type and genre. I won't tell you what to make them, but if you'd like suggestions let me know!
good job, keep writing!
P.S. sorry about the long review, I wanted to make sure I helped you as much as possible.