| "For A Genius..." 13+: A young man with a remarkable ego learns the true nature of excellence.
You show really well how full of himself, how arrogant and self-centered the main character is. It is really hard to like him or feel any liking for him. Even at the end, I didn’t feel sympathetic to him at all. If there was some hint of weakness or vulnerability or some redeeming characteristic, the reader would feel empathy. However, if you wanted to create a real jerk, you succeeded very well!
“Way to suck, Timmy!” Exactly the sort of expression you’d expect to hear from a teen.
“Because I didn’t think!” How ironic when he obviously perceived himself to be quite the intellectual!
Seventeen years of self-deception flowed from me in that salty concoction…” This is a great metaphor making me think of the self-deception as a poisonous fluid.
I felt mostly disgust at the beginning along with amazement that this guy even had any friends. At the end I was furious with the protagonist – especially since a very close friend of mine was hit by a car driven by a young man later convicted of careless driving. I felt the desperation and fear Chris felt seeing Timmy lying on the road.
Characters & Dialogue:
Using the first person worked really well here to show us how this kid’s mind worked. The setting was typical and realistic. The ending was a surprise yet totally realistic given the character you portrayed.
Suggestions & Comments:
In your comment about Timmy being “drug” along should maybe read “dragged along”? It just sounded really strange.
In the part where the friend asked about the book, it would help if you gave the character a name. Was it Chris or someone else?
At some point in the dialogue, it would help if one of the characters said the name of the main character so the reader has a “label” for him.
Monique from Ottawa, Canada
No matter what, WRITE!}