This was a incredibly heavy read, but so well done. You really captured that 'suffocating' feeling of trying to bury something that doesn't want to stay dead. The line about pain being stored on an 'upper shelf' hit me the hardest—it’s such a perfect way to describe how we try to tuck trauma away where we can't see it. The ending about the 'bitter cost' of remembering really lingers. Thank you for sharing something so raw.
~Emberly Gray~
Great poll! I really appreciate the honesty here. It’s funny how snoring is one of those things almost everyone does, but nobody ever wants to admit to it. The intro about your cat Milo snoring definitely made me smile. It’s a simple, relatable, and well-categorized piece of comedy—thanks for sharing!
~Emberly Gray~
Awe StephBee before I get to my review I just want to add I loved this!! You are an awesome poet and writer!!
~Emberly Gray~
Review: I Think I Do
I really enjoyed the simplicity and honesty of this piece. Capturing that "dazed" feeling of early love is tricky, but you’ve done it in a way that feels very relatable.
What stood out to me:
The Perspective: Choosing to write this from your husband's point of view adds a lot of depth. It makes the lines about being "flattered" and "mumbled" feel much more endearing and authentic.
The Rhythm: There’s a bouncy, almost nervous energy to the short lines. It perfectly mirrors the internal "haze" and "daze" the speaker is experiencing.
The Ending: That final "I think I do" is a great callback to the title and leaves the reader with a genuine sense of a growing connection.
Overall Impression: A lovely, nostalgic look at the start of a relationship. It’s charming and clearly comes from a very heartfelt place.
Review: A Pulse: The Promise
This is a heavy-hitting piece that doesn't shy away from the darker corners of our social structures. What struck me first was the sheer weight of the language—words like "heinous," "juggernaut," and "ghastly" create a sense of inevitable, crushing force. There’s a palpable sense of anger here, specifically toward the "shameful and hideous" contradictions found in a supposedly democratic society.
The metaphor of "crossing critical shorelines" is especially strong; it gives the reader a clear image of a point of no return. The poem feels urgent, like a warning that's being shouted over a loud noise.
If I were to tweak anything, I'd look at the syllable count in some of the longer middle lines. A few of them feel a bit "wordy" compared to the sharp, punchy start of the poem. Tightening those up might help maintain that rhythmic "pulse" you have going in the title. Also, while the abstract descriptions are powerful, I’d love to see one concrete, everyday detail to ground all that high-level fury—it might make the "shame" feel even more personal to the reader.
Overall, it's a bold, uncompromising look at systemic hypocrisy. Great work.
This is a hauntingly brief piece that captures a specific moment of disorientation. The imagery of a wristwatch "cracked into meaningless spins" is a strong metaphor for how trauma or sudden change can completely sever our connection to the "normal" flow of the world.
My Impression
The poem is effective because it doesn’t over-explain. You’ve used the physical destruction of the watch to represent a psychological state—where the "ever-changing angles" of the hands no longer tell us where we are in our day or our lives. It feels very claustrophobic and honest.
Tips for Improvement
• The Title: "Gone" is a bit of a placeholder title. Given the focus on the watch, something like Chronology or The Angle of the Spin might give the reader a more specific hook before they even dive into the lines.
• Expansion: If you wanted to lengthen this, you could contrast the "meaningless spins" of the watch with the "meaningful" routine the narrator used to have. What did they do when the numbers weren't just "ticking"?
• Punctuation: I noticed there isn't a period at the end. If that was an intentional choice to show that time is still spinning out of control, I think it works well. If not, a finality there might emphasize the "cracked" nature of the moment.
Overall, it’s a sharp, evocative snippet of a poem.
Awesome Job!
Hello Rishi,
I came across this on random review. I hope you appreciate my feedback as much as I enjoyed reading it!!
Overall Impression:
This is a incredibly heavy and relatable piece. I really liked the way you personified emotions like Fear, Agony, and Loneliness as if they are living things that "lust" or "hunger" for more of the speaker’s energy. It creates a very claustrophobic feeling that captures the reality of internal struggle perfectly. The shift at the end to the puppet metaphor was a great way to close out the poem with a bigger philosophical question.
Tips for Improvement:
The only thing that pulled me out of the flow slightly was the punctuation. You use a lot of semicolons in places where a comma—or no punctuation at all—might let the rhythm feel a bit more fluid (for example, "Yearns; for more").
In the fifth stanza, the word "surprises" felt a little soft compared to the more aggressive words like "devours" or "thrives" used earlier. You might try a verb that feels a bit more intrusive to match that "creeping" sensation you described.
Great job on this, Rishi. It’s a very raw and honest Philosophy piece!
This is the first review I’ve ever done on the how to or the coaching. Hope you accept my feedback.
The Prep Instructions for the Coaching Team provide a well-structured framework for managing the 2026 October Novel Prep Challenge. The guidelines effectively balance administrative oversight with active community engagement.
Overall Impression
The instructions are clear, professional, and highlight a strong emphasis on teamwork and reliability. By establishing a dedicated private forum for coaches, the system ensures that the behind-the-scenes planning is as robust as the public-facing support.
Strengths
• Structured Hierarchy: Explicitly defining the duties of the Coaching Coordinator versus the Writing Coaches prevents role confusion and ensures the forum has "around-the-clock" coverage.
• Proactive Engagement: The requirement for coaches to not only answer questions but also initiate discussions for the next day's assignment keeps the community active and forward-thinking.
• Collaborative Support: The "TEAM" approach—tagging others for difficult questions or delegating to Cheerleaders for emotional support—ensures that coaches don't feel overwhelmed by high-needs participants.
Tips for Improvement
• Shift Transitioning: While the instructions mention checking for the last leader's reply, the process could be streamlined. You might consider adding a "Handover Thread" in the private forum where departing coaches can leave a quick bulleted note on any ongoing high-priority discussions.
• Resource Centralization: Since coaches are encouraged to link relevant articles or videos, creating a "Resource Bank" folder within the coordinator's tools could help newer coaches quickly find high-quality prompts to share.
Review of "Rebuilding"
This is a deeply moving and resilient piece of poetry. You’ve captured the heavy, often invisible burden of trauma with striking clarity, yet managed to steer the narrative toward a powerful sense of agency and hope.
Overall Impression
The poem effectively balances the "shadows" of the past with the "glowing" potential of the future. The transition from the feeling of being trapped in a "room made of thoughts" to the active process of "rebuilding" feels earned and authentic. It doesn’t minimize the pain, which makes the ultimate message of strength feel much more resonant.
Strengths
• Powerful Imagery: The metaphor of the "room made of thoughts" with "ceilings made from shame" is evocative and relatable. It perfectly describes the claustrophobia of internal struggle.
• The "Stubborn Whisper": Using the word "stubborn" to describe the will to keep going is a fantastic choice. It suggests that hope isn't always a bright, easy thing—sometimes it’s just a persistent refusal to give up.
• Reframing Healing: Your definition of healing—"learning to live without letting the past steer my life"—is a profound insight that will likely stick with many readers.
Tips for Improvement
• Pacing in the Middle: The stanza starting with "I walked through days..." is a bit more conventional than your other, more unique metaphors. You might consider sharpening the imagery there to match the "ceilings made from shame" line.
• Rhythmic Flow: In the final stanza, the transition from "the strength of standing back up" to "the promise that one day" is slightly long. Reading it aloud might help you find a way to tighten the meter to give the ending more punch.
Final Thought
The closing image of growing wings "not to run away, but to rise" is a beautiful, triumphant note to end on. This poem is a testament to the courage of staying.
Hey PureSciFi,
I came across your piece through the random review. Your short science fiction piece, The Rock of Death, captures a heavy, terminal moment in a space setting. Here is my review, I hope you accept my opinion on the narrative and technical execution:
Overall Impression
The story leans into a classic sci-fi "doom" trope. It effectively builds a sense of hopelessness as the crew realizes they have no escape. The ending is abrupt and punchy, leaving the reader with a stark image of the character’s final thoughts being centered on a personal connection (the picture).
Strengths
• Pacing: The dialogue-heavy approach moves the plot quickly toward the inevitable collision, which fits the "few minutes" timeline described.
• Emotional Hook: Focusing on the pictures of loved ones at the end adds a human element to a high-concept sci-fi disaster.
Areas for Improvement
• Technical Terminology: The story uses the terms "Comet" and "large rock" interchangeably. Scientifically, comets are mostly ice and dust with a visible tail (coma), while asteroids are rocky. Clarifying the nature of the object or the specific "pull" it has on the ship (perhaps a gravitational anomaly) would add depth to the "Hard Sci-Fi" feel.
• Grammar and Mechanics:
• Punctuation: Several sentences are missing commas, particularly after introductory phrases (e.g., "A few minutes later, PyRot was...").
• Word Choice: In the sentence "The effects of that Comet was already affecting thm," "was" should be "were" to match the plural subject "effects," and "thm" is a typo for "them."
• Dialogue Tags: Many of the dialogue tags use "said." Varying these or using action beats (e.g., Haivin gripped the arm of his chair. "Then we have to go around it.") could help convey the characters' mounting panic or resignation.
Key Questions for the Author
The story ends with "The End?", which suggests a possible sequel or a twist. Was the "pull" of the comet actually a tractor beam or something intentional, rather than just a natural disaster?
Hello Samm,
I came across your poem on the read and review. I enjoyed your poem. I've also written about addiction if you'd like to read my poems on the subject your more than welcome to check it out. Rising from Rock Bottom item#2350172 if you do decide to read it let me know what you think.
Overall Impression:The poem feels like a sigh of relief mixed with a lingering ache. You’ve done a great job of contrasting the "clean" feeling of leaving medications behind with the "rough ride" of the emotional journey. The metaphor of clinging to hope being like "eating leftovers" is particularly striking—it suggests that hope can feel stale or insufficient when you're truly struggling.
Strengths: The Bridge Metaphor: The "hidden bridge" is a powerful image. It suggests a private turning point that others might not see.
The "Mirror" Stanza: This is the strongest part of the poem. The idea that writing is a form of deliverance, yet the mirror still tells a truth "when no one’s watching," is a very relatable and haunting concept for any creator.
Rhyme Scheme: You maintained a consistent $A-B-A-B$ pattern that gives the poem a rhythmic, song-like quality, which helps balance the heavy subject matter.
Areas for Improvement Choice & Flow: In the final stanza, the rhyme of "wrote" and "thought" is a "slant rhyme" (they don't sound exactly the same). If you want a tighter finish, you might look for a word that rhymes more closely with "wrote," or adjust the phrasing to match the rhythm of the previous stanzas.
Punctuation: The poem currently uses very little punctuation. While this can work for a "stream of consciousness" style, adding a few commas or periods could help the reader know exactly where you want them to pause for breath.
Final Thought the title "Deliverance" fits perfectly. It feels like you are processing a transition from being "treated" to actually trying to "heal" through your own words.
"I Bleed in Ink" is a hauntingly beautiful poem that uses vivid, surreal imagery to explore the intersection of pain, memory, and the grounding power of love.
Key Strengths
• Evocative Imagery: You establish a powerful atmosphere immediately with phrases like "bruised in shades of dusk" and "swirling storm of violet flame". The metaphor of a "tree of ink" with leaves made of "pages torn and dark" is a brilliant representation of the writing process as a form of survival.
• Emotional Resilience: The poem strikes a delicate balance between despair and hope. While the narrator feels "chained to hope" and "bound by flame," the introduction of "my son’s light" as a tether provides a moving and relatable reason for their continued perseverance.
• Rhythmic Flow: The structured stanzas and consistent rhyme scheme (such as sky/die and remain/flame) create a steady, almost melodic pace that mirrors the narrator’s determined "climb".
Impactful Stanza
The third stanza is particularly striking:
"A tree of ink and twisted bark / stands rooted in this dreamlike land. / Its leaves are pages torn and dark, / each glowing with a trembling hand."
This imagery perfectly captures the physical and emotional weight of putting one's history onto paper.
Overall Impression: This is a deeply personal piece that resonates because it doesn't just describe pain—it describes the active choice to keep moving through it.
Overall Impression
Home is a deeply moving and evocative poem that captures a spiritual journey from isolation and despair to a sense of belonging and worth. The transition from the "cold" and "gold" storm to the warmth of being "gifted" a life is handled with significant emotional weight. It is an honest and powerful expression of faith.
What Works Well
• Powerful Imagery: The contrast between the chaotic "storm" and the gentleness of a "dandelion in the palm of a child" creates a striking visual shift that underscores the speaker's fragility and eventual safety.
• Emotional Arc: The frantic repetition of "i still need-" effectively mirrors the panic of losing one's way before the final, calming resolution of "Come Home".
• Thematic Depth: You successfully subvert the idea of being "faulty" or "unusable" by redefining worth through divine love and grace rather than personal performance.
Suggestions for Improvement
• Punctuation and Capitalization: I noticed a shift from standard capitalization in the beginning to lowercase ("i", "i’m") in the middle sections. If this was a stylistic choice to show the speaker’s shrinking sense of self, it works quite well! However, if it was unintentional, you may want to standardize it for a more consistent finish.
• The Storm Paradox: In the first stanza, the speaker calls the storm a "mess you made," but later the voice says the storm was given to show "God-given worth". This is a profound point; adding a few more lines to bridge how the mess becomes a tool for showing worth could make that revelation feel even more earned.
Final Thoughts
This is a beautiful piece that will surely resonate with many readers in the Relationship and Religious genres. Thank you for sharing such a personal and hopeful work.
Overall Impression
The entry is a helpful "life-hack" style post for writers who struggle with messy first drafts. It is encouraging and written in a direct, accessible voice that makes technology feel less intimidating. The author, Muttley, successfully highlights a personal pain point—rough drafts in 2025—and offers a clear solution found in December 2025.
Strengths
• Clear Instructions: The step-by-step numbering makes the process very easy to follow.
• Relatability: Admitting that drafts were "rough" makes the author relatable to other writers.
• Efficiency: The claim that it takes "five minutes or less" to improve your writing is a strong hook for busy authors.
Tips for Improvement
• Visual Aid: While the text mentions "Look above to see how I used Dynalist," adding a Portfolio Image of a sample list would reinforce the instructions.
• Formatting: Since this is a tutorial-style post, using WritingML to bold the steps or add a horizontal rule between the story and the instructions could improve the layout.
• Engagement: Adding a question at the end, such as "What tools do you use for your rough drafts?", could encourage more community interaction in the Review Forum.
I came across this read through read & review. I found this poem to be a romantic poem, A Love So Perfect by Tim Chiu, is a sweet and sincere tribute to a partner. It captures the essence of a "soulmate" connection through a classic, sentimental lens.
Strengths
Heartfelt Tone: The poem feels deeply personal and genuine. Words like "blessed," "purest of hearts," and "joyful of souls" convey a strong sense of devotion.
Clear Narrative: It follows a lovely progression from the initial spark of meeting ("eyes sparkled") to a committed, lifelong promise.
Accessibility: The language is simple and direct, making the emotions easy for any reader to relate to and understand.
Areas for Reflection
Word Choice: The poem relies heavily on "telling" rather than "showing." For example, using "perfect," "ideal," and "special" tells the reader the relationship is great, but specific imagery—like a shared habit or a particular memory—could help the reader feel that perfection more vividly.
Structure: It reads more like a "prose poem" or a heartfelt letter. Experimenting with a consistent rhyme scheme or more varied line lengths could give it a more melodic, lyrical quality.
Overall Impression
It is a charming piece of Romance/Love poetry that would likely be very moving to the person it was written for. It successfully communicates a sense of gratitude and loyalty.
Review Draft: A Journey of Faith and Resilient Service
Overall Impression: This memoir is a deeply moving and sincere reflection on a life defined by quiet resilience, faith, and a commitment to helping others. The author successfully captures the essence of a "life well lived" through a series of personal anecdotes that range from humorous childhood memories to profound spiritual experiences. It is an excellent legacy piece that demonstrates how extraordinary a life can be when measured by kindness and duty.
Strengths:
Authentic Voice: The narrative feels personal and honest. Including small, humanizing details—like the "mean" attitude of not holding his future wife's hand at a football game—makes the author very relatable.
Emotional Depth: The section regarding Jaylene is particularly touching. The description of the "profound silence" that followed her passing adds a layer of vulnerability that resonates with the reader.
Compelling Climax: The account of waking from a coma with a blood sugar reading of 1248 is a powerful testament to the author's faith and provides a strong spiritual anchor for the story.
Tips for Improvement:
Address Repetition: There is a minor repetitive sentence regarding Jaylene’s education: "She told me she lived near Shelley, Idaho, and mentioned she had graduated from Shelley High School" appears twice in succession. Removing the duplicate would improve the professional polish of the piece.
Pacing Transitions: The shift from his career in special education to the introduction of his wife, Jaylene, feels a bit abrupt. Adding a single sentence to bridge his professional life with his personal search for a partner would help the narrative flow more smoothly.
Hello, I came across this on Read & Review.
Overall Impression
The poem tells a clear, heartfelt story about Jason, a man who discovers that the more he gives to others, the more he is provided for by a higher power. It effectively uses a narrative structure to move from the character's physical exhaustion to his spiritual renewal. The message—that helping others is a "pleasure" but also a "toll" that requires divine strength to maintain—is one that many readers will find relatable and moving.
Strengths
• Clear Narrative Arc: You do an excellent job of setting the scene in the snowy copse and using flashbacks to explain how Jason reached that point of exhaustion.
• Relatable Characterization: Jason is portrayed as a humble man who helps others even when he feels he has nothing left to give, making him an easy protagonist to root for.
• Thematic Consistency: The poem stays focused on its core message of faith and service from the first stanza to the last.
Tips for Improvement
• Punctuation and Flow: There are a few places where missing punctuation (like a period at the end of the ninth stanza) or the choice of word order (e.g., "Fatigued he was") feels slightly forced to maintain the rhyme. Smoothing these out could help the poem read more naturally.
• Show, Don't Tell: While the narrative is clear, adding more sensory details about the "gift" itself or the specific emotions Jason feels during his interactions might deepen the reader's connection to the story.
• Rhyme Scheme Consistency: Most of the poem follows an AABB or ABCB pattern, but some stanzas feel a bit tighter than others. Reviewing the syllable count (meter) of each line can help ensure a consistent "musical" quality throughout the piece.
Hello, I came across this in Read & Review. This poem, Non-Appeasement: All Out Acts of War, offers a stark, urgent commentary on modern geopolitics and national defense.
Overall Impression
The piece effectively captures a sense of global instability and "impending annals of dissolution". It uses strong, evocative language—such as "clouds of infamy" and "misfit makers"—to establish a tone of serious concern regarding the current state of diplomacy and international relations.
Strengths
• Strong Imagery: The contrast between "shredded and shady diplomacy" and the "silver tassels" of tradition creates a vivid picture of a world moving away from peaceful negotiation toward conflict.
• Topical Relevance: By specifically mentioning tensions in Asia, Europe, and the Middle East, the poem feels grounded in real-world current events.
• Vocabulary: The use of precise, high-level terminology like "verity," "perpetuity," and "formidable obstruction" adds an intellectual weight to the speaker's argument.
Tips for Improvement
• Rhythm and Flow: Some stanzas, particularly the third and fifth, contain very long lines that can disrupt the reading pace. Consider breaking some of these into shorter lines to maintain a more consistent "heartbeat" or cadence.
• Clarity of Metaphor: Phrases like "gypsy, peach-like, golden rays" are beautiful but feel slightly disconnected from the gritty, military tone of the rest of the poem. Integrating these more clearly into the broader theme of "national defense" could make the imagery feel more cohesive.
This poem, Someone I Know by Elisa, Snowman Stik, is a rhythmic and melancholic exploration of a mind adrift.
Strengths
• Interlocking Structure: The use of repetitive line linking (taking the middle line of one stanza and making it the first line of the next) creates a drifting, cyclical feeling that perfectly matches the subject's "slothlike pace".
• Vivid Imagery: Phrases like "drifts like a snowflake" and "twirling her hair" provide clear, delicate visuals that contrast sharply with the heavier ending of the "mind collapsing".
• Atmosphere: The setting "in front of the fireplace" adds a sense of warmth and stillness, making the internal "collapse" feel more intimate and quiet.
Observations & Ideas
• The Final Stanza: The poem breaks its established three-line structure in the final stanza, expanding to four lines to conclude the piece. This creates a definitive sense of an ending or a "stop" to the drifting.
• Word Choice: The shift from the whimsical "snowflake" to the derogatory "flakes" in the final stanza adds a layer of frustration or judgment from the narrator's perspective.
In this chapter of Danica #1687 in Elysium, the author skillfully navigates the "morning after" a major emotional shift, blending world-building with a deep dive into the protagonist's complex family dynamics.
Strengths
• The Journaling Device: Starting with a journaling exercise is a clever way to bridge the gap between Danica’s internal thoughts and the narrative. It provides immediate context for her resentment toward her mother and her lingering feelings for Gavin.
• Atmospheric Detail: The description of the "withdrawal" from the "devil’s drug" and the "chowder" routine makes the world of Elysium feel lived-in and tangible.
• Dialogue and Conflict: The conversation between Danica and Diane is painfully authentic. The "thinly veiled disappointment" and the passive-aggressive comments about Danica not having children perfectly capture a strained mother-daughter relationship.
Observations & Ideas
• The "All-Wise" Dynamic: The AI/System character, All-Wise, acts as both a caretaker and a nagging conscience. The way it pushes Danica to see her mother adds a layer of societal or technological pressure to her personal life.
• Character Arc: Danica’s frustration with herself for not being more "assertive" or "backboned" makes her relatable. She is trapped between her desire for a better life and the apathy that seems to plague her society.
Questions for the Author
• The Social Pod: Is this a place we will see Danica visit soon? It sounds like a pivotal location for the society's structure.
• Daenerys's Adventures: The meta-commentary on Danica's own writing is great. Will the plot of her "novel" continue to mirror her actual life in Elysium?
I’d like to join your group if you’d accept me. Thanks so much!!!
Tbh: I’m not sure if I’m doing this right for trying to join this group. I’m new here.
This short essay, Happiness Lies in Little Things in Life, is a refreshing and gentle reminder of the power of mindfulness. Its strength lies in its simplicity and the relatable imagery of new growth on a plant.
Strengths
• Relatable Imagery: Using the bougainvillea shoots as a metaphor for hidden joy is very effective. It grounds the abstract concept of "happiness" in a physical, visual experience.
• Clear Call to Action: The final paragraph moves beyond personal anecdote to invite the reader to set their own intention, making the piece feel interactive and purposeful.
• Sincere Tone: The "Aha!" and the direct address to "Friends" create a warm, conversational atmosphere that suits the subject matter perfectly.
Areas for Improvement
• Sentence Structure: The second paragraph is technically a fragment. Connecting "Just now returned..." to the following sentence or rephrasing it would improve the flow (e.g., "I just now returned from a walk on the terrace, where I felt uplifted by the tiny shoots...").
• Punctuation: The use of multiple exclamation points and ellipses is effective for conveying excitement, but using them more sparingly can sometimes make the "Aha!" moment feel even more impactful.
• Elaboration: While the brevity is a strength, you might consider adding one more "little thing" to show that these moments are everywhere—perhaps the sound of the wind or the warmth of the sun—to further reinforce the theme.
Overall Impression
It is a lovely, bite-sized piece of uplifting prose that serves its purpose well. It doesn't overcomplicate the message, leaving the reader with a clear, positive thought to carry into their day.
Overall Impression
The piece functions beautifully as a meditation on the night sky. It captures a specific, fleeting moment of "importance" by contrasting the vastness of the universe with the smallness of human perception. The tone is hushed and reverent, perfectly matching the title.
Strengths
Inventive Metaphor: Describing an "infant moon" as a "mere cuticle" is a brilliant use of physical, intimate imagery to describe something celestial.
Whimsical Connections: The reference to the "Cheshire cat grin" and the "chortle" of the stars adds a layer of surrealist charm that keeps the poem from feeling too heavy.
Sensory Depth: The shift from visual cues like "raccoon eyes" to the auditory command to "Hush. Listen" creates a full sensory immersion for the reader.
Atmospheric Ending: The final lines regarding the "orchestrations of the universe" leave the reader in a state of wonder, effectively making the vast universe feel like a private performance.
Tips for Improvement
Line Breaks: The transition between the "milky gold" and "celestial soup" could potentially be tightened to enhance the rhythmic "sip" the poem describes.
Clarifying the "Finger": The line "Finger thinking about pointing" is intriguing but slightly more abstract than the other concrete metaphors; connecting it more clearly to the moon's shape might strengthen the visual flow.
Overall Impression
The poem feels like a modern myth, striking a beautiful balance between a lullaby and a legendary tale. The rhythm is steady and soothing, making it an excellent choice for a children's bedtime story. It effectively personifies "The Dreaming One" as a gentle, cosmic guardian of imagination.
Strengths
Vivid Imagery: Phrases like "hair was spun from comet trails" and "trees would gleam with violet fire" create a rich, fantasy world that is easy for a child to visualize.
Strong Metaphor: The idea of placing a "spark behind your ear" or a "lantern" glowing within is a lovely way to describe the spark of creativity and the comfort of dreams.
Rhythmic Flow: The AABB and ABAB rhyme schemes are handled naturally, maintaining a "soft" sound that matches the mythology of the character.
Emotional Resonance: The penultimate stanza, which addresses when "stars grow dim and hope feels small," adds a layer of depth and reassurance that transcends a simple nursery rhyme.
Suggestions for Improvement
Pacing in the Third Stanza: The line "And sometimes brought a whisper back / Wrapped in silence, soft and slack" feels a bit heavier than the rest. Consider a word other than "slack" to maintain the ethereal quality of the poem.
Formatting: While the dashes (⸻) separate the thoughts well, if this were to be published as a physical book, these sections would make perfect page breaks for illustrations.
Summary
The Dreaming One is a heartfelt piece of poetry that captures the magic of the night. It offers a sense of security and inspiration, reminding readers—both young and old—that even when the world feels dark, there is a "girl made soft of light" watching over our dreams.
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