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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kjtw
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6 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Calling  
Review by J. Bateman
Rated: E | (4.0)
i found this to be an interesting read... i got into the call center environment (debt collection) almost 10 years ago, and here I remain. Sometimes I enjoy the job, other times I loathe it. Your closing paragraph seems to be the philosophy of everyone I work with.
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Review by J. Bateman
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
wow. i'm usually not a fan of this particular genre, but by the end i found myself craving more. your use of simile, metaphor, and personification is powerful, and you have a strong grasp of how to bring characters to life in just a few passages. i could easily see the scenery and the people, and i could empathize with the emotions you portrayed. very well done. again, i have to say that your similes are creative, accurate, and potent.
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Review of Stargazing  
Review by J. Bateman
Rated: E | (4.5)
nice misdirection there! i like your word choice throughout. it's short, concise, and to the point. good!
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Review by J. Bateman
Rated: E | (3.5)
overall this is a pleasant narrative to read. I particularly liked your last paragraph and how you brought together all the sensory elements and compared it to the snowfall.

that being said, be mindful of your word choice. in the first paragraph alone, you used the term "hot" twice. Although an accurate term, consider some detail and variety. I note that you used "sweltering heat" as a descriptor. I've experienced summer in the Carolinas, and the heat can be overbearing. Balmy. Humid. The air is heavy, praying for the release of a storm to lighten it's burden, etc.

i think if you carry this thought throughout, you can add some additional depth, creativity, and "picture-painting" to the story, drawing the reader in to think, "yes, i know EXACTLY what he's talking about!"
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Review of Two Sides  
Review by J. Bateman
Rated: E | (4.0)
Great concept. I would like to see this drawn out into more of a narrative, possibly showing the devil's feelings rather than telling them. Work the monologue into a bigger piece, and this could develop into something much stronger.
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