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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kmac390
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99 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Afternoon! Sand Castles Shopgirl here.
Just to get this but if info out of the way, I am a sucker for a good Christmas story. I love the Hallmark Christmas movies and this story is right up their alley. Ok. Confession done.

I thoroughly enjoyed this story. The setting was spot on and your descriptions of heavy winter snows observed from behind a steering wheel resonated well. Moving the story along through the use of dialogue between Nick and Berta was well done. I have only one nit-picky thing. I think you might want to fix the spelling of defenseless. In the story you spelled it with a "c". Other than that, I would not change a thing.

These words and observations are for you to use or not as you see fit. Again, wonderful story. Hope you have some more holiday magic to flow from your keyboard.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sand Castles Shopgirl here. I hope I can stop laughing long enough to write this review!
I chose this one because I am a retired dog groomer and am well acquainted with the pretentious of the dog show circuit. Having attended the Westminster show a few times, I can almost see the same set of shenanigans taking place there. This piece was a hoot!

This is only my humble opinion, and I am sure there may be others who disagree, but I would not change a thing. You captured the dog show scenario well. Your descriptions of how the rest of the universe reacted to the Jeffords was great.
Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Coffee Critters  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Morning! Sand Castles Shopgirl here! You made me smile this morning! I love the use of Alliteration in the beginning and your rhyme is spot on. I can find nothing that needs improving. All that being said...

This immediately brought to mind a complaint my mother always voiced when we were growing up....there was a gremlin in the house that would only leave one cookie in a box, one mouthful of milk in the container or if the gremlin was in a particularly mischievous frame of mind...would put the EMPTY containers back in place. It never failed to set her off, lol!

So, long story short, I loved your poem! Write on!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Wonders of a Pond  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Morning! Sand Castles Shopgirl here. I love the imagery created here. We once owned a home in the Pocono mountains and our house fronted a pond. Every summer, water lilies made an appearance. As the winds would ripple the water in the sunlight, it would look like the water lilies were moving. Your poem brought back those images in full color to me. Nicely done. I am giving it five stars for the imagery evoked and the syllable format. I am still learning the art of Haiku and love it when I see someone create a picture with so few words.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good morning, Shopgirl here. Very clever! The rhythm is spot on. It brought a smile to start my morning. I can find nothing at all that should be changed.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with October NaNo Prep Challenge Gr...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Nothing helps like a good visual. If you can get your hands on some of the videos...watch Boardwalk Empire. Yes, it does revolve around Atlantic City and the Prohibition era, but Al Capone holds his own in the series as the crime boss of Chicago. Plenty of period architecture, couture, and history. The women's fashions are pretty cool too!
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In affiliation with Pink Fluffy Unicorn Pinky Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations to all the winners and participants!
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Review of Emma  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Evening. Sand Castles Shopgirl here and I offer my humble opinion of your story. Any suggestions and recommendations are for you to use or discard as you wish.

How well you have described the way a story captures its writer. Ideas, like talons, gripping the author until they are placed on a page or computer screen. Emma's frenzy to get the story out resonates all too well with me.

I loved how you tied in the dreaded "Grammar Police" via her character come to life!!! Nice touch. I also liked how the monster finally came to the conclusion he couldn't scare Emma. Our characters tend to be bossy creations and forget who is really the boss, lol!

The ending was perfect...going out for a drink, indeed! You have the makings of a really great story with that scenario.

I could find nothing to nit pick. Just keep writing! This was a really good read and the end made me laugh.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Resting Stone  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Unratable.)
Hello, Sorji. Sand Castles Shopgirl here and I am offering a review of your story. Any suggestions or recommendations are for you to consider or discard as you see fit.

While no time or place is definite, the scenario could be anywhere, at any time along the timeline of history. Your faceless, nameless narrator, who represents anyone and everyone, has experienced an invasion or war raid. He/she chronicles the injustice inflicted on his or her tribe/country with such sadness and disbelief.

His/her questions are timeless. Questions one could imagine the survivors of conquests or incursions asking in the aftermath of such tragedy. The unanswerable question of WHY? But despite your depiction of the harm that mankind inflicts upon his fellow man something survives among the fallen stones. An ephemeral spark that survives not in the fallen stones, but in the bones of the builders. That spark is hope. Despite the helplessness and defeat so aptly described in your story, one of your survivors found the spark and courage to give it room to grow.

Your story, as I see it, needs nothing to improve its telling. My only suggestions would be a few spelling changes.
The word in the story "hurdling" I would change to hurtling. And your use of "alters" I would change to altars.

Other than that, I found your story moving and well written. Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This works for me! 😆
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In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good morning! Sand Castles Shopgirl here. Any suggestions or comments here are for you to use or discard as you choose.

I was captivated by your description of the sea. Giving it a life of its own, feelings and emotions of its own I thought well done. I have often heard the admonition of never turning your back to the waves whenever visiting the islands of Hawaii. The twist added here works well with the beginning of your story and the idea of the ocean as a sentient being.
You cast Bronagh well, as a person trying to separate themselves from their beginnings. Only to realize those beginnings stay with us all our lives.
The early teachings of appeasing the sea seemed to take root for Bronagh as shown in her artwork offered up to the waves.
Your opening chapter is a wonderful hook. Bronson seems a complicated character that will need to learn to balance the old with the new.
Perhaps a bit more physical description of your characters and perhaps the time and island itself could be included here.
I think you have the makings of a lovely story here!
Signature image for finalist in the 2017 Quill Awards


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with New Horizons Academy Student R...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Poor Gemma! Hi Angel, Shopgirl here. You have described well the sense of helplessness that poor little girl is feeling. The sadness and loneliness she feels is palpable. Her wisdom beyond her years only makes her feel it more acutely. You have a good grasp on making your reader really root for this little girl to be rescued and finally undedstood. All the while, your reader is still trying to figure out just how the drugs the into Gemma's ability. Write on!!!
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In affiliation with New Horizons Academy Student R...  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Angel, Shopgirl here.

Wow! Gemma's secret is out...at least to Bobby and your readers. Your descriptions of the evacuation center and how the people reacted to the situation are quite believeable. But letting everyone in on Gemma's special ability opens the doors to even more questions about just went on with her mother.

So many questions and so much anticipation! Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with New Horizons Academy Student R...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Angel..Shopgirl here. I am really intrigued by your little girl Gemma. She seems almost too good to be true. Your descriptions of her are vivid and well done. She is almost eerily self-possessed. Your depiction of everyone's unease is nicely shown. Throw in Gemma's nearly psychic abilities and her inability to let everyone know what she sees and you have set up a spooky situation. That drug cocktail that her mother took...going for the conspiracy theory here...was her mother experimented on? I am interested in what happens next...what happens when THEY figure out about Gemma's special abilities.

This will be quite a tale!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Our characters can be such demanding entities! MayFlowers Shopgirl here. This is so spot on and I love it! Sometimes I wonder if those who populate our daily lives ever think we are just a bit crazy, lol. I know my hubbie tends to look at me a bit funny when I get frustrated with my writing and complain that the characters are giving me a hard time.

I see nothing that needs changing here! I can almost see one of your characters wagging a finger at you like a mother scolding a slightly naughty child. Keep in writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with New Horizons Academy Student R...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I had enjoyed reading the John Jakes series when I was much younger than I am today. I had forgotten how much history he was able to pack into a story by his use of his characters in the specific time period and their dialog. I think I might be needing a trip to the library and dig up some of his books for a re-read this summer.
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Review of SPAZZZ  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You put to paper, what most people only think. I love this!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Spiced Jellybeans Shopgirl here.

I have always been fascinated with the Ancient history of Egypt. As I have travelled to the Ancient sites of the Incas and Aztec and the passage tombs of Ancient Ireland and the site of Stonehenge in England, I am in awe of the knowledge and skills and technologies used by our ancestors. From Rome and Greece and Ephesus and Isatanbul, our ancestors were engineers of tremendous skill.
The fact that astronomy played a major role in all these sites raises many questions and speculations. All of those leading to some fantastic writing prompts.

That being said, reading your pieces on Nefertiti, and Tutankamen I am impressed with you grasp of the Ancient history. If I may ask, are you of Egyptian descent?
I seem to detect a bit of a struggle with the use of English, but do not let that deter you. Your grasp of history is something to be proud of and I found your journey through the halls of Ancient history quite interesting. Keep in writing!




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This made me really laugh out loud this morning, waking up the dog and the hubbie. Me thinks you speak from much experience.


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Review of Christmas Eve  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Jacky...Shamrock Shopgirl here.

You started by painting what seemed to be the scene replicated by many families every Christmas Eve. One of both parents putting the finishing touches on what they hope will be the perfect Christmas for their children and families.

You lull the reader with your take until he last paragraph. That was a twist I did not see coming and what an ending it was! Gives new meaning to the phrase, Holiday Shopping.

My only suggestion would be to put some indication
after the fourth paragraph to show the change of times in the story. This suggestion for you to use or not as you see fit. Well done.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Freedom  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Hunters Moon...Shamrock Shopgirl here.

What a lovely image you paint here! You make use of your syllables per line very well. If you had not mentioned your image was a hummingbird, I would had guessed at the Green Heron. Equating flight and freedom is done well here. I like the image of feeling the wind of their wings in your hair. Lovely poem!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Not one of us can move forward until we learn to let go of the past. "Let the dead bury the dead" as the saying goes. Or they most assuredly will come to bury us.

Well said. I can find nothing to argue with in your commentary. Only a request for reason. Well said.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of AN UNKIND REVIEW!  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sorry to see that something like that happened. Just as in our personal dealings, there is no need to be nasty on paper or the computer screen. And yes, if a reviewer wants to criticize, suggestions should be offered to help.
Don't give up on the rest of the lovely people who populate this site. There will always be one bad apple. As the song says, "Let it go."

5 stars for the courage to point out a wrong.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Sayanora Lenore!  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Christmas in July Shopgirl here! Wonderfully done! In keeping with Mr. Poe's style and cadence you have crafted a very imaginative story line. In the brief space of a few stanzas, you have given enough description to your characters to make them so real. Not an easy feat to pull off. I really liked the twist at the end! He won't be worrying about Lenore anymore!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Fat  
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Morning, Salt Water Taffy Shopgirl here. I have walked in your shoes more miles than I can tell you. The only time I was very thin in my life, some of my family that I was battling anorexia. And yes, I was pretty sick all the time too.
You really highlight the dilemma weight challenged people face. You give voice to the pain and frustration very well. The problem mostly being the judgement of other people.
It took a long time for me to realize that most people are just so petty and insecure, that the only way to feel good about themselves is to denigrate others. Sad commentary on our fellow man. I have also developed a sharp tongue and will use it when necessary. More importantly, I have come to accept that I do my best to be healthy. All things in moderation and if people can not accept me for me, that is their loss, not mine. I feel very sorry for them mostly and wonder why they are so unhappy that they need to make others so miserable about themselves.
Chin up! Keep working on being healthy in ALL aspects of your life. Remember, the biggest weight loss you will ever have is losing the weight of living up to others expectations. It's time to start giving your expectations the precedence they deserve.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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