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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lav_ish
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Girl by the Sea  
Review by lav_ish
Rated: E | (4.0)
Obviously leaves a lot to the imagination. I sort of like that, though, I've got a beautiful picture in my mind of this girl with long hair, smelling of salt water, with beautiful blue eyes and silky slippers.
It's a prompt more than anything, but it's pretty.
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Review of The Triangle  
Review by lav_ish
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great tribute to someone who is undoubtedly a great woman... You should share this with her if you haven't already.

There is something about your third stanza that I find not quite right from a reader's POV, as this reads like a memoir maybe there is just more to it that we are not aware of. Anyway, the part I find difficult is this: "She wasn’t looking at the daffodils, but I was," It's poetic, yes, but relevant? I can't see how. Another stanza, even a small two liner, might be needed to further explain the correlation between yellow, daffodils, grandmother, and religion.

Thank you, this was a treat to read!
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Review of My Promise  
Review by lav_ish
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think any girl would be excited to get something like this :)
I just want to point a couple of punctuational and grammatical things...

My promise to you,
if you give me the chance,
is to love you with all my heart.

I'll hold you when you're sad,
will always make you glad.
Your happiness will be my life's goal.

I'll do what it takes
to make your life great,
and provide for you
everything you'll ever need.

But my promise to you
cannot be made true,
without you giving me a chance.


A somewhat revised version. Best of luck!
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