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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lizuka
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5 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Lizuka
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
While things are not far into the story and as such there is plenty of room for growth improvement, thus far there are already a lot of problems. The choice to divide everything into multiple predefined, preplanned stories greatly limits the potential choices an author may make as well as the options in story variety that are available to a reader.

Further, the rules border on incomprehensible. Between random capitalization and punctuation, along with very odd sentence structure that can make reading the instructions quite a chore, the entire story feels like a massive puzzle.

There's also the fact that despite having multiple stories, none of them are of particular interest or weight. Most are shallow and ill-defined, and thus far that appears to be the going trend.

You have plenty of room to improve and things are early in, but a lot of work is needed and you need to start early.
2
2
Review by Lizuka
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
The writing and options on this particular story are generally solid but unspectacular, and would fly with the average reader without too many complaints.

However, there is definitely some room for improvement. As mentioned, the writing in the average chapter is not particular standout, and I don't see this tale having any entertainment value to anyone who does not subscribe to the fetish it endorses. Of course, that's all well and good if one wants to aim for that, but there is much more enjoyment to be found in trying to make a tale at least carry some interest to a casual reader.

A big flaw in particular in that regard is that this story does not have its own identity. There is no particular gimmick or hook to set it aside as different from the average diaper tale, and the characters and situations are not terribly compelling. This primarily comes across due to the lack of a defining plot - the events of the story at its outset are just because they are, and while one attempt has been made to carve out a genuine lengthy plot it has not gone far nor is it anything completely original.

All in all, I'd say the story is flawed but perfectly suitable enough for those who have an interest in the genre more than they do creative plots and characters.
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