Hi Jake, this poem has interested me greatly. I haven't quite her anything like this before, but i do love this poem. In my opinion, it is fine the way it is and you don't need to change it. Thank you for posting up this poem !
hello, I like your poem, but I'd recommend for you to look it over and correct your spelling mistakes. Also, it may help tp capitalize your I's. Overall,i like how your poem is about the nture around you,